Video game characters' calls to tech support

Can't get soul gems to recharge his weapons no matter how many he tries

Transcription log of call dated Morndas, 14th of Frostfall, 4E 201:

Tech Support: Hello, you’ve reached the Winterhold College Tech Support line. How can I help you today?

Dovahkiin: Finally. Yes, I’m trying to recharge my enchanted weapon with your crapping soul gems, but it isn’t working. They’re trash. Total trash.

TS: I’m sorry to hear that you’re having trouble with the soul gems, sir. Which ones in particular are causing you problems?

D: Well, I’m trying several. I’ve got fragments, Grand Soul Gems… everything in-between. They’re s***. They don’t do a f***ing thing.

TS: Please calm down, sir, there’s no need to shout.

D: I’m not… I’m not shouting. Believe me, you’d know if I was shouting.

TS: OK. So do you have a soul gem to hand, sir?

D: Yes.

TS: And you’ve checked it’s charged with a soul, yes?

D: Sorry?

TS: You’ve soul trapped the soul of one of your dead enemies inside the soul gem, yes?

D: Er…

TS: You need to trap a soul in the soul gem before you can use it to recharge an enchanted weapon, sir.

D: (silence)

TS: Are you still there, sir?

D: Well where does it bloody well say you have to do that?

TS: It’s pretty common knowledge you need to charge Soul Gems before you use them, sir... Do you need a weapon with a soul trap enchantment on it? Or a spell tome?

D: F*** you, you patronizing son of a Hagraven! I was slaying Draugr when you were still reading the Children’s Anuad, you snotty-nosed imp. No wonder the college has such a bad reputation these days. It’s run by tactless, know-it-all pricks like you. Might I suggest your manager puts you on a Speechcraft course?

TS: Is there anything else I can help you with today, sir?



funny wEiRd


  • james-collar - March 8, 2014 10:57 a.m.

    Best will always in my opinion be the Shadowrun version by Rooster Teeth called 1-800-Magic. Actually done as a video using the Xbox 360 Shadowrun game's engine.
  • rxb - September 22, 2013 2:47 p.m.

    Very funny towelly. Although I kinda think ol' Eggman would make his own tech.
  • garnsr - September 21, 2013 11:09 a.m.

    Lara Croft would call to complain that all the pathways and bridges collapse the instant she steps on them, but everything seems to work just fine for the bad guys who come along after her.
  • GOD - September 21, 2013 12:25 a.m.

    You could do in character audio readings of these and them in the RadioRadar breaks between segments. Just saying. >.>
  • Shnubby - September 20, 2013 3:23 p.m.

    Couldn't resist reading the first one in Robotnik's voice :P
  • GR_LucasSullivan - September 20, 2013 3:47 p.m.

  • Shnubby - September 20, 2013 3:51 p.m.

    That's the one!
  • fattoler - September 21, 2013 1:38 a.m.

    You mean AoStH's Rrrrobotnik? With Long John Baldry?
  • JarkayColt - September 20, 2013 3:03 p.m.

    "They still have to work out whether to buy chocolate biscuits or plain". INORITE? I have that same dilemma every time I make my weekly shop. Do I save a few pence each week by buying the plain ones, or do I spoil myself on the cho-...oh, right, the feature? Brilliant!
  • ombranox - September 20, 2013 12:18 p.m.

    The 14th of Frost Fall in 4E 201 would actually be Middas. Just sayin'.
  • Temperance11 - September 20, 2013 10:34 a.m.

    I REALLY want to record voices for these, they're f**king hilarious.
  • SpadesSlick - September 20, 2013 10:32 a.m.

    I love you Justin. That's all I will say.

Showing 1-12 of 12 comments

Join the Discussion
Add a comment (HTML tags are not allowed.)
Characters remaining: 5000