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Transcription log of call dated Morndas, 14th of Frostfall, 4E 201:
Tech Support: Hello, you’ve reached the Winterhold College Tech Support line. How can I help you today?
Dovahkiin: Finally. Yes, I’m trying to recharge my enchanted weapon with your crapping soul gems, but it isn’t working. They’re trash. Total trash.
TS: I’m sorry to hear that you’re having trouble with the soul gems, sir. Which ones in particular are causing you problems?
D: Well, I’m trying several. I’ve got fragments, Grand Soul Gems… everything in-between. They’re s***. They don’t do a f***ing thing.
TS: Please calm down, sir, there’s no need to shout.
D: I’m not… I’m not shouting. Believe me, you’d know if I was shouting.
TS: OK. So do you have a soul gem to hand, sir?
TS: And you’ve checked it’s charged with a soul, yes?
TS: You’ve soul trapped the soul of one of your dead enemies inside the soul gem, yes?
TS: You need to trap a soul in the soul gem before you can use it to recharge an enchanted weapon, sir.
TS: Are you still there, sir?
D: Well where does it bloody well say you have to do that?
TS: It’s pretty common knowledge you need to charge Soul Gems before you use them, sir... Do you need a weapon with a soul trap enchantment on it? Or a spell tome?
D: F*** you, you patronizing son of a Hagraven! I was slaying Draugr when you were still reading the Children’s Anuad, you snotty-nosed imp. No wonder the college has such a bad reputation these days. It’s run by tactless, know-it-all pricks like you. Might I suggest your manager puts you on a Speechcraft course?
TS: Is there anything else I can help you with today, sir?