Snow: sportiest of all precipitation. In snow the rich and the brave don skin-tight ski suits and race at life-retarding speeds down the side of a frozen mountain.
It's Torino's mission to convey some of that excitement to our plump desktop-bound bodies, without endangering limbs or wallets.
The problem is, Torino lacks the consistent vigour required of a decent sports game. Winter sports are nothing if not vigorous, and Torino fails to convey the knee-exploding viscera of a number of them.
The skiing is so smooth and undaunting as to be a bore. Ski left, ski right, and by picking the most correct racing line you are the winner. Worse is the biathlon: mechanically functional and rhythmically challenging, but still as dull as an old bobblehat.
The skating is worse still - RSI-inducing left-right key hammering that will do as much damage to typing peripherals as it will to an old man's tendons.
Torino's most intense section is the luge and bobsleigh - those variants of extreme tobogganing that you sometimes catch 10 minutes of on TV at around this time every four years.
It's a reasonably accomplished arcade rendition of against-the-clock races - the terrifying jolting of high-speed travel along icy ruts is superbly delivered and fun to repeat time after time, even if it is framed by idly repeated comments from bored commentators.
If all the elements were as well executed, Torino might have been exciting enough for big credits. But they are not.
It's a shame that tournaments just have COMPUTER 1, COMPUTER 2 as your opponents, instead of sportsfolk names, invented or otherwise.
This lack of flair permeates the game. From the prosaic chatter of the commentary to the lack of anything inventive in the sports themselves, this is a well presented if lamentably uninspired sports game.