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The Top 7... Worst scenes in Uwe Boll movies


The game: A gravelly voiced trailer-park resident goes on a series of simple errands, during which he can choose to decapitate people with a shovel and give everyone anthrax as his town devolves into chaos around him.

 

The movie: A whiny-voiced loser goes on a series of simple errands that all devolve into insane chaos, and he eventually becomes embroiled in a struggle between al-Qaida and a cult led by Dave Foley. Also, Boll shows up as the owner of a Nazi-themed amusement park and gets his balls shot off. Yes, really.

 

The worst scene: For all its pre-release, OMG-is-it-actually-good buzz, Postal turned out to be just another shitty comedy. Sure, it’s got its moments – like when it successfully plays a bunch of kids getting shot to death for laughs – but in the main it’s a jumble of irritating one-dimensional characters, misguided shock-jokes and badly directed shootouts that crop up for no good goddamn reason.


Above: Ha ha, it’s like you can taste her fear! Hilarious! 

Probably the best example of “no good goddamn reason” is this early scene, in which Officer Greg walks over to help an old Asian lady stuck in traffic, and then blows her away for – you guessed it – no good goddamn reason:

Oh, wait, there is a reason. He thinks she was being racist, even though nothing that came out of her mouth sounded even remotely like the n-word.

Oh, wait, that’s not the REAL reason. Here, watch it again, this time with Boll’s commentary:

Ha ha! Oh, Uwe, you incorrigible scamp. How lucky we all are that you can work through your personal issues with Asian drivers using the medium of film.

Topics

Top 7

62 comments

  • 2cute2Bcruel - September 26, 2010 5:42 a.m.

    Boll is to movies what Hitler is to paintings. I guess.
  • DoctorCrazy - May 9, 2010 11:04 p.m.

    Why are all his movies filmed in Vancouver?
  • Scotch - November 30, 2009 3:53 a.m.

    this is one of my favorite top sevens and a classic podcast :D
  • Games_Radar_DaveMeikleham - October 2, 2009 11:08 a.m.

    Uwe Boll is amazing. That is all.
  • AGNGoo - October 22, 2008 5:32 p.m.

    The real scary thing? Uwe Boll is actually a pretty well-respected director in his native Germany, to the point where he's written books on the subject of movie making and one's even a commonly used textbook in German film schools. Having seen some of his German-language stuff, which is not amazing but still pretty good, and seen German horror movies in general directed by people I have to assume took a page from his book (literally), I must conclude either 1.) Uwe Boll is just trying to pull Americans' collective legs by acting insane and violent and incapable of directing a good movie or 2.) he's on a one-man mission to subvert the American horror film industry so that Americans have to look overseas for their good horror. If it's the latter, he's way too late for that.
  • blunt ambition - October 18, 2008 11:22 p.m.

    Bloodrayne, Alone in the dark and now I hear he's been hired for Far cry the movie. He's just the worst director ever.
  • rhysbolt - October 6, 2008 5:26 p.m.

    lol never say the n word
  • MultiGamer - October 4, 2008 6:46 p.m.

    Uwe Boll should be locked away, far away from all games. Same goes for Paul Anderson.
  • Iffo - September 28, 2008 2:47 p.m.

    Ok, I figured out why the kids in HotD see the action as mid 90's 3D graphics - they're clearly on drugs! But I can't figure how Dr.Curien had so much spare time (you know between all the research and plans of taking over the world) to record an egocentric hip hop tune that describes his manor as The House of The Dead?! This is worse than Cole's "tune" in the GoW credits!! Did I heard that correctly? "I am Curien - bringer of the legions of the house of the dead!! I am Curien - bringer of the vengeance!" WTF?!
  • RaIdEn - September 27, 2008 6:57 a.m.

    It's impossible to figure out why this guy got seven movie deals. SEVEN!
  • Yellowhat17 - September 25, 2008 2:09 a.m.

    Bowl's the one doing Farcry? That explains how the plot is changed and it looks like the stupidist movie I've ever seen. Ever... though I haven't seen it. Because it's not out yet. Whatever.
  • Smeggs - September 24, 2008 9:07 p.m.

    There's only one word to describe his movies, Shittastic: There is a reason it is not a word, because there's no such thing as a good pile of shit.
  • DeathbyFira - September 24, 2008 1:06 a.m.

    This guy is a Joke i kind of like to watch his crappy movies to make fun of him but the Asin thing pissed me off i hope this basterd burns in hell for eternity and please lets all sign that petition to stop this basterd form killing all are hopes and dreams for good Gameing Movies thank u
  • Solid_Gabriel - September 24, 2008 12:21 a.m.

    I gotta be honest, i only watched two of his movies. The House of the Dead and Alone in the Dark. But those two really SUCK HARD!!! House of the Dead was the worst of these two i've seen...
  • drunkenfish - September 23, 2008 10:12 p.m.

    omfg that last scene was so hillarious. (House of the Dead not the press shot) The 360 around the old dude w/ the launcher and the weak music. Then the way he spliced in shots of the videogame. omg....omg
  • Fluxnard - September 23, 2008 8:14 p.m.

    Notice at 1:06 (at the House of the Dead video) the girl is holding a shotgun, then shortly after...she has a handgun...
  • monojono - September 23, 2008 6:35 p.m.

    Holy Diver - 20 hours 17 minutes ago "There must be some people here who watvh his movies. Studios wouldnt let him direct if his films didnt make any money" See here - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uwe_boll His films lose money, he pays for them himself thanks to German tax benefits for film-makers.
  • carsonnik - September 23, 2008 6:07 a.m.

    Wait, what the fuck is he saying? Because Asian drivers in Vancouver don't turn left because HE wants them to turn left, he has secret fantasies of him blowing their brains out? That doesn't even make any sense at all. What an asshole, I have a new found hatred for him now.
  • infinite doo - September 23, 2008 5:46 a.m.

    I loved this article, especially the last vid where he actually admits "I hate video games". So there. thats why all his movies suck. he hates the source material. Also, i like getting 7 pages, its more bang for my buck. plus, since its free, its all bang and NO buck, one of the best things ever. Also, i have a lot of free time, so anything to keep me on the site day after day is good =)
  • Fokker1138 - September 23, 2008 2:08 a.m.

    I haven't watched any of his movies outside of Postal, but as far as the comments of "no good goddamn reason", did he even play the game? That's pretty much the theme of Postal and Postal 2, random violence. It's a fun game just for the sheer mindlessness of it, sort of like going on a destructive bender in a GTA game. I think the movie was fairly true to the game and I enjoyed the absurdity of it.

Showing 1-20 of 62 comments

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