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The (un)funniest games of March

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• Reduces a once-cool franchise to a joyless celebri-wank.
• Edges out original characters in favor of lame parodies.
• Has controls horrible enough to make Wii Sports boxing look like a god-damned masterpiece.
• Is basically the videogame equivalent of Meet the Spartans or Disaster Movie.
• Kills souls, eats puppies and murders grandmothers.



Dewie Streudel
There are celebrity parodies, and then there are sad, crass caricatures that are vaguely depressing to everyone who looks at them. David Hasselhoff parody Dewie Streudel falls into the latter category, and what makes him even sadder is that Hasselhoff agreed to voice the fat bastard.


Above: Oh god, it’s like he doesn’t even realize how bad he’s got it 

Look, Mr. Hasselhoff: it’s great to be a good sport and have a sense of humor about yourself and the fact that you’ve only achieved mass popularity in Germany, but at least be a little picky about the ways in which you play along. Think of it as the difference between being a kid who cracks jokes at his own expense, or being a kid who’ll eat bugs for a nickel. What you’ve done here falls squarely into the latter camp.


Above: Does this even qualify as humor? We don’t know, we’re asking 

The intros
Aside from the cartoonishly flailing action in the ring, the only place that R2RR manages to shoehorn in some personality is in Michael Buffer’s intro of each boxer – which, remarkably, are almost completely devoid of personality. What’s that, you say? David Beckham parody Mosh Deck’Em is fresh off the injured list? Why, that’s hilarious, sir. Simply hilarious.

 

Keep your eyes out in the video above for Dragon Chew’s intro, which features the worst Bruce Lee caricature in recent memory.

The ending
Suffer through the degradation that is Ready 2 Rumble Revolution’s arcade mode, and you’ll be rewarded with the following:

Oh yeah? Well, eff you too, asshole game. Eff you too.


Above: SHAUN WHITE WILL HAUNT YOUR NIGHTMARES



Rumble KOs
Ready 2 Rumble Revolution is pure, vile anti-comedy. It’s a depressing black pit into which comedy crawls to die. So in a game so bereft of genuine humor, we’re forced to declare things “funny” that we would ordinarily never even consider clever. Like, say, the Rumble KOs, which you’ll quickly discover are the only smart way to end fights in this ridiculously stiff, unbalanced game.

 

Activate your fighter’s “rumble” power and use its special combos to run down your opponent’s health to zero, and instead of knocking them down, you’ll blast them straight out of the ring, ending the fight. This is mildly fun for the first five minutes, which incidentally is about the amount of time before the computer will start systematically using it against you.

The final boss seems to be based on Suge Knight
 

That’s kind of funny, we guess? At least it’s unexpected.

Comparing announcer Michael Buffer to the other in-game characters


Above: THESE MEN INHABIT THE SAME WORLD




• Plays like a relic from 1991.
• Thinks it’s way funnier than it actually is.
• Has a tired action-movie-parody plot.
• Features “investigation” scenes that amount to talking to everyone onscreen once before moving to the next level.



The supporting cast
The problem with having a humorous standout character like Lewis Cannon (see below) is that his absence makes his friends’ attempts at comedy look even worse. Honestly, they’re groan-inducing enough even when he’s around:

Take Lewis out of the scene, however, and the game practically creaks with effort as it tries to make them say something funny:

 

And then there’s the Chief, constantly giving you “hilarious” tips whenever you enter his office.

Bleah.
 
The cloyingly cute pedestrians
Not only are the investigation bits the worst part of the game, but this forced and brainless bit of gameplay subjects you to the labored gags of faceless nobodies, which you actually have to read. Here’s a small sampling:
  

  
“Oh my, aren’t their names funny? Oh, and the things they say, delightful. I can’t wait to finish talking to this one so I can talk to the 14 other idiots standing between me and the next level.” That’s what your mom said about that part.
 
Lewis “too much of a good thing” Cannon
We know we're in love with Lewis a few paragraphs below, but when he’s the sole thing keeping the game going, he wears out his welcome. What was once funny soon becomes grating, and having to set aside the actual game to read his chatter gets old fast.


 
Over the longer than expected duration of Tokyo Beat Down even the one shining star in this comedy misfire ends up pushing your buttons. That’s Tokyo Beat Down’s problem all over: a comical premise stretched over an increasingly tiresome game.



The Intro cinema
This intro really gets you revved up for the game, until you play and see that it’s mostly a lie. No car chases that you control. No high drama. No cool explosions. If you get excited imagining these scenes playing out, then the joke is on you.
 

 

On the plus side, it’s filled with some of the best laughs the game has, mostly in how well it parodies cop show openings. The scene of the Chief drinking coffee gets us every time.

Lewis Cannon’s definition of justice
Despite the intro cinema’s lies of a well-rounded cast, the only one that matters is Lewis Cannon. Now, that name alone nearly throws him in the unfunny section, but we enjoyed his company from the very first level on, and it’s fun to watch him define right and wrong in violent black and white, the way a powerful child would.
 

 

 

As the game goes on, he comes off as an adrenaline junkie, constantly screaming “JUSTICE!” at thugs before and after shooting them. His innocent and uncomplicated version of good and evil is at the heart of his fist-centric war on crime.

Lewis Cannon is insane
Lewis also made us laugh by crossing the line between simply itching to fight felons and pure, unbridled lunacy. Sort of like he does when he and a superior approach a terrorist situation:
 

 

 
He dives out to his doom just to prove he can and, damn it, he lives. Despite all the less than believable stuff happening earlier in the game, this moment basically breaks reality. Yet it happens so brazenly and ridiculously that we couldn’t help but chuckle.

