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The Top 7… Biggest bulges

GamesRadar travels south to find out who’s packing the most heat below the belt

Words: , PC Gamer_staff on January 23, 2012
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2. Soulcalibur V – Voldo

Edward Scissorhands meets the gimp from Pulp Fiction with Voldo, Namco Bandai’s most frightening contribution to the fighting game genre. And he’s coming back in Soulcalibur V. With the same creepily slinky moves, the sadomasochist is still quite the contortionist – and his wiggly fighting style still makes our skin crawl. But in his latest appearance on the stage of history, Voldo’s got a new, S&M-friendly accessory.

Take a close look at the face-like codpiece sported in the Soulcalibur V screenshot above. It really pulls Voldo’s leathery outfit together, literally. Gaze into the eyes of the facial codpiece, and try to not get lost in the gaping mouth holding his leather-strapped chest piece in place.

1. Touch My Katamari – King of All Cosmos

He is the King of All Cosmos, and by the looks of the drunken creator of all things celestial, he’s got the whole world in his pants. Just look at the size of that thing! Remember, this piece of promotional art for Touch My Katamari on the PS Vita is not drawn to scale.

The planet-sized father puts all Big Daddies to shame. As we attempt to fathom our insignificant place in the galactic folds of the King of All Cosmos’ inner seam, we find ourselves left with a sense of wonder and awe… and also being lost. We sense that we are quite lost and are having trouble finding our way out of these gigantic skintight leggings. 

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Platforms:

Xbox 360, PS3, PC, PS Vita, Wii, DS, Arcade, SNES

60 comments

  • XanderGC - January 27, 2012 10:29 a.m.

    Speaking of bulges and I hate that began a sentence like that I couldn't help but notice the massive one everytime I played MVC3 and Taskmaster was in the team. Artist render: http://tinyurl.com/7lebbb9 Ingame: http://tinyurl.com/7k2p44m

  • babyface - January 27, 2012 9 a.m.

    Really hoping the podcast this week is titled battle of the bulge

  • soren7550 - January 25, 2012 10:31 a.m.

    Should have used Reshiram instead of Beartic.

  • codystovall - January 25, 2012 3:58 p.m.

    soren knows what Im talkin bout.

  • Fox_Mulder - January 25, 2012 9:11 a.m.

    I saw the tauren and thought "Did I miss a secret unit in SC II?" I didn't, but it's a shame it was only a joke.

  • Ravenbom - January 25, 2012 5:32 a.m.

    Arkham City's Batman Inc. suit's codpiece was actually a little distracting to me. I think Custer from Custer's Revenge packs the most heat but that game gets a little overused.

  • Thequestion 121 - January 24, 2012 9:46 p.m.

    The funniest Top 7 I've read in a long time. Keep up the good work!

  • SenorHurt - January 24, 2012 5:35 p.m.

    Mr. Nagata, I respectfully beg to differ with the #1 entry. Nothing, I mean nothing beats the 'bulges' in Zone of the Enders. They are larger than people for Pete's sake. I think they may literally be cockpits for their pilots. Yes, that pun was intended but no less true.

  • augdog - January 24, 2012 10:48 a.m.

    Now THIS is the incisive jarnalism I expect from GR!

  • RonnyLive19881 - January 24, 2012 7:32 a.m.

    Wow, this article isn't all that surprising coming from a website that gave crap like Saints Row 3 a 10... and Skyward Sword a 9... $#!%#$@!%!!!!

  • Cwf2008 - January 24, 2012 7:50 p.m.

    OH quit your bitching. A 9 is a very respectable score. Also Saints Row 3 is fun as hell so STFU

  • ThisIsMyFuckingThirdAccount - January 24, 2012 8:59 p.m.

    YES BECAUSE VIDEO GAMS ARE SIRIOUS BUSINESS.

  • c-c-c-combo breaker - January 25, 2012 4:59 p.m.

    Oh dear.

  • GhostNappa2k10 - January 27, 2012 3:22 a.m.

    Sorry, but they both got the scores they deserved. Saint's Row The Third is a masterclass in how to create an open-world game, and Skyward Sword is a sprawling epic, but it has its problems. Put up or shut up.

  • Asloveszuko - January 24, 2012 4:54 a.m.

    A Top 7 worthy of hanging around the best Top 7's!

  • BubDot - January 25, 2012 8:51 a.m.

    Or bottom 7

  • Asloveszuko - February 2, 2012 6:16 a.m.

    *shrugs* Your opinion, not mine.

  • codystovall - January 24, 2012 4:42 a.m.

    Doesnt reshiram have a bigger bulge than beartic.

  • AlpineGuy - January 23, 2012 11:05 p.m.

    Yes. Just....yes.

Showing 1-20 of 60 comments

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