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The Top 7... worst jobs for game characters

Wanted: An actual plumber for the Mushroom Kingdom.

Job description: Removing pounds upon pounds of hazardous material from the kingdom's many oversized pipes. Their girth is not intended to be comical, but rather to allow large objects to safely pass through. Some of these objects happen to be human bodies that never reach their destination and fester with all the other waste flowing through the labyrinthine plumbing system. Must sign NDA pertaining to the contents of said pipes. Suppressed gag reflex preferred.

Send resumes to: Hm, it appears that Luigi has already accepted this position.

Suckage factor: High. Ever wonder what happened to Bowser's kids? We bet 100 gold coins that four or five of them are stuck in a pipe somewhere, rotting away and mixing with all the other refuse. And we don't want to think what comes out of Mario after eating all those fire flowers...



Wanted: Listless RPG civilian.

Job description: Working the same dead-end job for your entire life, doomed to a life of obscurity and petty wages. Must serve only one customer - this shopper must be mute, have spiky hair, or travel with a plucky entourage. No one else may buy from your store. Applicant will only be able to speak one, perhaps two lines of dialogue for the rest of his/her life. No chance for advancement, no opportunity for benefits. Must work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, forever.

Submit resumes to: Final Fantasy, Grandia, Chrono Cross, Dragon Quest... any JPRG ever, really.

Suckage factor: Fairly high. You're a dime a dozen and will never hear one kind word of thanks from hero and his world-saving buddes. You'll lead a comfortable life, though "life" is a strong word. We prefer "purgatory existence."

Topics

Top 7

14 comments

  • santaclouse37 - November 18, 2010 12:48 a.m.

    The only Fatality that ever really genuinely disturbed me was the one where Ermac slams his own head against the ground until it explodes. That shit was creepy long before Dead Space copied it in the one corridor bit.
  • BurntToShreds - August 21, 2010 5:07 a.m.

    Manny: I believe that the turtle boss is from Contra 3 for the SNES.
  • WesJones87 - August 17, 2010 2:49 p.m.

    The fatality video was B-E-A-Utiful!
  • Da-Ku - August 31, 2008 6:01 p.m.

    The Comment System Is Good But Not I Have To Go Back To Every Article I Read And Say "Great Article"... *sigh*
  • Manny-Faces - December 9, 2008 4:09 a.m.

    what games the turtle first boss from again im having a brain fart any1? and good article never looked at games like this before.
  • Hurricrane - December 9, 2008 3:24 a.m.

    rofls, RPG villains only serve mute spiked hair dudes XD
  • GamesRadarCharlieBarratt - December 1, 2008 11:38 p.m.

    Keep fighting the good fight, Da-Ku.
  • killemall - March 25, 2009 7:30 p.m.

    its been along time since i've wanted to play motal kombat... but the gruesomeness just makes me want more. I thirst for fatalities~~~
  • runninglizard55 - February 25, 2009 3:52 a.m.

    wow the mortal kombat video was great makes me remember why my mom wouldn't get the game for me when i was in the third and forth grade
  • dougle - January 12, 2009 12:57 p.m.

    great artical
  • Remake - July 7, 2009 4:13 p.m.

    I had to stop the movie after 2 minutes of Mortal Kombat fatalities... that's too much brutal violence for my eyes.
  • dewfish - May 23, 2009 9 p.m.

    the enemy who starts off big and bad and slowly becomes laughable as the game wears on is mostly found in RPGs. Remeber the giant snake in the desert in FFVII? The first time you face him, tough as nails. You get to disc 3 or disc 4 and return to that desert, you can kill him with one hit.
  • MOOSE1234 - April 5, 2009 4:50 p.m.

    aww..last...so far...good article lol at plumber one
  • dougle - January 12, 2009 1 p.m.

    oops *article...lol what a noob

Showing 1-14 of 14 comments

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