Things The Force Unleashed won't unleash

Six subjects Star Wars' darkest episode won't touch - but should

And Christ, have you seen what Maris Brood is wearing?

We're just saying, is all.

If there's one especially dark spot in Force Unleashed, it's Darth Vader. The game represents a stunning returnto form for the Dark Lord of the Sith, turning the whiny bitch we've come to hate back into the dynamo of pure evil that we used to love.He's once again hateful,violent andin the habit ofkilling people for reasons that range from "failure" to "he was just there, I don't know."

His evil was never more palpable than when we played as Vader in Force Unleashed's first level. Everything about him emanates raw, barely restrained anger, from his lurching movements to the way he dismissively Force-chokes Wookiees and hurls them aside. But what struck us the most was his herky-jerky Frankenstein walk. Vader doesn't walk, run or stroll - he stomps, and if he's stomping toward a Wookiee, that Wookiee is about to get its shit cut off. So it got us thinking: why not use Vader's incredible stomping power for one of the most horrific execution techniques of all time?

Above: Imperial History X

It might be a stretch for Star Wars, but not for videogames - after all, we've already seen the "good guys" in Gears of War smash a few jaws against a few curbs. Sure, there aren't any curbs on Kashyyk, but Vader's a smart guy. He can improvise.

Over the course of Force Unleashed, you will hurl men around like ragdolls. You will rip chunks off the environment and send it screaming into your enemies' faces at high speeds. You will even unleash the forbidden destructive powers of Force lightning.

But you will never, ever, EVER use the Force to open a pickle jar.


Maybe it's something we can hope to see in the sequel?

Jul 31, 2008


After graduating from college in 2000 with a BA in journalism, I worked for five years as a copy editor, page designer and videogame-review columnist at a couple of mid-sized newspapers you've never heard of. My column eventually got me a freelancing gig with GMR magazine, which folded a few months later. I was hired on full-time by GamesRadar in late 2005, and have since been paid actual money to write silly articles about lovable blobs.
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