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Videogame characters we'd go gay for, part 2

Videogames suffer no shortage of beautiful women. A comprehensive survey of every attractive girl in videogame history would fill at least several encyclopedia volumes, and attempting any kind of definitive "hottest game babes of all time" list, while fun to research, would be pure folly.

Lust-worthy men in games, on the other hand, are much harder to come by, and we know nothing drives women into the arms of other women more than lack of suitable hetero options*, am I right ladies? Kidding! Everyone knows lesbians just hate men**. So for all you ladies not pretty enough to snag a real man***, here's my personal picks (by no means an exhaustive list) for ladies worth scissoring.

*sarcasm, in case that wasn't 100% clear
**due to all the men who've cheated and wronged them in the past, of course
***because women have lower standards


Aya Brea (Parasite Eve)


 

One of the main reasons for my enduring love for this original PlayStation classic is its protagonist, NYPD cop Aya Brea. Like many of the women on this list, Aya doesn't try to be sexy – she just is. Even in her low maintenance jeans, white shirt and baggy jacket, Aya nails the sexy-tough, no-nonsense look without even trying.

While most of the time she's too busy getting shit done to care about how she looks, that doesn't mean she's not equally comfortable in elegant formal wear. In the opening cinema we see she can go from working the beat during the day to a fancy evening at the opera with ease and grace. 


Above: Possibly the sexiest barrel roll of all time


Shanoa (Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia)


There's something sexy about an exquisite beauty with a stoic, impossible to read demeanor, like she has a dark secret that you desperately want to know. Shanoa's not the kind of woman to freak out in paranoid fervor and read all your text messages and then burn all your clothes in the bathtub some reason she conjured up in her head. Not that normal women do that, but it's definitely a plus. And while she lacks emotion (not her fault – her memories and emotions were taken from her), she's still firmly on the side of good, spending all her energy vanquishing the forces of darkness.

Aside from her personality, Shanoa is definitely one of the hottest women on this list from a purely superficial perspective. That milky skin, that backless dress, her flowing raven hair and delicate features all come together to form a sultry, smoldering vampire killer. And if you're into tattoos, Shanoa's rune tattoos serve both form and function, as she uses them to absorb glyph powers that she uses as weapons. As a side note, Konami's Japanese OOE page has lots of Shanoa goodies, including wallpapers and an adorable webcomic series.


Lady Cloche (Ar Tonelico II)


 

Lady Cloche is truly a ladies' lady. When ignorant man protagonist Croix traipses into her Cosmosphere (a virtual representation of her subconscious) assuming he'll be welcomed with open arms, he's quickly shut out by her mind's defenses. The guardian of her Cosmosphere soon lets it slip that Cloche is holding out, waiting for her "unseen princess on a white pony" to come sweep her off her feet. Her innocent girlish fantasies make my heart melt.

But we're not just picking her because she likes women – Cloche is beautiful, smart, sensitive and endlessly interesting regardless of who she's attracted to. Besides that, Cloche represents the ultimate challenge because she guards her privacy so fiercely. She doesn't give her heart away freely, so you know that if she lets you in to see her real self that it really means something.


Kindle (Advance Wars: Dual Strike)


Only in a fictional character can such unapologetic snobbiness be so endearing. Kindle is all about high society and high fashion and she can't look at anyone else without looking down her nose. Ladies, don't you want to just take her down a peg? And by take her down a peg, I mean playfully degrade her in a cheesy S&M scenario. Those tightly wound super serious executives are always into that kind of thing.

Kindle also represents the epitome of one of the best added bonuses of lady love – sharing clothes!!!! Squeeeee!! She looks like she's really good at doing hair too.

Topics

Sexy sexy

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72 comments

  • Dabenguin - August 23, 2010 5:30 p.m.

    @redeater lol leper colony
  • BigLandoz - August 23, 2010 5:50 a.m.

