6. Thor: God of Thunder
In answer to the overwhelmingly average response
from film critics, I give Kenneth Branagh's Thor two unwavering hooves-up.
Chris Hemsworth's golden locks and rippling pectorals delivered a stunning
performance in the fish-out-of-water tale of a fallen god. Unfortunately, the
same can't be said of the Sega published Thor: God of Thunder game.
Although Hemsworth reprises his role as the God of Thunder in the game, his wax
figure likeness lacks the lordly charm and respect that his chiseled figure
demands on the big screen. Instead of hammering you hard with the mighty Thor's
Mjolnir, the third-person action title whiffs softly, forcing you to button mash
your way through an utterly forgettable adventure full of limp and weightless
Above: This is acting. Just look at how Hemsworth emotes with his "Oh hi! I didn't see you there!" six-pack
Above: This is "Thor" in Thor: God of Thunder. It's just not as enjoyable
5. Railworks 3: Train Simulator 2012
This one's about trains. Trust me. You don't want it.
Above: Train Simulator 2012 may be the prettiest game of trains we've seen since the release of Train Simulator 2011. The problem is that it's about trains
4. Transformers: Dark of the Moon – Stealth Force Edition (Wii)
This is a game about Transformers where the Transformers don't transform – and I can't think of a bigger insult
to fans of things that look like other things. Don't get me wrong: you'll see
the Transformers shed their vehicular disguises during cutscenes. But once the
robots have finished explaining why you'll be driving around (and not
Transforming) in the next playable portion of the game, you're back behind the
wheel of one of the most disappointing titles released this year.
The whole non-Transforming Transformers angle may not have been so insulting if
the controls weren't so frustrating. You use the analog stick to steer, and accelerate,
AND reverse. Who designed this thing, Grimlock? It's a control scheme that
ensures your time with these non-Transforming Transformers will not be
enjoyable, as you stutter about the game's bland environments like a teenager
learning how to drive.
Adding insult to injury, this poor man's Twisted Metal offers you half of the
Transformers experience with one hand while demanding full retail price with
the other. It's just the kind of scheme that would please the mighty Megatron.
Above: Transformers that don't transform. What's next? Street Fighters that don't fight?