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Jeffrey Dahmer was a cannibal, Charles Manson was a deranged cult leader and John Wayne Gacy, worst of all, dressed up like a friggin' clown. Yet the complete list of these horrible, horrible murderers - together with dozens of depraved others - is apparently about 3,000 words less significant than the list of Maverick boss characters in the Mega Man X series.
And that's compared to the list of serial killers by country. Look up the list of serial killers by number of victims and the difference grows to 6,000. Go ahead and add the two lists together if you want - at 8,000 words total, they still fall short of the sheer terror and infamy inspired by Cyber Peacock, Blizzard Buffalo, Overdrive Ostrich and Armored Armadillo. Ooh, we're getting chills just thinking about them!
Above: The true face of evil
Let's be honest. Who doesn't love Gardulla the Hut? Who didn't have a poster of Cole Fardreamer or Elan Sleazebaggano hanging on their bedroom wall as a kid? Who wouldn't beg their parents to buy them that Klaatu action figure for the holidays?
Qwi Xux, Plo Koon, 2-1B, Chief Chirpa, Yarna D'al Gargan, Baron Soontir Fel, Meewalh, Oola, Commander Cody, Baron Soontir Fel, Trask Ulgo, Gartogg, Wam "Blam" Lufba and, of course, little Windy... all of them are forever entwined in our dreams and imaginations.
Clearly, the list of minor characters in the Star Wars universe should be seven times as large as the page on the Founding Fathers of the United States. Clearly.
Also more important than the Founding Fathers!
• Minor Star Wars droids = 10,105
• Minor Star Wars villains = 9,648
• Minor Star Wars bounty hunters = 5,236
• Minor Sonic the Hedgehog characters = 12,595
• Minor Mortal Kombat characters = 6,286
• Minor StarCraft characters = 5,640
• Minor One Piece characters = 17,446
• Minor Sailor Moon characters = 7,251
• Minor Gundam Wing mobile suits = 3,584
• Minor recurring characters in Star Trek: Deep Space Nine = 5,097
Heed our warning - Wikipedia is only the beginning. Soon, textbooks will have entire chapters devoted to fairies and fishmen. Language students will learn Goron instead of Greek. History class will forgo the Romans for the Rito, while anthropology discards the Spanish and Swedish for the Subrosians and Skull Kids.
Nonsense, you say? Tell that to the 730 million residents of Europe, whose deep and diverse ethnic backgrounds just got pwned by a bunch of elves, gnomes, talking twigs, golden frogs and mutant chickens.
Oh yeah, and Tingle.
Also more important than the population of Europe!
• Elder Scroll races = 8,489
• Pokemon types = 4,362
• Final Fantasy monsters = 6,637
• Halo aliens = 5,478
• Middle-earth orcs = 4,845
• Fictional cats = 10,248
• Fictional dragons = 8,651
(there are non-fictional dragons?)
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