    That's so gay.* *sarcasm, in case that wasn't 100% clear
  • ArmTheBomb - August 23, 2010 3:02 a.m.

    Mia? Valid, but unfortunately IT'S ALL 'BOUT MAYA NAW MEAN? Errm, excuse me. Also, @db1331, Lara Croft is the LAST person to be on this list. She's shallow, sadistic and has no strong personality.
  • wes81191 - August 22, 2010 7:21 p.m.

    I like how it says ladies only under the title but more than 90 percent of the comments on here are left by men. Including myself.
  • Fusionmix - August 22, 2010 6:32 p.m.

    Some amendments. 1. Prime 1 Samus Aran. When she looked human, not like like a plastic sex doll. 2. Jack (Mass Effect 2) 3. Lenneth (Valkyrie Profile) 4. The Boss (MGS) 5. Strangelove (Also MGS) There is all too much femme on this list.
  • Kage_No_Shi - August 22, 2010 5:46 p.m.

    @Dutch - It's a reference to the Prinny. Can I really be the Hero? PSP game. See, someone stole Etna's ultra rare pudding, and she sends the prinnies on a mission to make an ultimate dessert. There are 1000 prinnies, so umm yeah, she isn't concerned about the loss of prinny life in the process XD
  • DeathbyFira - August 22, 2010 1:17 p.m.

    lady on lady action it is about time lol i defenlty love this article go Tali and strut that big ol butt lol
  • Metroidhunter32 - August 22, 2010 12:42 p.m.

    *drools*
  • fumlarn - August 22, 2010 12:18 p.m.

    Tali Ftw
  • BonafideMyth - August 22, 2010 3:17 a.m.

    Isn't Sakura in grade school?
  • Ravenbom - August 21, 2010 4:58 a.m.

    As a boy, good choices Carolyn. I especially like the second page because they're girls with attitude for the most part and I always like to tame shrews, so to speak. Also, Tali wins hands down because I'm into the waist/hip ratio in most of my girls and she has the best hips in Mass Effect. (Etna makes up for lack of hips in pure attitude)
  • Julianthedamned - August 20, 2010 11:45 p.m.

    This article is chalked full of bow chica bow wow. tucker would be proud.
  • RonnyLive19881 - August 20, 2010 7:47 p.m.

    @Dutch , if it is anything like 2 girls 1 cup I think I'm never coming here again :* <<<throw up face
  • Dutch - August 20, 2010 4:51 p.m.

    What is "eat all the pudding" a euphemism for?
  • paganpoet - August 20, 2010 3:15 p.m.

    @510BrotherPanda "Scissoring" has nothing to do with circumcision, it's a sexual act between two women. Imagine you have two pairs of scissors, and the blades are the legs. btw, the band Scissor Sisters named themselves in reference to scissoring.
  • BodyDamage - August 20, 2010 1:37 p.m.

    hot
  • ColonelKc - August 20, 2010 12:38 p.m.

    Where is bayonetta!?!??!
  • philipshaw - August 20, 2010 12:07 p.m.

    Quality article
  • skyline19 - August 20, 2010 12:07 p.m.

    Nice seeing Tali with the mention, I'm replaying ME2 again after getting some DLC, but I never want to romance her as lovely as she is... Take a look at Mirandas ass for a reason why and oof...that austrailian accent! That being said Subject Zero is the shit. I cleary have a fetish for bald biotics.
  • Bhup666 - August 20, 2010 10:23 a.m.

    You must be a totally gay person if you think these women were beautiful!! No personality or nothing interesting that even raises your eyebrows. Why aren't Ivy fra Soul Calibur in this list??? She has more boobs and ass than all of these women put together!! It seems like you like little kiddy porn!!! Why no women from the DOA-series. Those women got their own franchise of shitty games just so men could take a better look at them. (The paradise volleyball games and stuff..) Man, this list sucks!!

Showing 1-20 of 72 comments

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