Standard-issue headwear is functioning incorrectly
Transcription log of call dated November 10, 2359, 09:48am:
Tech Support: Hello, you’ve reached Helghan Battle Armour tech support. How can I help you today?
Customer: Oh hello, yes, I’d just like to ask about the Helghan Battle Helmet v2.0.
TS: Yes, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I know it’s not really a tech thing, but I didn’t know who else to call. Thing is, these hats are almost completely ineffective. One shot and they fly right off your head.
TS: Have you securely fastened the chin strap, sir?
Customer: Yes, very securely. But it doesn’t make the slightest bit of difference. Soon as any of us get into a firefight, our hats fly off like champagne corks. It’s quite embarrassing really. I mean, the glowy eyes are really mean-looking and our guns are just sensational. But these hats… they don’t even look as good as they did in the promotional material.
TS: You mentioned ‘us’ in that sentence, sir. Am I to understand your whole platoon is using the 2.0?
Customer: That is correct.
TS: OK, well what I’m going to do for you today sir, is I’m going go ahead and order the 3.0 version of the Helghan Battle Helmet for you and your platoon. These have superior chin straps and shouldn’t come off quite so easily. Which platoon are you in?
Customer: Pyrrhus Defense Squad Delta.
TS: Thank you. There we go, all done. They should be with you in two working days. Is there anything else I can help you with today, sir?
Customer: No, you’ve been a great help. I can’t believe I didn’t ask sooner!
TS: Not a problem sir, we’re here to help. Have yourself a lovely day, won’t you?
Customer: We will! Have a lovely day too. Thank you! Bye!