Google+

Videogame characters that should never be in porn (again)


Max Hardcore

They may be freelance police, but Sam & Max are most certainly free with their lances. It's hard to imagine a less sexy pair of cartoon animals. They're adorable, certainly, but who in their right mind could get off on these black-eyed, freakish, bipedal animal people?

Well, somebody was able to maintain a twisted pleasure from the unnatural pairing. More than one person, in fact. The provided picture is just one example of many filthy scribbles, and you can feel free to hunt down more if it tickles your fancy. Dirty boy.


Who's Your Daddy?

Sure, pornographic scrawlings of the Big Sister make for a predictable spin-off of BioShock 2. When the lanky enemy was first revealed, there was no way it wouldn't be sexualized, and there is plenty of deep sea dreadfulness floating around the Web. However, not in a million years could this sick scenario be predicted. Subject Delta, giving a Rapture rogering to this Thuggish Splicer:

Although the image is tastefully edited, it's recommended you do some homework and check out the full picture, as it truly is a sight to behold. Make sure to note the individual hairs that have been drawn on the Splicer's ample arse. A lot of love and care went into this picture. If you're feeling slightly sick at that thought, don't worry. It'll pass.


Red Hot Tip

Close your eyes and try to name any videogame character that deserves to be eroticized. Were you thinking of Firebrand from Ghouls & Goblins? No, of course you weren't. Firebrand has to rank among the least sexy videogame characters in history, and yet you'd be shocked by just how much ink has been dedicated to the portrayal of this beast as some sort of lust object.

Even by gargoyle standards, Firebrand is pretty hideous, yet it has been rendered in two genders, performing all kinds of distressing carnal acts. No wonder Sir Arthur wanted to keep his armor on.


Molluck's Meat

There is so much wrong with this picture that it's almost impressive. The fact it's about Oddworld is grotesque enough, considering that absolutely nothing from the series could be considered even close to physically attractive. Then there's the fact that the entire drawing is a set up for a very tenuous "meat" joke. Oh, and the Slig in the background whose entire body ends in a yellow penis is pretty bad.

However, it's the quality of the drawing that is truly the worst part. In truth, not a lot of Oddworld porn exists, so it would be clear that whoever was responsible for this piece of work was trying to plug a gap in the market, despite his own lack of artistic talent. Almost as if he was so desperate for a picture of Abe gobbling a Glukkon that he resorted to drawing it himself to get it out of his system. He probably got arrested later for exposing himself on a school bus.

Not that we're saying it definitely happened, but it definitely did.

May 10, 2010


Fan Art versus Official Art
A showdown between fan-made creations and their official counterparts


The Top 7... Nudity You Didn't Notice
Look closer - gaming is even naughtier than you think



Ugly polygon "babes" of yesteryear
39 terrifying monsters we used to think were sexy

60 comments

  • barfininpublic - November 14, 2010 4:44 p.m.

    Found Brumak one http://rule34.paheal.net/post/view/401092#search=Brumak
  • Smeggs - June 8, 2010 6:53 a.m.

    Although I do see the irony in finding this depraved article of videogame pr0ns right after my friend randomly said about an hour ago "Dude, I bet I could find some porn of Gears of War." While being bored looking shit up on his PSP...Now I can give him a reference.
  • Smeggs - June 8, 2010 6:49 a.m.

    WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN-WHAT THE HELL AM I EVEN LOOKING AT?!!!!!?!!!
  • BlazingPassion - May 16, 2010 5:01 p.m.

    Okay...the Deku Tree and Big Daddy...kinda of threw up a little in my mouth. But the Ekans and Pikachu aren't that bad. It could had been worst...HOT WAILORD ON SKITTY ACTION! <.< Also...Left 4 Dead anyone...Promiscuous scenes of the Spitter and the Smoker...am I scaring anyone...Good :3
  • RogueRED - May 14, 2010 2:29 a.m.

    http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:M-sBU_o2T8WGSM:http://rule34-images.paheal.net/4bd77c459c2562d839ce3de5bd278308/388265%2520-%2520Ekans%2520Nintendo%2520Pikachu%2520Pokemon.jpg DISTURBED FOR LIFE ReCaptcha: Cabooses ther Yes I see the cabooses.
  • Hellwilder - May 13, 2010 10:35 p.m.

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH D: What kind of sick person draw this?! Worse than that, who looks for these kind of pictures >_<
  • JimSterling - May 13, 2010 2:37 a.m.

    gloodaa: A little of Google, a little hard digging into some of the most depraved online galleries imaginable. Thorough research went into this, in the name of JOURNALISM!
  • gloodaa - May 12, 2010 7:39 p.m.

    where did you find this depraved stuff? and don't say a google search!!! this stuff is hidden deep within the bowels of the internet...
  • Clovin64 - May 12, 2010 5:49 p.m.

    I did an Oedipus impression and poked my eyes out after reading this. Now my HD tv is useless:( This article has single handedly put me off everything sex related until *checks calendar* FOREVER. I bet you can even find porn involving Dr Salvador and the midgit from Resi 4 (that wasn't a sly hint that I've found it by the way).
  • oniontrain - May 12, 2010 5:37 p.m.

    Oo, look, I'm on there twice. Believe it or not that Brumak was a commission. Yes, somebody paid me to draw it because he felt it had to exist. All that and more awfulness can be pulled up on paheal by searching my artist tag (same as this username)
  • eee - May 12, 2010 5:16 p.m.

    I bet half of you faped to this but it actually makes my stomach hurt looking at this I have never felt this way about pictures before.
  • Heyexclamationpoint - May 12, 2010 12:58 a.m.

    This better be discussed on this week's Talkradar
  • cyanide4suicide - May 12, 2010 12:33 a.m.

    Rule 34 is a double edged sword. There's stuff you want to see, then there's sh1t you wished you never saw.
  • Ravenbom - May 11, 2010 8:50 p.m.

    LMFAO! Especially at the Sam and Max Hardcore!
  • Tymiegie - May 11, 2010 7:13 p.m.

    I was just playing Sam & Max: Beyond Time and Space TODAY!!! Now, I will most definitely NOT be playing it for at least... Two years? Is that enough time to erase that from my memory? Maybe...
  • AA95mp - May 11, 2010 3:03 p.m.

    my boner is dead.
  • Xplosive59 - May 11, 2010 2:21 p.m.

    2 brumaks 1 cup anyone?
  • TyeTheCzar - May 11, 2010 1:55 p.m.

    Too bad you didn't happen to mention Sonic. Good DAMN I hate what "fans" have done to them.
  • Pirazha - May 11, 2010 12:38 p.m.

    @JimSterling: Yeah, you're right. My bad. Still don't know what's going on in the 4th picture though.
  • philipshaw - May 11, 2010 10:39 a.m.

    I've seen it, I can't unsee it

Showing 1-20 of 60 comments

Join the Discussion
Add a comment (HTML tags are not allowed.)
Characters remaining: 5000

OR…

Connect with Facebook

Log in using Facebook to share comments, games, status update and other activity easily with your Facebook feed.