Video game characters' calls to tech support

Because nothing works perfectly 100% of the time

His phone has dust in it and won't switch on. But that's not what he's most worried about...

Transcription log of call dated August 15, 2011, 05:12pm:

Tech Support: Hello sir, you’ve reached Tech Support. How can I help?

Customer: Hey! Yeah, I’m calling about my mobile phone. Heh, there seems to be some… some dust under the screen. And it won’t switch on. Can you help with that?

TS: Which model do you have, sir?

Customer: The Explorer S. Says in the manual it’s supposed to be able to withstand… well, all kinds of crap.

TS: Has the unit been mistreated?

Customer: Heh… not… not really. Look, I’ve got some text messages on there. And er… some pictures of ‘sentimental value’. Can you get them off it?

TS: We would need to assess the unit, sir. Did you set up a Cloud account with us?

Customer: City of the clouds? No, I didn’t drop it there. Honestly, it just stopped working.

TS: Sorry sir, I will repeat. Did you set up a cloud account with us?

Customer: Oh, I see what you mean. Sure, I did that.

TS: And what is the email address you used with that account?

Customer: Probably… er… heh, yeah it’s ‘icaughtitinlima@hotmail.com’.

TS: Thank you sir. Just checking on that… ah yes, your account was set up last year. Your last 1,000 pictures and your recent text messages are stored in the cloud, sir.

Customer: You can see them? Ah crap.

TS: No sir, we don’t look at them.

Customer: Oh, you don’t? Heh… that’s er… that’s great! Elena would kill me if anyone… anyway, um… what should I do now?

TS: We will send you a packing box to your registered address and you can send in your phone for a replacement. You will receive your replacement within 4-8 working days. When you receive your new handset, you must enter the same email address that you just told me, along with your password, and you will be able to redownload the last 1,000 pictures you took.

Customer: That’s great! I can’t wait to tell Sully. He tried to get me to draw pictures of everything I saw. Said ‘that way it’s the only copy’. And suggested we exchange quipu messages. You know, knots in strings, like the Incas used to do? I told him that he was just being a technological dinosaur, but he insisted it had merit…

TS: Is there anything else I can help you with, today, sir?

Customer: Oh… er, no. Thanks. You’ve been a great help! Wait… You’re not going to appear helpful at first, then turn out to be working with the enemy and try to kill me later, are you? Cos I gotta say, I’m having to be a bit careful these days!

TS: If that’s everything, sir, have a wonderful day and thank you for calling Explorer Phones tech support.

Customer: Well… I guess we can cross that bridge when we come to it. Thanks very much, you’ve been a great help. I owe you one! Oh, but this doesn’t count as a ‘saved my life’ kind of favour. I owe you a drink or something.

***CALL ENDS***

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

The longest-serving GR+ staffer, I was here when all this was just fields. I'm currently Reviews Editor but still find time to speedrun Sonic levels and make daft Photoshop articles.
We recommend