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The Top 7… Biggest bulges

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This week, GamesRadar heads south. Moving past the Mario mustaches of the world, our journey takes us beyond the nippled twin peaks and down below the belt. It is here that two thighs meet. And it is here that our real work begins. Join us as we wrestle with matters of anatomy to call out the Top 7 biggest and most impressive bulges we’ve encountered on game characters. 

7. Pokemon Black & White – Beartic

Beartic may be an Ice-type Pokemon, but this bipedal polar bear is packing some heat. While most trainers agree that Beartic is gender-neutral, try telling that to the icy spears of masculinity exploding from the bad bear’s loins.

Power and accuracy statistics are useless for measuring the intimidation factor that Beartic’s spiky mound brings to play when battling other trainers. With its icy breath, Beartic will freeze opponents in place, leaving them with no choice but to gaze upon this Pokemon’s true source of power as it feasts on their pet’s flesh with its cold, hard fangs.

6. Street Fighter – Sagat

Our investigation continues, taking us to the world of Street Fighter, where we face the fearsome one-eyed monster: Sagat. The Muay Thai fighter has experienced several shameful defeats, which saw the loss of his eye during a battle against the father of Street Fighter joke Dan Hibiki and the addition of a tortured scar carved across his chest with Ryu’s deadly dragon punch. You can even see the great Sagat on the verge of tears, grimacing while E. Honda bitch-slaps him to death on the cover of the SNES version of Street Fighter II Turbo.

Above: Sagat seems to suffer from a case of selective gigantism below the belt

Still, despite his many humiliating losses, Sagat wears his wounds with pride and continues to fight like a true world warrior. His ability to persevere can undoubtedly be attributed to the fighter’s manly virility, the evidence of which can clearly be seen lurking beneath the billowy folds of Sagat’s roomy trunks.

Above: His primal power is also highlighted in this Street Fighter II Turbo cover art and this resin statue by SOTA Toys

In theory, Yoga master Dhalsim could use his mystic powers to extend the length of his unmentionable limb, but of course, diameter matters too. And with Sagat, the proof is in the pants pudding.

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60 comments

  • XanderGC - January 27, 2012 10:29 a.m.

    Speaking of bulges and I hate that began a sentence like that I couldn't help but notice the massive one everytime I played MVC3 and Taskmaster was in the team. Artist render: http://tinyurl.com/7lebbb9 Ingame: http://tinyurl.com/7k2p44m
  • babyface - January 27, 2012 9 a.m.

    Really hoping the podcast this week is titled battle of the bulge
  • soren7550 - January 25, 2012 10:31 a.m.

    Should have used Reshiram instead of Beartic.
  • codystovall - January 25, 2012 3:58 p.m.

    soren knows what Im talkin bout.
  • Fox_Mulder - January 25, 2012 9:11 a.m.

    I saw the tauren and thought "Did I miss a secret unit in SC II?" I didn't, but it's a shame it was only a joke.
  • Ravenbom - January 25, 2012 5:32 a.m.

    Arkham City's Batman Inc. suit's codpiece was actually a little distracting to me. I think Custer from Custer's Revenge packs the most heat but that game gets a little overused.
  • Thequestion 121 - January 24, 2012 9:46 p.m.

    The funniest Top 7 I've read in a long time. Keep up the good work!
  • SenorHurt - January 24, 2012 5:35 p.m.

    Mr. Nagata, I respectfully beg to differ with the #1 entry. Nothing, I mean nothing beats the 'bulges' in Zone of the Enders. They are larger than people for Pete's sake. I think they may literally be cockpits for their pilots. Yes, that pun was intended but no less true.
  • augdog - January 24, 2012 10:48 a.m.

    Now THIS is the incisive jarnalism I expect from GR!
  • RonnyLive19881 - January 24, 2012 7:32 a.m.

    Wow, this article isn't all that surprising coming from a website that gave crap like Saints Row 3 a 10... and Skyward Sword a 9... $#!%#$@!%!!!!
  • Cwf2008 - January 24, 2012 7:50 p.m.

    OH quit your bitching. A 9 is a very respectable score. Also Saints Row 3 is fun as hell so STFU
  • ThisIsMyFuckingThirdAccount - January 24, 2012 8:59 p.m.

    YES BECAUSE VIDEO GAMS ARE SIRIOUS BUSINESS.
  • c-c-c-combo breaker - January 25, 2012 4:59 p.m.

    Oh dear.
  • GhostNappa2k10 - January 27, 2012 3:22 a.m.

    Sorry, but they both got the scores they deserved. Saint's Row The Third is a masterclass in how to create an open-world game, and Skyward Sword is a sprawling epic, but it has its problems. Put up or shut up.
  • Asloveszuko - January 24, 2012 4:54 a.m.

    A Top 7 worthy of hanging around the best Top 7's!
  • BubDot - January 25, 2012 8:51 a.m.

    Or bottom 7
  • Asloveszuko - February 2, 2012 6:16 a.m.

    *shrugs* Your opinion, not mine.
  • codystovall - January 24, 2012 4:42 a.m.

    Doesnt reshiram have a bigger bulge than beartic.
  • AlpineGuy - January 23, 2012 11:05 p.m.

    Yes. Just....yes.

Showing 1-20 of 60 comments

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