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Top 7... Cutesy Characters We Want to Beat the Crap Out of

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 1. Tails, Sonic series - (AKA “Miles Prower,” “Bad Pun,” or “Sonic’s Number One Bitch”)

Why:
What began as "oh cool, Sonic has a friend" morphed into the first of many terrible, terrible sidekicks that choked the life out the franchise. He started as a quiet pal who had no purpose in Sonic 2, then a helpful ally in Sonic 3, and shortly after that he gained the "tech nerd" status and started talking about quantum fluctuations and portals to other dimensions. Seriously, go look up some of his dialogue in Sonic Rush, Rivals or any of the other 50-gajillion games, stare us in the eye and say you don't want to smack him upside the head.

Now before the Tails Sky Patrol descends upon GamesRadar, wailing and whining about us casually talking about brutalizing one of their favorite fan-fiction subjects, realize that most of us who say we love this guy actually only love Sonic 2 Tails. The one that didn't talk, the one that was cute without being a nuisance. The one today, the one from the past 10 years, is an annoying piece of shit that should keep his mouth shut and disappear into the depths of hell where he and all the other Sonic pals spawned.

How we'd do it:
Fire up one of his fabulous contraptions that he won't shut up about and drive it all over his stupid face. We don't condone peeling out wildlife, especially the cunning fox, but this two-tailed mutant mastermind of machinery must be murdered. Mwa ha ha!

That's it for Top 7 this week, kids. Check out our Top 7 Compendium for more in the way of itemized lists.

Apr 21, 2008

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Top 7

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25 comments

  • brandon-dees - April 14, 2013 12:50 a.m.

    fuck you tails is cool
  • EwoksTasteLikeChicken - December 3, 2010 11:47 p.m.

    Ha Ha Tails needs to fight 1v1 with Kratos. I would pay good money to see that.
  • Chaoscoolperson - October 30, 2010 3:58 a.m.

    Everything besides Pikachu although I understand why you don't like him. (P.S. Why hasn't Ash ever caught a legendary, even though he has seen all of them. This makes Ash a questionable trainer and means it's not pikachu's fault.)
  • sleepy92ismypsn - October 29, 2010 1:13 a.m.

    Haha, nice art Tyler. Nice face Chris.
  • ObsessionWithEdgeworth - February 28, 2010 2:14 a.m.

    OMG HAHA Larry Butz! He gets sooo annoying. ... Just a second... why is he on here? Isnt this called Top 7 CUTESY characters ect. ect. Since when has a goatee made someone look cute? And you cant burn down his house, he lives with his mom still.
  • FanofSaiyan - December 5, 2009 2:07 a.m.

    The ultimate culmination of eye-poppingly cute and sadistic mayhem you'll ever find in this website.
  • rangermaster240 - November 9, 2009 4:09 a.m.

    Why is it that i have ALWAYS wanted to just make a zelda game with microphone ability and just yell at navi, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!! I KNOW THAT THE CLOUD OVER DEATH MOUNTAIN IS WEIRD!!!! JUST DIE!!!!"
  • ryno - November 22, 2008 3:27 a.m.

    your forgeting Issun from Okami. id feed him to my lizards or stick him in a microwave and turn it on
  • ryno - November 22, 2008 3:18 a.m.

    i want Navi's blood. er i mean ectoplasm or whatever shes got.
  • Super_gamer73 - November 13, 2008 3:54 a.m.

    Navi is the most annoying. I like the suggestion for Navi removal.
  • Cwf2008 - December 8, 2008 1:06 a.m.

    Hmm well i guess the Tinkerbell comparison keeps gamesradar from going too ballistic on Navi, but what i'd do is stick a grenade in wherever Navi talks from, tie it to a missle, set it on fire, and then fire it off a cliif.
  • cricket0 - September 22, 2008 2:46 a.m.

    Those characters are kinda nessecary, but as the article says, extremly annoying!
  • Coolbeans69 - August 31, 2008 8:08 p.m.

    lol! Funniest feature yet!
  • evileasterbunny666 - September 9, 2009 12:51 a.m.

    yes yes...... eat that navi REAL good. Look! That frog's tounge getting closer!!!
  • MassEffectfan - September 8, 2009 10:48 p.m.

    all i have to say is damn
  • MoonPig - September 8, 2009 6:37 p.m.

    first, id remove Butz's toinails 1 by 1 with a pair of pliers, then id stick needles in the soft flesh underneath, then id hook them up to a car battery and light his eyelashes on fire and THEN id get NASTY! also, make Navi die please
  • melloe - April 28, 2009 8:30 a.m.

    HAHA I love Pikachu's cheap-ass lightning attacks in Super Smash Bros
  • Bov11 - April 5, 2009 1:05 a.m.

    whatserface from King Kong.
  • UsernameAlreadyInUse - April 3, 2009 12:45 a.m.

    HEY!!!! oh wait you already knew what i was going to say because ive said it 100,000,000,000,000,000,000... times? Oh ill stop....HEY!!! Oh ya...HEYEHEYEHEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEY......BOOM HEADSHOT!! What i have always thot the WHOLE TIME
  • pjbuhl - February 7, 2009 10:35 p.m.

    what about the begger lady from assasin's creed she always messes up my missions =/

Showing 1-20 of 25 comments

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