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The very best and worst of games merchandise

GAMECOCK SOCK

Why only one sock? Well, we have a creeping suspicion that this particular sock is not supposed to be for one's feet. It might have been all well and good when the fit bodies that are the Red Hot Chili Peppers sported these in a promo for their 1984 debut album, but it generally doesn't have the same affect when members of the gaming establishment try for a similar look. We were already traumatized with the image of Gamecock's Mike Wilson having a wardrobe malfunction at the Funeral for E3 party in 2007, and now we have this image burnt into our mind.

Where'd it come from?: Distributed by Gamecock at various events. Often found littering bedroom floors of game journalists.

VIRTUAL FREE BEER

Mmmm… beer. Lovely, ice-cold beer. It's especially nice when people give you free beer for no reason - it somehow tastes better. But virtual free beer? That's just a bad joke. True, being able to get virtually bladdered in various taverns in Age of Conan: Hyborian Adventures for virtually nowt does have some perks - namely when playing the Drunken Brawling mini-game. Simply don the Drinking Cape, and free virtual alcohol will flow. Free virtual beer? We hope it's not a trend - leaves a nasty taste in the mouth. Which we need to wash away with real beer.

Where'd it come from?: Given out in a Funcom newsletter to those who signed up before the game was officially launched and as part of the Age of Conan: Hyborian Adventures Collector's Edition.

GTA IV FOAM HAND

A great big blue foam hand that has absolutely no practical use whatsoever. It's for waving at the Liberty City Swingers, an in-game baseball team. However, as a few bemused journalists have already pointed out, the fingers are arranged in the shape of 'The Shocker'. If you don't know what that is, ask your dad.

Where'd it come from?: Handed out to the press by Rockstar.

 

A PLASTIC FINGER

This is truly horrifying, although not in the way that the PRs who sent it out - to promote Clive Barker's Jericho - probably hoped it would be. What if that gunk leaked over our clothes? Is it machine washable? According to the label at the top of the plastic bag, it's Non Toxic, which is something of a relief.

In case it's not evident from the picture, the pink thing in the bottom is supposed to be a severed FINGER, and one can only presume that the black substance is supposed to be blood. Out of the bag and the gunk, it doesn't look much like a finger at all, but then we're not sure what we were expecting.

Where'd it come from?: Sent out as a promo item to hacks pre-Jericho release.

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29 comments

  • BeastlyB - July 31, 2009 5:49 p.m.

    I would LOVE to get some NMH toilet paper, I wouldn't use it I'd put it on my shelf and stare at it for hours to come I'm getting the feeling one day someone will use it because they ran out of toilet paper NOOOOO! The PW cards look awesome and so does the mario mouse DO WANT!
  • key0blade - January 29, 2009 10:37 p.m.

    lol Shocker glove
  • Maikeru_Go - January 25, 2009 11:31 a.m.

    If they really were going to make darts from DMC, they really needed to have some kind of rose theme to them as it does fit in with that one move from DMC4.
  • thochaos - January 10, 2009 5:25 a.m.

    I have one item from each list. The Big Daddy from the good, and the GTAIV safety deposit box from the bad. The RE4 aftershave looks cool.
  • foarthelulz - January 10, 2009 2:39 a.m.

    maro mouse=awesome
  • foarthelulz - January 10, 2009 2:38 a.m.

    maro mouse=awesome
  • foarthelulz - January 10, 2009 2:37 a.m.

    maro mouse=awesome
  • CandiedJester - January 10, 2009 2:15 a.m.

    I thought that blood was a t-shirt at first O.o And..how did I know know about this Bioshock collectors edition?! D; I might have to pick one of those up >__> I want big daddy statue.. and I agree with kianbung, the aftershave bottle looks pretty cool. It reminds me of the movies.
  • Tomsta666 - January 9, 2009 8:13 p.m.

    I could just go for a nice frosty Pißwasser right about now!!!
  • kianbung - January 9, 2009 8:31 a.m.

    the RE4 bottle actually looks pretty cool. i looked at play-asia - gyakuten saiban playing cards sold out =/
  • cped - January 9, 2009 2:18 a.m.

    i wish the pip-boy worked and the Lancer shoulda been on the awesome list
  • KnightDehumidifier - January 9, 2009 2:18 a.m.

    If there is one great piece of gaming merchandise worth noting, it's the Heavenly Sword letter opener modeled after the sword in the game. Cool enough to open letters or threaten co-workers.
  • PCG_Evan - January 9, 2009 12:52 a.m.

    Dante darts, haha. Outstanding. XL-by-default t-shirts deserve some mention here, too.
  • flare149 - January 9, 2009 12:09 a.m.

    I love the Safety Deposit box. Yeah it's not a really one, but it still works really well as a good place to hide stuff
  • Snarf - January 8, 2009 9:31 p.m.

    I thought they made Nuka-Cola for Fallout 3 like they did with the GTA4 Pisswasser beer.
  • Xplosive59 - January 8, 2009 7:46 p.m.

    wow that resi after shave looks absolute awesomeness... why didnt you put the lancer on the awesome list... or at all?
  • SkullSplitter - January 8, 2009 6:53 p.m.

    The only thing I want on this list is the sackboy and maybe the Mario mouse.
  • MeesesGlokmah - January 8, 2009 5:43 p.m.

    I actually wouldn't mind some of those products on the Worst list. The RE4 Aftershave, if anything, has a cool bottle, and the DMC Darts could be fun. That severed finger, though, is just disturbing.
  • NullG7 - January 13, 2009 12:42 a.m.

    I suppose you could make the pip-boy work like the in game one but you would have to enter every thing you do I cant see geting arounfd that problem for the next 60 years...
  • cart00n - January 12, 2009 11:33 p.m.

    Personally, I really dug on both of the special editions for GTA4 and BioShock (Fallout 3's is really awesome, too, but I never got the Amazon exclusive one). While the "safety-deposit" box isn't all that burly, did you really expect it to be? Hell, just the shipping costs on one of those things would be enormous! But I actually USE everything that came in that package! The duffle is pretty great, the key-ring is aces, and the box has become a great place to put all of my family's important documents. The BioShock package was really cool, tho' I would've liked the artwork for the standard edition's box to have been included somewhere in the package. And the lunch-box and Vault-Boy bobble-head are absolute classics - really surprised you didn't mention them...

Showing 1-20 of 29 comments

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