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The game: Fable II
The in-game games: Fortune’s Tower, Keystone, Spinnerbox
We’ve worked our way through some truly awful games in games. But those games were free and easy to forgive since everything else was gravy. On the other hand, Fable II’s Pub Games are the only half-assed games this list that someone had the gall to try selling. For 800 Microsoft Points, which is about $10.00 or £6.80, you could download Fable II: Pub Games and play three casino-style games to earn some gold before Fable II released. The package included Fortune’s Tower (a pyramid card game), Keystone (Fable’s take on roulette and craps), and Spinnerbox (a random slot game).
Above: We’d rather play Free Cell
Above: We’d rather download a random number generator
Above: We’d rather shoot ourselves in the face
Like the most casino-style games, Fable II’s Pub Games have a lot of obstacles to overcome right off the bat. First off, casino-style videogames suck. Casino-style games should be enjoyed in actual casinos. You know, those places where you can get free drinks, smoke indoors, and watch senior citizens gamble the last of their social security savings away. They’re also frustrating and often make you feel like the game’s “random” rolls are favoring your AI opponents. But really, our main gripe with Fable II’s pub games has to do with the principle of the matter. You don’t rip off your most faithful fans by selling the second-rate games that’ll come with the boxed copy of Fable II. And if you do, you don’t charge a whopping 800 points for them.
Good movie: Star Wars
We love the Star Wars universe, but the first film hosts an imaginary game of questionable quality. The Millennium Falcon may have made the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs, but all Han’s got to offer his crew for entertainment during their downtime is a fuzzy FMV version of Battle Chess. What’s a Wookie to do?
Above: Chewbacca pits his wits against R2-D2, spawning volumes of dejarik-related fan fiction
Feb 16, 2009
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