Tournament of level one enemies

Why the Goomba should win: The power of positive thinking. Yup, that's the best we could come up with, or more importantly, the power to think at all. Plastic can't think, but Round One established that the Goomba has a brain. Maybe the Goomba will come up with an ingenious plan or something? 

Why the green note should win: As we've already stated, the Goomba's primary strategy in the first round was heavily rooted in fighting a zombie and not be made out of meat. It's fairly unlikely that more of the same will pay off against the green note (which is not a zombie) in round two. Without even doing anything, the green note starts at an advantage.

The green note doesn't need to change strategies; it's made of nearly indestructible plastic. Oh, and Goombas don't have hands. That makes it unlikely that a Goomba could even hit a green note. Looks like point, game and match to the green note, but just so we're absolutely sure, let's use this chart:

Above: Wow, what an upset!

Verdict: Goomba Wins!

Why the infected Bidoof should win: The parasitic Flood has fully taken hold in the Bidoof from the last fight. That means the unstoppable nature of the Flood and the indifferent awkwardness of a Bidoof have been combined into a creature slightly more intimidating than a squirrel - that’s pretty serious for this tournament.  

Why the slime should win: Although the slime is made of goo and, most likely, very sticky, the infected Bidoof is just as gooey. As science tells us, if you combine two sticky things they cancel each other out: gum in hair can be removed with peanut butter and peanut butter in your neither-regions can be dealt with by applying glue. It's a simple and perfectly explainable process.

The Slime obviously counters the sticky factor that the Flood contamination has added to the Bidoof, and the Bidoof will die because you can't de-flood a Bidoof without killing it. If you de-slime a Slime, there's always more slime underneath. If that didn't make sense, don't try to rethink it - there's no time. Accept what happened and keep reading. 

Verdict: Slime wins!


  • ObsessionWithEdgeworth - March 22, 2010 9:21 p.m.

    ... BIDOOF LOST! ... Serves it right. It isn't even that cute. Too bad this was level one enemies and not easily defeated/very weak enemies, if it was, you could probably have put magikarp, because atleast bidoof can attack (and damage you), which is better than magikarp. ...for non pokemon lovers, heres a demonstration: (magikarp = level 10, torterra = level 69) (im giving the magikarp a chance and letting it go first for a change) Magikarp used Splash! It had no effect. Torterra used Magical Leaf! It's very effective! Magikarp fainted! Torterra earned 1 Experience point! Torterra Wins! '¬'
  • xeropanzer - October 24, 2008 6:11 p.m.

    thats pretty funny although i think it should have been flood and slime in the last battle but then i guess there would need to be plasma burns from master chiefs gun instead of the item box.
  • RadarQJD - October 22, 2008 9:21 p.m.

    Goomba is victorious...Technically.......!!!
  • georgeg1994 - October 22, 2008 5:50 p.m.

    actually the green note is your greates enemy, ever tried the through the fire and flames intro?? takes aages to get right, also yes you can hit a g-o chord with 3 fingers, even 2, and alas the goomba totally should have won. GREAT ARTICLE
  • GamesRadarChrisAntista - October 22, 2008 4:18 p.m.

    Paul Ryan, you're my hero!
  • ELpork - October 22, 2008 4:29 a.m.

    Yea, the last page was... Umm, great.
  • Ravenbom - October 22, 2008 2:10 a.m.

    Well, my money was on the green button. That's the second time I've lost my yet to be conceived first born child! I think the green button took a dive, I mean really, it's the only one in the competition that is still a legitimate challenge in later levels. In fact, green button is the one button that makes orange button a challenge.
  • pinoklin - October 22, 2008 12:49 a.m.

    lol u missed the wookies of stwtfu
  • Ninja-KiLLR - October 22, 2008 12:09 a.m.

    im suprised there was no nazis. but yeah this was very funny
  • creamsoda139 - October 21, 2008 10:44 p.m.

    haha, this article is an epic win!
  • gamit12345 - October 21, 2008 10:34 p.m.

  • thereaper52 - October 21, 2008 10:19 p.m.

    poor slime i loved him like a brother
  • gorillazbmx6 - October 21, 2008 10:15 p.m.

    you should have had the kick pedal note. No one over the age of 20 can hit it, it is a mystical thing
  • Face0324 - October 21, 2008 10:13 p.m.

    I cant beleive I read this whole article what the hell happened
  • NelosAngelos - October 21, 2008 10:07 p.m.

    I didn't know you could hang a mushroom...
  • Amatarasu - October 21, 2008 10:02 p.m.

    hmmm *note to self* watch out for mushroom kingdom men
  • key0blade - October 21, 2008 9:52 p.m.

    Loved it.
  • KillDrone - October 21, 2008 9:11 p.m.

    Lol who did that last picture?! O.o Creepy...
  • cog114 - October 21, 2008 9:05 p.m.

    It seems there was a third unlikely character in the final round: MARIO!!!!
  • hun23 - October 21, 2008 7:49 p.m.

    another funny tournament

Showing 1-20 of 60 comments

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