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Top 7... Cutesy Characters We Want to Beat the Crap Out of

3. Jake, Advance Wars: Dual Strike / DS - (AKA “Peppy Youth,” “1337 Speak Guy,” or “That Annoying Bastard”)

Why:
Not only is there no point to this character’s existence besides a marginally cool theme song that warrants attention on YouTube; he’s also an insult to all that is Geek. Thanks to the cutesy art style of Advance Wars, Jake’s “peppy youth on the who inspires hope within the grim meat hook reality of war,” is redundant and totally ineffective because he's not that cute. And tacking on his quasi-1337 speak (“You got owned!”) is insult to injury and more than enough incentive to dream of driving a hammer into his skull as many times as it takes to make him somehow not annoying. 

How we’d do it:
Beat him with a copy of the American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language until the little prick learns to talk right.

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25 comments

  • brandon-dees - April 14, 2013 12:50 a.m.

    fuck you tails is cool
  • EwoksTasteLikeChicken - December 3, 2010 11:47 p.m.

    Ha Ha Tails needs to fight 1v1 with Kratos. I would pay good money to see that.
  • Chaoscoolperson - October 30, 2010 3:58 a.m.

    Everything besides Pikachu although I understand why you don't like him. (P.S. Why hasn't Ash ever caught a legendary, even though he has seen all of them. This makes Ash a questionable trainer and means it's not pikachu's fault.)
  • sleepy92ismypsn - October 29, 2010 1:13 a.m.

    Haha, nice art Tyler. Nice face Chris.
  • ObsessionWithEdgeworth - February 28, 2010 2:14 a.m.

    OMG HAHA Larry Butz! He gets sooo annoying. ... Just a second... why is he on here? Isnt this called Top 7 CUTESY characters ect. ect. Since when has a goatee made someone look cute? And you cant burn down his house, he lives with his mom still.
  • FanofSaiyan - December 5, 2009 2:07 a.m.

    The ultimate culmination of eye-poppingly cute and sadistic mayhem you'll ever find in this website.
  • rangermaster240 - November 9, 2009 4:09 a.m.

    Why is it that i have ALWAYS wanted to just make a zelda game with microphone ability and just yell at navi, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!! I KNOW THAT THE CLOUD OVER DEATH MOUNTAIN IS WEIRD!!!! JUST DIE!!!!"
  • ryno - November 22, 2008 3:27 a.m.

    your forgeting Issun from Okami. id feed him to my lizards or stick him in a microwave and turn it on
  • ryno - November 22, 2008 3:18 a.m.

    i want Navi's blood. er i mean ectoplasm or whatever shes got.
  • Super_gamer73 - November 13, 2008 3:54 a.m.

    Navi is the most annoying. I like the suggestion for Navi removal.
  • Cwf2008 - December 8, 2008 1:06 a.m.

    Hmm well i guess the Tinkerbell comparison keeps gamesradar from going too ballistic on Navi, but what i'd do is stick a grenade in wherever Navi talks from, tie it to a missle, set it on fire, and then fire it off a cliif.
  • cricket0 - September 22, 2008 2:46 a.m.

    Those characters are kinda nessecary, but as the article says, extremly annoying!
  • Coolbeans69 - August 31, 2008 8:08 p.m.

    lol! Funniest feature yet!
  • evileasterbunny666 - September 9, 2009 12:51 a.m.

    yes yes...... eat that navi REAL good. Look! That frog's tounge getting closer!!!
  • MassEffectfan - September 8, 2009 10:48 p.m.

    all i have to say is damn
  • MoonPig - September 8, 2009 6:37 p.m.

    first, id remove Butz's toinails 1 by 1 with a pair of pliers, then id stick needles in the soft flesh underneath, then id hook them up to a car battery and light his eyelashes on fire and THEN id get NASTY! also, make Navi die please
  • melloe - April 28, 2009 8:30 a.m.

    HAHA I love Pikachu's cheap-ass lightning attacks in Super Smash Bros
  • Bov11 - April 5, 2009 1:05 a.m.

    whatserface from King Kong.
  • UsernameAlreadyInUse - April 3, 2009 12:45 a.m.

    HEY!!!! oh wait you already knew what i was going to say because ive said it 100,000,000,000,000,000,000... times? Oh ill stop....HEY!!! Oh ya...HEYEHEYEHEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEY......BOOM HEADSHOT!! What i have always thot the WHOLE TIME
  • pjbuhl - February 7, 2009 10:35 p.m.

    what about the begger lady from assasin's creed she always messes up my missions =/

Showing 1-20 of 25 comments

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