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The worst box art of 2009

13. Doctor Fizzwizzle’s Animal Rescue


Released: Oct 28

 

Sooo… Dr. Fizzwizzle rescues animals from… wandering around in a barnyard? With bubbles? From railroad tracks? There’s so much going on here, and most of it is completely incoherent. Why is the cow almost the same size as the chicken? Why is the pig made of ice cream? And what role do those neatly arranged barrels play in all of this?

That sheep knows, but he’s not telling. Look at that sly bastard. He knows you’ll buy this just to find out what he’s keeping from you.

12. Russell Grant’s Astrology


Released: May 1

 

ARE YOU A BAD ENOUGH DUDE TO GET YOUR HOROSCOPE FROM JOHN GOODMAN’S FATTER BROTHER?

11. MLB 2K9 Fantasy All-Stars


Released: March 3

 

While it’s ugly and a little jarring, it’s hard to understand the true depths of this box’s awfulness without comparing it to the cover for the “real” MLB 2K9:

 

That’s right: employing what appears to be a boardwalk caricaturist, Fantasy All-Stars has turned SF Giants starting pitcher Tim Lincecum into a horselike goober who not only bears little resemblance to the actual man, but whose back will forever draw extra attention to the fact that his name ends with “cum.”

10. Space Camp


Released: May 26

 

So many questions raised by this box. Are the kids in space, or just at Space Camp? If it’s Space Camp, then why does the surface of Alabama look like Mars? And if it’s actually Mars, then why are those two idiots walking around with their helmets off?

Really, though, we’re just mocking this so we can point out one key bit of laziness: the Wii remote in the astronaut’s hand. On the DS version of the game. Apparently they’ll make a whole new game to accommodate the handheld, but they draw the line at changing one detail on the packaging.

9. Rollin’ Rascals


Released: May 12

 

Apart from the fact that they’re kind of roughly drawn, the key thing to notice about this box is that it prominently features a bunch of severed animal heads rolling around on a kitchen floor. That they seem to be content, if not outright delighted, with their predicament should only further your sense of unease.


8. My Ballet Studio


Released: Nov 17
 
 

Hey, if you can think of a way to sell ballet games that doesn’t involve creepy little girls and badly Photoshopped heads, you’re… well, you’re probably anyone else besides the people at 505 Games.


Alien Monster Bowling League


For every hundred or so awful pieces of box art, there’s a diamond in the rough – that is, an incredible image used to illustrate what is probably an unbearable game. This is that image:

 

We have to hand it to AMBL here; it’s a game that probably didn’t demand a whole lot of thought or commitment from its artist, but that artist took it seriously and gave the world this super-intense Yeti showing off his sweet-ass Nelson hairdo at what we can only assume is some kind of intergalactic bowling alley. Congratulations, whoever you are: you took a stupid concept and polished that turd to a mirror sheen.

Still, we’re kind of obligated to find a way to make fun of it, so…

 


Just Dance


 

What is Just Dance, exactly? It’s hard to tell just from the box, which advertises its track listing almost as prominently as the title, and as a result ends up looking like the kinds of pop compilations that record labels shit out every summer. Obviously it’s a game – the people pictured are holding Wii remotes - but it’s not making it clear why you’d even need a game for the experience it’s offering. At the risk of seeming preachy, wouldn’t it be cheaper to buy the CD it seems to be cross-promoting and, you know… just dance?

73 comments

  • randilon - September 22, 2010 4:12 a.m.

    Doctor Fizzwizzle’s Animal Rescue! Hey i cant stop laughing everytime i remember the look on the sheep's face and you saying Dolly knows you’ll buy this just to find out what doctor’s keeping from you. OMG Hillarious man... That sheep i'll remember for my entire life
  • Randomwordcombination - June 30, 2010 3:14 a.m.

    Great article!! That NAMBLA bowling league literally made me laugh out loud.
  • twewy13 - January 28, 2010 8:50 p.m.

    r-r-r-r-r-r-raaaaaadio those martians were awesome
  • linkganon - January 3, 2010 6:40 p.m.

    if gamesradar has not done this yet, they probabally should. how about an article that includes the best boxart of 2009? i'm not sure if it wasn't done so this is why i'm saying they should.
  • StefanGrey - December 28, 2009 3:46 a.m.

    Is it me or does the Yeti on the bowling game kinda look like he stole Omega Red's hair & bandana?
  • FanofSaiyan - December 28, 2009 12:50 a.m.

    Hilarious, can't wait to see what box art they skewer in 2010. :D
  • PrierAdmirer - December 26, 2009 4:50 a.m.

    Hilarious. Once again, the zoom-in what never fails to disappoint. Great article GR.
  • Aelphais - December 23, 2009 9:05 p.m.

    For the record, The Void is an excellent game that is not for everyone but stands out as being something mostly different in this space marine filled FPS brown world. It doesn't hold your hand nor present the entire game as one long tutorial. Also there are a lot of naked women.
  • hardcore_gamer1990 - December 21, 2009 8:57 p.m.

    YES A YOUNG ONES REFERENCE It's bad that I can quote something older than I am, isn't it? xD
  • JustTheBoBreaker - December 21, 2009 5:01 a.m.

    The Hysteria Hospital box is hilarious. And what's with the peace sign meaning "fuck you" in the UK?
  • sveini22 - December 19, 2009 1:37 p.m.

    awfull all of them
  • GamesRadarMikelReparaz - December 18, 2009 7:46 p.m.

    @TonyBlue05: Hmmm... more than likely it's a stock photo that companies can pay to use, but that does explain the bizarre way he's holding the DSi in that shot.
  • TonyBlue05 - December 18, 2009 6:05 p.m.

    Whoops, sorry. Here it is again, but it fits now: https://www.bloodhero.com/resources/ images/store/game_gift_lg.jpg
  • TonyBlue05 - December 18, 2009 6:04 p.m.

    You know what else is funny about the System Flaw cover? It's douche hero is a stolen pic: https://www.bloodhero.com/resources/images/store/game_gift_lg.jpg
  • jackthemenace - December 18, 2009 5:51 p.m.

    OMG, this is so funny! although almost all of the games are from nintendo... hmmm... is it just me, or is #6 basically just "the hills have eyes" remake for kids?
  • G1drake - December 18, 2009 4:17 p.m.

    monkeys....making xxx in my box art?
  • noobeater - December 18, 2009 2:58 p.m.

    oh yea and i love how you constantly zoom in on one...it made me laugh this year and so it did last year
  • noobeater - December 18, 2009 2:56 p.m.

    the oxymorons were funny as fuck great article and the point you made about the gloves and eyes was genuinly scary to think about and yes the wii is aweful
  • GamesRadarMikelReparaz - December 18, 2009 1:46 a.m.

    @Darkhawk: Check last year's article.

Showing 1-20 of 73 comments

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