Top 7... Blue Ball moments

3. Aerith dies - Final Fantasy VII

What happens:
We all remember spending 20 odd hours building up the healing stats of quiet flower girl, Aerith, while being vaguely flirtatious. However, we were completely shocked as evil incarnate - Sephiroth - floated down to drive a big ass sword through Aerith’s torso. Fanboys were speechless, children wept and we were all robbed a hot girl with the best powers in the game. Dammit!

Above: What a dick move

Yes, Aerith’s sacrifice was crucial to the story, because Sephiroth - the dick that he is - made it super personal. You know when you’re talking to a hot chick at a bar and you spend two hours flirting, playing darts and teasing one another? And then the dick you work with walks right up and stabs her to death? This game is the equivalent of that night two weeks ago.

Above: Haunting our nocturnal emissions

Blue Balls:
It kinda goes without saying that Sephiroth is the biggest cock blocker in the gaming world (well, besides the original Donkey Kong). Finally, we’re given a game where we can actually give a damn about our relationships, only to have it snatched away from us. We suppose it’s a testament to superb game design where we actually give a shit 11 years after playing. *sniff*


Top 7


  • psycho ninja 4 - August 24, 2011 2:36 a.m.

    In No More Heroes you only find out about Henry being your Bro in a alternative ending. That was a really odd moment
  • FreekinIdiot - August 11, 2010 10:14 a.m.

    Wait, wait, wait " Before Link is about to utter “I want you inside me,” Zelda snatches the ocarina and transports him back in time to live out his youth, without sex and feeling like a douche. Roll credits! I'm sure Link wants to be inside Zelda...not the other way round...I hope.
  • D0CCON - February 17, 2010 12:12 a.m.

    I think using the phrase "making WhooHoo!" for the sims is way better than, ahem, making cumsies. need eye bleach
  • Dessel_Ordo - November 9, 2008 5:44 a.m.

    actually, the 11th is "Thou shalt not (rooster)-block thy brother" "bros before hos" is the 12th "thou shalt not mess with another mans junk" is the 13th. sorry, just had to clear that up
  • Bri77777 - September 29, 2008 12:50 a.m.

    Yay! First one!
  • PivotPlurals1 - September 5, 2009 9:43 p.m.

    skykid, do you even know what blue balls is?
  • linkganon - July 30, 2009 10:58 p.m.

    you know, seth macfarlaine, creator of family guy created a mini series called seth macfarlaine's cavalcade of cartoon comedy and one mini episode includes mario saying what he had to do to get to her, he went through 7 castles finding out she's in another castle. search it up on youtube, it's there.
  • marsuveeus - June 15, 2009 5:10 p.m.

    The way that Peach acts in Super Mario Bros. 3 makes you think that she actually does not like Mario, but Bowser! Where did that demented offspring come from any way?
  • AnonymouZ - June 14, 2009 3:19 a.m.

    @Skykid ... hahaha! nice one... like the world really cares what a 13yr old KID thinks!
  • Skykid - June 10, 2009 3:20 p.m.

    GR, did you break out the stupid ideas box again? Don't do that, I really hate it when ya do that.
  • KillerPotato - June 4, 2009 8:07 p.m.

  • Ravenbom - February 10, 2009 5:42 a.m.

    QFT "What a hilarious bitch"
  • Smeggs - July 31, 2009 1:38 a.m.

    "I'm sorry but your princess is in another castle...HAHAHA just kidding" *Punch in the mouth* "I just fought through an entire continent of dinosaurs, dragons, ghosts and who the hell knows what else to save YOU! I'M GETTING A REWARD!"
  • hanky_panky - June 15, 2009 8:52 a.m.

    awww dont be so harsh to Link... he just thought he wuld get cooties..(hes a kid in a dudes body wat u expect??) but later on he wuld start kicking himself in the junk for ruining his chances.. or maybe he'll go back in time and tell himself to go for it... they can even do wat my name says reCAPTCHA: snuffers Mass
  • marioman50 - February 10, 2009 1:54 a.m.

    Haha, couldn't help but laugh at the hilarious bitch caption.

Showing 1-15 of 15 comments

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