Videogame crime report, 2007

Date: 1st June, 2007

Location: Haileah, Florida

Crime: Burglary

Details: Boy defends PlayStation 3 with samurai sword

Okay, we are not playing Soul Calibur 4 with this guy. Teenage Damian Hernandez and his sister were in the house alone when a knock on the door turned into the wrenching open of said wood-based portal. Clearly, this wasn’t the postman, unless he was really excited about delivering mail that day.

Damian slept as his sister hid from the non-too-subtle would-be burglars by sheltering in her wardrobe, but was eventually awoken as they ransacked the house, finding and taking his PS3. Clearly realising, as any of us would, that the two burglars had now massively over-stepped the mark, he took hold of the katana hanging in his room, Metal Geared his way into a doorway and waited for the on-coming criminal. He then lunged out from the shadows and stabbed the swine in the chest for massive damage and a bagful of EXP.

The stunned burglar ran out of the house and along the street, where he was eventually found hiding behind a palm tree by police. Presumably the large pool of blood gave him away.


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