The game: Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas
The in-game games: They Crawled from Uranus, Go Go Space Monkey, Let’s Get Ready to Bumble, and Duality
Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas is the first game to truly take the idea of the purposefully bad in-game game to the extreme and run it into the ground. Like most of these kinds of in-game games, the point isn’t whether or not the game is fun. It’s more that they were there, adding to the ambiance of a videogame world that’s so realistic, it even has its own video games. But we still think they should be more fun.
Painful satires of old school games are strategically placed in bars, clubs, convenience stores and game consoles throughout the world so that you, the player, can ignore them. Do you remember any of these games in the game? Don’t worry, we remembered for you and in case you forgot, yes, they all sucked.
Above: Psst. Uranus sounds a lot like “your anus.” Get it?!?!
Above: A generic side-scrolling shooter about a monkey in space who’s trying to go further to the right
Above: Ready to Bumble keeps you “bees-y” as you try to “buzz” your way up the screen
Above: Duality helps make sure that younger gamers are aware of Asteroids
The game: Final Fantasy X
The in-game game: Blitzball
We hate Wakka. We hate his shit-eating grin, his stupid attacks, and his faux Polynesian attire. We even hate his sticky gelled hair. But once we stopped to examine our deep disgust with the Jar Jar Binks of the Final Fantasy series, we realized that it’s not just Wakka we hate. We also hate his favorite fictional sport, Blitzball. That’s the true source of our disdain for Wakka, the game-in-a-game that brought shame to one of our favorite JRPGs series.
So why do we hate Blitzball? Let’s put it this way. Blitzball is so bad that it makes us ponder some of life’s most fundamental questions.
Above: How did we get here? We thought we were playing a JRPG with swords ‘n' shit
Above: Where are we going? Seriously, the camera control gives us vertigo
Above: If God doesn’t exist, is everything permitted? Really, how can we tell right from wrong if we can’t even figure out which way we’re facing?
Above: What is our purpose? We hope it’s not to overcome adversity and form long lasting friendships with these douche bags