Letâ€™s get this straight: a girl, talking to her teddy bear, saying sheâ€™s moved on to Nintendogs because they better appreciate her â€œvolcanicâ€ outfit? Girls with a wall full of teddy bears should not wear â€œvolcanicâ€ outfits. That can only lead to stuff like this:
Condescending ads like this only prove exactly how hard it is to be a girl gamer. And for that matter, how hard it must be to be Reid Collins:
Above: Must be tough to be the only sixth-grader with a full mustache, huh?
But while weâ€™re on the subject of obnoxious girly-girl stereotypes, take a look at this ad for Solar Fox on the Atari 2600:
The Valley-Girl accent and smug announcer are certainly grating, but theyâ€™re only part of the whole embarrassing equation. Take a look at Mr. Solar Fox himself. This little clip could be the originator of the age-old obnoxious stereotype that all men want to do is play video games, and that women are just pretty but ultimately superfluous distractions. And when you see the â€œchanging solar fieldsâ€ Mr. Fox is so engrossed in, itâ€™s hard not to feel just a little ashamed of yourself for caring so much about the bump-mapping in Killzone 2.
Ads that portray women as bimbos are one thing, but in order for an ad to truly make you cringe, the men in them have to be portrayed equally badly. Which, of course, brings us toâ€¦
4. Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2: Boobfest 2
We get it, sheâ€™s supposed to be a ninja hiding behind a wall, and her breasts are giving away her hiding place. But still. Look at the guys (and one girl!) who feel the need to check those drywall hooters: do you think they thought this through?
Think about the possible outcomes if you were in that situation. If the breasts youâ€™ve touched are indeed fake, then youâ€™ve just been fooled into touching fake breasts, revealing you as another loser enslaved by the lure of boobs, or more accurately, boob-shaped objects. And if theyâ€™re real breastsâ€¦ well, then youâ€™ve just groped a girl whoâ€™s ostensibly trying to hide from you. Mazel tov.
Really, thereâ€™s no reason for this ad to exist: we understand that, in Sigma 2, developer Team Ninja wanted to draw attention to the fact that the notoriously big-breasted Ayane from Dead or Alive was a playable character. Well, itâ€™s pretty clear from this ad â€“ and the more recently released viral video below â€“ what they believed she was bringing to the table:
Anyway, the game is about ninjas â€“ why does it need boobs, anyway? There arenâ€™t even any stealth sections that might call for Ayane to be hidden; God forbid a moment goes by where any part of her body might be covered up. Seeing as how this viral campaign has almost nothing to do with the game, itâ€™s almost as if the Team Ninja PR team was egging us on to do something like this:
Seriously, check out this guy:
Good sir, may we remind you - there are real boobs right next to you. This isnâ€™t the first time Team Ninja pulled this kind of thing, either: check out the trailer for the first Ninja Gaiden. It really seems like Team Ninja lacks sufficient confidence in the ability of exploding limbs, katanas and blood fountains to sell their games to a male adolescent market. So they add boobs, too. Itâ€™s enough to draw in the guys above, so itâ€™s got to work on you, right? Right?