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Video game box art interpreted by children

FIFA 11: "The Team"

My mini-me spawnlings know almost bugger all about football (they say things like "Is Chelsea playing England?"), but I would love it if my favourite football game was called 'The Team'. It evokes far more of the feelings that we should associate with the 'spirit' of the world's most popular sport. As opposed to 'FIFA', which evokes feelings I associate with a greedy bureaucracy of corrupt old men. Kids - loads. Old Men - nil.

ModNation Racers: "Little Go-Kart People"

Yes, I get why it's called 'ModNation Racers' because you can, like, mod your characters and tracks and vehicles and share it with the nation and then race and stuff... but 'Little Go-Kart People' kicks its ass. Learn from the children - they are blessed and they keep it simple.

Portal 2: "Death of the Robots"

When I held this one up, I was half expecting them to say something like, "Yes father, after brief consultation we propose that an appropriate appellation based on the software's visual representation could be 'The Inter-Spatial Exploits of Intelligent Robotic Agents'. But they didn't. 'Death of the Robots' is still good though.

Vanquish: "Transform Myself"

I have no idea how the miniature Cundy replicants came up with this. It's possibly because a) the dude on the front looks a bit like a Transformer (although to my knowledge the kids are not familiar with Transformers) or b) Vanquish has a lenticular cover which looks like it's transforming a bit I suppose. But seeing as though the game features a special weapon that transforms, it is weird that they should choose something seemingly unrelated to the art but totally related to the game. Perhaps they've been playing it while I'm in bed. I need to set better traps around the TV.

The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion = "I, Tooth"

This is honestly what they said. Like this could be a game about the existential ponderings of a lateral incisor trying to find answers in a world of premolars. I don't know where they get this shit from. Although there's no denying that the symbol on the cover does look a lot like a tooth. As box-art goes, it's pretty terrible.

Halo 3 = "The Destroyers"

The kids can't tell that the dude in the space suit is meant to be one of the good guys. "But he's the one trying to save humanity from a belligerent theocratic alliance of alien races," I explain. They both look at me blankly and walk out of the room. "Wait!" I say, "there's still loads more games to get through... if you leave now YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT THE PONY!"

"WE DON'T EVEN WANT A PONY!" they shout in reply. They don't come back. Play time's over for dad.

And that's that. I have to say I was very impressed with their suggestions. If I accidentally find myself in charge of a game company, I will definitely employ my daughters as the official persons that give names to all the games. I thought they did a very good job and came up with some better names than the actual real names. But maybe I'm biased. What do you guys think?

Oct 5, 2011

70 comments

  • Grivien - January 28, 2013 10:47 a.m.

    Mountains, funny. The Adventures of Robots, lol. You should do more game covers with your children.
  • Grivien - January 28, 2013 10:41 a.m.

    Funny. Very accurate some of those names. Transform myself, lol.
  • egregious - October 8, 2011 10:31 a.m.

    I LOLed at "Mountains" and "Transform Myself."
  • md1292 - October 7, 2011 5:09 a.m.

    I actually laughed out loud a few times there. I've had COD 4 since it first came out, and I never noticed there was a mountain on the cover until just now.
  • soranamineforever - October 6, 2011 5:24 p.m.

    I really, really wanted to hear their interpertation of Metal Gear Solid 4. I don't know why. Which is probably why I wanted to here it.
  • LordKreeka - October 6, 2011 4:10 p.m.

    dude. "Transform Myself" sounds deeply emotional xD
  • nyx - October 6, 2011 12:23 p.m.

    LOL
  • NullG7 - October 6, 2011 10:31 a.m.

    Possible portal spoiler Death of robots is ridiculously appropriated considering the story of Portal 2
  • Sjoeki - October 6, 2011 9:53 a.m.

    This was a great read! I wonder if you show the cover of mario kart that your children could actually come up with the same name, (don't do the Wii one as there is no kart on there) making them just as smart as adult japanese people!
  • Yeager1122 - October 6, 2011 9:47 a.m.

    Transform Myself love it.
  • grayguwapo - October 6, 2011 4:47 a.m.

    This was a pretty neat way to spend quality time with your kids. I should try this with my daughter and see what she comes up with.
  • psycho ninja 4 - October 6, 2011 3:11 a.m.

    Rockstar Games Presents: Smart People. Dude these kids should work in the game industry. they were actually pretty good.
  • AuthorityFigure - October 6, 2011 1:26 a.m.

    Almost all of the alternative titles invoke a more magical experience in my mind. 'Transform Myself' sounds like an awesome name for a game.
  • TrAnMu - October 5, 2011 10:08 p.m.

    I think by "I, Tooth" they actually meant "Eye Tooth" because it resembles both an eye and a tooth.
  • Lovelost - October 7, 2011 12:04 p.m.

    Exactly what I thought
  • soren7550 - October 5, 2011 8:32 p.m.

    This is brilliant. I now want to do this with my niece, but she's not even one yet, so a lot of trying to eat the box would go on.
  • IceBlueKirby - October 5, 2011 7:25 p.m.

    I couldn't stop laughing at the description for "I, Tooth." Hilarious article overall, it's too bad there probably won't be a part 2, based on the fact that not even a pony could keep them going. XD
  • Shinra - October 5, 2011 5:16 p.m.

    Insanely hilarious xD I laughed the whole way through.
  • Tangerine - October 5, 2011 4:46 p.m.

    This was an awesome read. Excellent job!
  • ObliqueZombie - October 5, 2011 4:01 p.m.

    Brilliant article, and brilliant kids. They seem to be as much of a smartass as you are... or at least have the potential to.

Showing 1-20 of 70 comments

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