Video game characters' calls to tech support

Standard-issue headwear is functioning incorrectly

Transcription log of call dated November 10, 2359, 09:48am:

Tech Support: Hello, you’ve reached Helghan Battle Armour tech support. How can I help you today?

Customer: Oh hello, yes, I’d just like to ask about the Helghan Battle Helmet v2.0.

TS: Yes, what seems to be the problem?

Customer: Well, I know it’s not really a tech thing, but I didn’t know who else to call. Thing is, these hats are almost completely ineffective. One shot and they fly right off your head.

TS: Have you securely fastened the chin strap, sir?

Customer: Yes, very securely. But it doesn’t make the slightest bit of difference. Soon as any of us get into a firefight, our hats fly off like champagne corks. It’s quite embarrassing really. I mean, the glowy eyes are really mean-looking and our guns are just sensational. But these hats… they don’t even look as good as they did in the promotional material.

TS: You mentioned ‘us’ in that sentence, sir. Am I to understand your whole platoon is using the 2.0?

Customer: That is correct.

TS: OK, well what I’m going to do for you today sir, is I’m going go ahead and order the 3.0 version of the Helghan Battle Helmet for you and your platoon. These have superior chin straps and shouldn’t come off quite so easily. Which platoon are you in?

Customer: Pyrrhus Defense Squad Delta.

TS: Thank you. There we go, all done. They should be with you in two working days. Is there anything else I can help you with today, sir?

Customer: No, you’ve been a great help. I can’t believe I didn’t ask sooner!

TS: Not a problem sir, we’re here to help. Have yourself a lovely day, won’t you?

Customer: We will! Have a lovely day too. Thank you! Bye!



funny wEiRd

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  • james-collar - March 8, 2014 10:57 a.m.

    Best will always in my opinion be the Shadowrun version by Rooster Teeth called 1-800-Magic. Actually done as a video using the Xbox 360 Shadowrun game's engine.
  • rxb - September 22, 2013 2:47 p.m.

    Very funny towelly. Although I kinda think ol' Eggman would make his own tech.
  • garnsr - September 21, 2013 11:09 a.m.

    Lara Croft would call to complain that all the pathways and bridges collapse the instant she steps on them, but everything seems to work just fine for the bad guys who come along after her.
  • GOD - September 21, 2013 12:25 a.m.

    You could do in character audio readings of these and them in the RadioRadar breaks between segments. Just saying. >.>
  • Shnubby - September 20, 2013 3:23 p.m.

    Couldn't resist reading the first one in Robotnik's voice :P
  • GR_LucasSullivan - September 20, 2013 3:47 p.m.

  • Shnubby - September 20, 2013 3:51 p.m.

    That's the one!
  • fattoler - September 21, 2013 1:38 a.m.

    You mean AoStH's Rrrrobotnik? With Long John Baldry?
  • JarkayColt - September 20, 2013 3:03 p.m.

    "They still have to work out whether to buy chocolate biscuits or plain". INORITE? I have that same dilemma every time I make my weekly shop. Do I save a few pence each week by buying the plain ones, or do I spoil myself on the cho-...oh, right, the feature? Brilliant!
  • ombranox - September 20, 2013 12:18 p.m.

    The 14th of Frost Fall in 4E 201 would actually be Middas. Just sayin'.
  • Temperance11 - September 20, 2013 10:34 a.m.

    I REALLY want to record voices for these, they're f**king hilarious.
  • SpadesSlick - September 20, 2013 10:32 a.m.

    I love you Justin. That's all I will say.

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