5. StarCraft II – Tauren Marine
In World of Warcraft, you can spot a Tauren from a mile away. Known for their horny heads and cloven hoofs, the anthropomorphized bovines are hard to miss and have battled with being the butt of too many cow-related jokes over the years. But in a most rare occurrence of franchise-crossover silliness, the Tauren made a brief appearance in StarCraft II Terran armor.
Created for an April Fool’s Day joke, the Terran Tauren dons the heavy metal armor of a Terran marine. Depicted by Blizzard artist Sam “Samwise” Didier in the image above, the Tauren can be seen wielding a massive machine gun with a Murloc companion. Let your eyes wander south, however, and you’ll notice a disturbing warning printed across the Tauren’s impressive codpiece that reads “NOT MILK.”
Indeed, that is not milk curdling beneath the Tauren’s cold, blue armoring. It’s semen. Gobs and gobs of anthropomorphized bovine semen.
4. Muscle March – Muscle marching men
Powerful, graceful and well-oiled, the men of Muscle March leave little to the imagination, with their tiny g-string thongs clinging to those firm buttocks for dear life. Inspired by the Human Tetris (aka Hole in the Wall) segment on wacky Japanese gameshow Tonneruzu no Minasan no Okage deshita, Muscle March finds you and your bodybuilding friends in pursuit of a stolen jar of protein powder.
It’s hard not to respect the proud, half-naked army of marching men and their barely masked masculinity as they break through walls and squeeze their bulky bodies through the tiniest of cracks.
3. Saints Row: The Third – You (aka me, Tyler Nagata)
THQ took the character-creation slider to the next level with Saints Row: The Third, giving players the freedom to pack as much or as little junk in their character’s front seat as they want. Gone are the days of hanging out in the open world with a grower-not-a-show-er tucked away between the thighs like some sad little secret.
Now, crime fans can enjoy the same level of detail and customization enjoyed by less-deserving body parts. Eat your heart out, eyebrow and nose sliders. The sex-appeal slider has arrived, and the sandbox will never be the same again.