Apr 8, 2009


The Top 7… unfunny games
They tried to make us laugh. Instead, they just made us angry


The Top 7... Most embarrassing live-action game scenes
Oh 1992, you were too pure for this world



8 of the lamest game endings ever
Oh... that's it?

We Recommend

32 comments

  • BusterG - July 8, 2009 5:26 a.m.

    You guys are morons (the haters). The game is specifically tailored to a crowd which reasonably would enjoy the George Carlin type of humor the game has. I mean really, what kind of person is interested in a guy chainsawing people relentlessly (where in the hell does that chainsaw retract to?) in a game in which the goal is to get points off of the variety of ways you can kill people and is then offended by cursing? I found the humor to be incredibly hilarious just because of how outrageous the commentators were, and I believe the excessively f**ked up humor matchs the excessively f**ked up premise of the game. For those who haven't played the game If you are easily squeamish or offended, the game has an M rating for f**ks sakes anyways and you shouldn't pick it up. If you aren't a fan of George Carlin type humor stay away There are about 12 levels and every level has the same schematic: rack enough kills for a bloodbath event where in which you kill several people in a humorous fashion. Then, you kill even more people until you fight a boss. Although the scheme can be tired and monotonous, it was actually the hilarious commentators their outright disrespect for all things and racism (the black baron was intentionally made to be outright racist, its obvious, and as I stated earlier if you have any qualms with this you aren't the type of person the game was made for in the first place) and the upbeat gangster rap that kept me playing. I just wanted to write the rebuttal for people who liked the game, because frankly all I have been reading is comments from people who should have never played the game or even commented on it in the first place. And what the hell is up with all the security on this site?!?! lol
  • Romination - April 14, 2009 10:38 p.m.

    I agree with RaidEn or however it's capitalized... they're just so extremely outrageous and over the top. just like the game! GIZZL-ZAP! (that's gasp)
  • jballboy88 - April 12, 2009 5:29 p.m.

    HEY CHRIS ANTISTA!!!!!! I HAVENT GOTTEN MY ROCK BAND BASS GUITAR YET...... YOU SAID 8 TO 12 WEEKS..... AND THAT WAS IN THE END OF JANUARY...... SO, WATS THE HOLD-UP!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
  • MagicArmadillo - April 11, 2009 3:44 p.m.

    What is the song for the first funniest parts Madworld video?
  • foarthelulz - April 11, 2009 11:36 a.m.

    the NIMF has NO idea wahtsoever about what they're talking about. Oh we're sorry that Madworld is gory whhy don't you just go of and play the 100,000,000 casual baby and wedding designer games b4 u start saying that Nintendos losing its casual audience
  • TedDidlio - April 11, 2009 1:36 a.m.

    most of this shi*t wasn't funny, but fuck anyone who doesn't think that "hobo chode" is the funniest thing they've heard in a long f*cking time.
  • ssj4raditz - April 10, 2009 4:47 a.m.

    For the record, I really liked Eat Lead. Despite its flaws, the humor was pretty good, at least for me. Maybe I'm just easily entertained...
  • RaIdEn - April 10, 2009 12:52 a.m.

    i think the mad world commentators are funny for the sole reason of them being completely ridiculous
  • Cwf2008 - April 9, 2009 10:32 p.m.

    @Halokiller: Just like your mom
  • noobeater - April 9, 2009 8:28 p.m.

    @peefree i laughed my head of at tht statement where the F**k do people get off saying that. i hate ignorance of people such asthe so called 'national institute on media and the family' try playing the nes snes n64 gameboy etc.. then you'll see what real games are also great article!
  • bioshocker - April 9, 2009 7:49 p.m.

    I was really looking forward to Eat Lead it had tons of potential (and Will Arnett) and was forgetable.
  • Peefree - April 9, 2009 7:43 p.m.

    Did anyone else read the linked article on MadWorld? Here's a little excerpt. "The National Institute on Media and the Family hopes that Nintendo does not lose sight of its initial audience and continues to offer quality, family-friendly games." Funny, I never knew that Nintendo's initial audience was the baby sim crowd.
  • c03n3nj0 - April 9, 2009 4:13 p.m.

    Some parts in MadWorld and Eat Lead are pretty funny... Too bad the latter wasn't good though.
  • Levy - April 9, 2009 2:35 p.m.

    Yeah Halo Killer, like its okay to like Halo, but you need to respect other people's gaming needs Seriously man, It's people like you (Rabid Fanboys) that give Halo and Killzone such a bad name in the gaming community and read the article, or even just the headline and put it together
  • Samael - April 9, 2009 2:19 p.m.

    @Halo Yeah because that's totally what the article was saying...
  • LinkSceptile333 - April 9, 2009 2:16 p.m.

    Madworld was a very good game, HaloKiller. I think you're just a fanboy.
  • Unoriginal - April 9, 2009 1:02 p.m.

    That R2RR is the saddest excuse for a ending I have ever seen. The fanfare music sounds like someone in the recording studio accidentally forgot to record the first 2/3 of it.
  • ZombiePirate215 - April 9, 2009 4:44 a.m.

    Gawd, that Lewis Cannon guy is an ass. I haven't even played the game and I already want to shove an ice pick through his skull. Nice article
  • Levy - April 9, 2009 4:12 a.m.

    but really don't hate me..... second means nothing to me...... if it did I would have said third to.....
  • Levy - April 9, 2009 4:11 a.m.

    2nd and yeah blackface........ nothing above GR just kidding love you guys!

Showing 1-20 of 32 comments

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