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Top 7... Cutesy Characters We Want to Beat the Crap Out of

6. Professor Kawashima, Brain Age / DS - (AKA, “Dr. Kawashima,” “Brain Age Dude,” and “Bespectacled Man Who Laughs At You”)

Why:
For a game that gruelingly tests our patience and our IQ, we need something cute and endearing to keep our spirits up and salve our wounded egos when we score about 12 years below where our brain actually is. What we get instead is a patronizing, passive-aggressive twat that not only makes us feel bad about ourselves for being dumb--er, not “smart,” but he also makes us feel bad for resenting him because he’s based on the real life Professor Ryuta Kawashima, who’s really an okay guy. Why can’t his avatar live up to the image?

One of our interns said it best: “So you want to play Sudoku?  Okay.  Hey, first why not draw a fire hydrant?  Just do it. How's that look compared to this example? Not so good huh? Oh well. I'll save it anyway. Want to go to Sudoku now? Did I mention you haven't visited in awhile? I did? It’s pretty early today, thus making my glasses foggy so I might have missed that. Hmm? Oh right Sudoku. Okay. Hey, do you want to know when you choose the wrong number? Well, alright. Anyway, see ya soon, have fun with Sudoku!”

How we’d do it:
Take his glasses and break them. Pick his nose with a pickaxe. And then give him a trashy Britney Spears makeover complete with shaven head. Who looks stupid now? Jackass.

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25 comments

  • brandon-dees - April 14, 2013 12:50 a.m.

    fuck you tails is cool
  • EwoksTasteLikeChicken - December 3, 2010 11:47 p.m.

    Ha Ha Tails needs to fight 1v1 with Kratos. I would pay good money to see that.
  • Chaoscoolperson - October 30, 2010 3:58 a.m.

    Everything besides Pikachu although I understand why you don't like him. (P.S. Why hasn't Ash ever caught a legendary, even though he has seen all of them. This makes Ash a questionable trainer and means it's not pikachu's fault.)
  • sleepy92ismypsn - October 29, 2010 1:13 a.m.

    Haha, nice art Tyler. Nice face Chris.
  • ObsessionWithEdgeworth - February 28, 2010 2:14 a.m.

    OMG HAHA Larry Butz! He gets sooo annoying. ... Just a second... why is he on here? Isnt this called Top 7 CUTESY characters ect. ect. Since when has a goatee made someone look cute? And you cant burn down his house, he lives with his mom still.
  • FanofSaiyan - December 5, 2009 2:07 a.m.

    The ultimate culmination of eye-poppingly cute and sadistic mayhem you'll ever find in this website.
  • rangermaster240 - November 9, 2009 4:09 a.m.

    Why is it that i have ALWAYS wanted to just make a zelda game with microphone ability and just yell at navi, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!! I KNOW THAT THE CLOUD OVER DEATH MOUNTAIN IS WEIRD!!!! JUST DIE!!!!"
  • ryno - November 22, 2008 3:27 a.m.

    your forgeting Issun from Okami. id feed him to my lizards or stick him in a microwave and turn it on
  • ryno - November 22, 2008 3:18 a.m.

    i want Navi's blood. er i mean ectoplasm or whatever shes got.
  • Super_gamer73 - November 13, 2008 3:54 a.m.

    Navi is the most annoying. I like the suggestion for Navi removal.
  • Cwf2008 - December 8, 2008 1:06 a.m.

    Hmm well i guess the Tinkerbell comparison keeps gamesradar from going too ballistic on Navi, but what i'd do is stick a grenade in wherever Navi talks from, tie it to a missle, set it on fire, and then fire it off a cliif.
  • cricket0 - September 22, 2008 2:46 a.m.

    Those characters are kinda nessecary, but as the article says, extremly annoying!
  • Coolbeans69 - August 31, 2008 8:08 p.m.

    lol! Funniest feature yet!
  • evileasterbunny666 - September 9, 2009 12:51 a.m.

    yes yes...... eat that navi REAL good. Look! That frog's tounge getting closer!!!
  • MassEffectfan - September 8, 2009 10:48 p.m.

    all i have to say is damn
  • MoonPig - September 8, 2009 6:37 p.m.

    first, id remove Butz's toinails 1 by 1 with a pair of pliers, then id stick needles in the soft flesh underneath, then id hook them up to a car battery and light his eyelashes on fire and THEN id get NASTY! also, make Navi die please
  • melloe - April 28, 2009 8:30 a.m.

    HAHA I love Pikachu's cheap-ass lightning attacks in Super Smash Bros
  • Bov11 - April 5, 2009 1:05 a.m.

    whatserface from King Kong.
  • UsernameAlreadyInUse - April 3, 2009 12:45 a.m.

    HEY!!!! oh wait you already knew what i was going to say because ive said it 100,000,000,000,000,000,000... times? Oh ill stop....HEY!!! Oh ya...HEYEHEYEHEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEY......BOOM HEADSHOT!! What i have always thot the WHOLE TIME
  • pjbuhl - February 7, 2009 10:35 p.m.

    what about the begger lady from assasin's creed she always messes up my missions =/

Showing 1-20 of 25 comments

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