The Top 7... Worst things you can do to a gamer

Short of setting them on fire or something...

3) Start a conversation

Take a look at us. Are we pressing buttons? If the answer's yes, we're playing a videogame and don't want to be disturbed. There are very few verbal utterances anyone can say in this situation that won't incur a gamer's wrath. "Would you like a beer?" is one of them. "What's your favourite beer?" is not. There's a subtle difference.

Non-gamers will understandably get frustrated as attempts to converse fall on deaf (or annoyed) ears, but they should consider the equivalent level of absorption that a good movie can bring.If you're in the cinema and someone starts jabbering away, it's annoying as hell, right? Likewise with gaming. Another comparison would be the anger that wells up inside you when someone tries talking to you when you're reading a book. You can only tolerate it for so long before you snap and scream 'I'VE READ THIS SAME LINE 20 TIMES' right in their stupid face. It's like that, only worse because you're making us lose.

Above: Now look what you made me do!

Worst of all is the assumption that if we're holding a controller but not pressing any buttons, we are not playing. This is not true. It is probably a cut-scene, and therefore talking is even more dispicable than it would be if we were pressing buttons. Any kind of noise now will make us miss what was surely the most vital plot point known to man, hours after the last save and seconds before the next one. There's also the (tiny) chance that we're playing Kinect, and therefore (loosely) also a videogame.

Above: A handy cut-out and keep guide to whether someone is playing a game or not. Do not question, learn

If we're watching a cut-scene, even "Would you like a beer?" will be met with seething anger, unless you time it to the exact millisecond to insert between plot revelations.So, the question is simple. Do you feel lucky, punk?

2) Walk in front of the TV

‘You make a better door than a window!’ is a direct, yet jovial response to someone unknowingly standing in your line of sight as your trying to watch something else. A quick apology from the culprit and you’re back to watching the football. No problems there. But play this scenario out as you’re enjoying a bit of game time and that line is replaced with hissed swears and instant declarations of war.

Above: Look familiar?

Whether it’s an accident or not, stepping in front of a gamer as they’re playing something is like pulling a lion’s dangly bits – a face of sheer anger awaits. Especially if it’s during an online game that can’t be paused. One member of GamesRadar UK has – at least once – conceded a goal in FIFA 11, been mêlée killed in Modern Warfare 2 and blown up two of his allies with a Holy Hand-grenade in Worms 2: Armageddon all because someone mindlessly parked their arse in front of the telly.

Above: Come on, it's not rocket science. Follow the line and no-one gets hurt

The worst part about this seemingly innocent act is the lack of any warning. Suddenly battling Bioshock’s Big Daddy battles are obscured by big behinds. It’s like someone shoving their hand over the page you’re reading in a book or shouting over your favourite bit of music. In short, this small act of mindlessness needs to stop, otherwise nevermind these culprits being shown the door -they’ll be flung through the nearest window.

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