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King’s Bounty: Armored Princess - PC
Admittedly, I was intrigued when I saw “Armored Princess” in the title. Sounds like a cool tough chick who smokes stogies and stirs her whisky with a nail. But when I saw this footage fraught with sky-pony rides and dull, clunky combat, I quickly realized that this Armored Princess is no Starbuck.
Above: Everything this game isn’t
ZEN Pinball – PSN
Listen up, it’s time for some pinball bitches! ZEN’s got the shiniest balls you ever seen: that’s real-time ray-tracing on that shit. You’ll be pullin’ ‘em out just to polish ‘em. Bonus off-the-hook tribal drumming will kick your teeth down your f*cking throat. PINBALL!!!
Combat Arms - PC
There are few things in the world funnier than the anguish of testicular pain. We absolutely cherish the sight of other dudes having their reproductive organs slapped, crushed or otherwise destroyed. Combat Arms is now advertising that their game supports the shooting (and stabbing!) of ballsacks, which begs the obvious question: what about female characters? Luckily, an enterprising Combat Arms player made this video response.
Next page: Petsploitation!