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The very best and worst of games merchandise

REAL DRINKABLE PISSWASSER BEER

Rather than an image of this charming in-game advert, we were intending to include an actual picture of one of the real life bottles that Rockstar gave away to publicise Grand Theft Auto IV (as if it needed any more publicity). But we drunk it all.

The beer itself wasn't anything to write home about, seemingly one of those generic brands that allow companies to design their own labels for corporate events and the like, but it was still a very, very good idea. The kind of thing to be encouraged when PR agencies are considering what to give journos as gifts.

Where'd it come from?: Guzzled at the GTA IV launch party, and sent by the crate load to peoples of the press. Sometimes bottles turn up on eBay for extortionate prices.

LARA CROFT EVENING DRESS STATUE

Lara Croft has rather a lot of statues and figures of her likeness available to buy, but this is one of the better ones, and one of the most popular. Only 3500 of this particular 9 inch high statue were made by Steve Varner and his team at Varner Studios, and they now only shift for around $300-$500 a piece.

Perhaps the charm of this particular statue is that although Lara is in her classic spy pose, rather than being in her usual outfit of shorts, top and boots, she's gone decidedly classy and is clad in a slinky black number.

Where'd it come from?: Official Eidos merchandise, now extremely rare and sought after.

NO MORE HEROES TOILET PAPER

It was a toss up as to which list this item made it into - was it art or arse, the height of tackiness or a work of genius? In the end, judging by the number of people who frequent the GR toilet and ask if they can have a roll, it's ended up in the best list.

Intended to be given away as a promo at the Japanese launch of No More Heroes, but after hardly anyone turned up to buy the game on its first day of release, boxes of the rolls were airlifted to American journalists who would appreciate their true brilliance.

Each sheet is lovingly printed with the No More Heroes image on the wrapper, although I have no idea what ply they are, or whether they’re soft, strong, or very long. Why toilet paper?, perplexed readers might well ask. Well, in the game, the main character Travis Touchdown, errr, touches down on the porcelain potty to save his progress.

Where'd it come from?: Given out with copies of the game on launch day in Tokyo, also delivered in boxes to US video games publications.

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29 comments

  • BeastlyB - July 31, 2009 5:49 p.m.

    I would LOVE to get some NMH toilet paper, I wouldn't use it I'd put it on my shelf and stare at it for hours to come I'm getting the feeling one day someone will use it because they ran out of toilet paper NOOOOO! The PW cards look awesome and so does the mario mouse DO WANT!
  • key0blade - January 29, 2009 10:37 p.m.

    lol Shocker glove
  • Maikeru_Go - January 25, 2009 11:31 a.m.

    If they really were going to make darts from DMC, they really needed to have some kind of rose theme to them as it does fit in with that one move from DMC4.
  • thochaos - January 10, 2009 5:25 a.m.

    I have one item from each list. The Big Daddy from the good, and the GTAIV safety deposit box from the bad. The RE4 aftershave looks cool.
  • foarthelulz - January 10, 2009 2:39 a.m.

    maro mouse=awesome
  • foarthelulz - January 10, 2009 2:38 a.m.

    maro mouse=awesome
  • foarthelulz - January 10, 2009 2:37 a.m.

    maro mouse=awesome
  • CandiedJester - January 10, 2009 2:15 a.m.

    I thought that blood was a t-shirt at first O.o And..how did I know know about this Bioshock collectors edition?! D; I might have to pick one of those up >__> I want big daddy statue.. and I agree with kianbung, the aftershave bottle looks pretty cool. It reminds me of the movies.
  • Tomsta666 - January 9, 2009 8:13 p.m.

    I could just go for a nice frosty Pißwasser right about now!!!
  • kianbung - January 9, 2009 8:31 a.m.

    the RE4 bottle actually looks pretty cool. i looked at play-asia - gyakuten saiban playing cards sold out =/
  • cped - January 9, 2009 2:18 a.m.

    i wish the pip-boy worked and the Lancer shoulda been on the awesome list
  • KnightDehumidifier - January 9, 2009 2:18 a.m.

    If there is one great piece of gaming merchandise worth noting, it's the Heavenly Sword letter opener modeled after the sword in the game. Cool enough to open letters or threaten co-workers.
  • PCG_Evan - January 9, 2009 12:52 a.m.

    Dante darts, haha. Outstanding. XL-by-default t-shirts deserve some mention here, too.
  • flare149 - January 9, 2009 12:09 a.m.

    I love the Safety Deposit box. Yeah it's not a really one, but it still works really well as a good place to hide stuff
  • Snarf - January 8, 2009 9:31 p.m.

    I thought they made Nuka-Cola for Fallout 3 like they did with the GTA4 Pisswasser beer.
  • Xplosive59 - January 8, 2009 7:46 p.m.

    wow that resi after shave looks absolute awesomeness... why didnt you put the lancer on the awesome list... or at all?
  • SkullSplitter - January 8, 2009 6:53 p.m.

    The only thing I want on this list is the sackboy and maybe the Mario mouse.
  • MeesesGlokmah - January 8, 2009 5:43 p.m.

    I actually wouldn't mind some of those products on the Worst list. The RE4 Aftershave, if anything, has a cool bottle, and the DMC Darts could be fun. That severed finger, though, is just disturbing.
  • NullG7 - January 13, 2009 12:42 a.m.

    I suppose you could make the pip-boy work like the in game one but you would have to enter every thing you do I cant see geting arounfd that problem for the next 60 years...
  • cart00n - January 12, 2009 11:33 p.m.

    Personally, I really dug on both of the special editions for GTA4 and BioShock (Fallout 3's is really awesome, too, but I never got the Amazon exclusive one). While the "safety-deposit" box isn't all that burly, did you really expect it to be? Hell, just the shipping costs on one of those things would be enormous! But I actually USE everything that came in that package! The duffle is pretty great, the key-ring is aces, and the box has become a great place to put all of my family's important documents. The BioShock package was really cool, tho' I would've liked the artwork for the standard edition's box to have been included somewhere in the package. And the lunch-box and Vault-Boy bobble-head are absolute classics - really surprised you didn't mention them...

Showing 1-20 of 29 comments

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