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The Top 7… worst games in great games


The game: Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas
The in-game games: They Crawled from Uranus, Go Go Space Monkey, Let’s Get Ready to Bumble, and Duality

Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas is the first game to truly take the idea of the purposefully bad in-game game to the extreme and run it into the ground. Like most of these kinds of in-game games, the point isn’t whether or not the game is fun. It’s more that they were there, adding to the ambiance of a videogame world that’s so realistic, it even has its own video games. But we still think they should be more fun.

Painful satires of old school games are strategically placed in bars, clubs, convenience stores and game consoles throughout the world so that you, the player, can ignore them. Do you remember any of these games in the game? Don’t worry, we remembered for you and in case you forgot, yes, they all sucked.


Above: Psst. Uranus sounds a lot like “your anus.” Get it?!?!


Above: A generic side-scrolling shooter about a monkey in space who’s trying to go further to the right


Above: Ready to Bumble keeps you “bees-y” as you try to “buzz” your way up the screen


Above: Duality helps make sure that younger gamers are aware of Asteroids


 
The game: Final Fantasy X
The in-game game: Blitzball

We hate Wakka. We hate his shit-eating grin, his stupid attacks, and his faux Polynesian attire. We even hate his sticky gelled hair. But once we stopped to examine our deep disgust with the Jar Jar Binks of the Final Fantasy series, we realized that it’s not just Wakka we hate. We also hate his favorite fictional sport, Blitzball. That’s the true source of our disdain for Wakka, the game-in-a-game that brought shame to one of our favorite JRPGs series.

So why do we hate Blitzball? Let’s put it this way. Blitzball is so bad that it makes us ponder some of life’s most fundamental questions.


Above: How did we get here? We thought we were playing a JRPG with swords ‘n' shit


Above: Where are we going? Seriously, the camera control gives us vertigo


Above: If God doesn’t exist, is everything permitted? Really, how can we tell right from wrong if we can’t even figure out which way we’re facing?


Above: What is our purpose? We hope it’s not to overcome adversity and form long lasting friendships with these douche bags


Above: Ugh

Topics

Top 7

79 comments

  • Assassin4than - April 11, 2009 2:47 p.m.

    you should make the best games in better games and have the entire ninja gaiden series in ninja gaiden for xbox,ffvii card game was so fun and also DOA xtreme 2 has half naked girls on jetskis waterslide playing cards and on poker machines so that should be in it somewhere.
  • blackninja2004 - April 10, 2009 5:13 a.m.

    hate Blitzball. when a game inside a game has to have lengthy tutorials then that ruins it for me. wakkas okay but doesnt do anything but wine like a little baby
  • RaIdEn - February 21, 2009 11:35 p.m.

    what about that piece-o-crap email decoder in double agent?
  • Stuffgamer1 - February 20, 2009 10:37 p.m.

    I liked Blitzball enough, I was kinda hoping they'd make a stand-alone version with improvements including multiplayer (online, maybe also off if they could manage it)! That's obviously never going to happen, though. I do fully agree about Pub Games, though. Well, except for the fact that I got it free with the reserve deal. The most annoying part was definitely the Achievements (which I do have all of, amazingly).
  • Flapjackturd - February 19, 2009 9:30 p.m.

    ive nevr played any of these games so i posted dis comment to show i dont care
  • hardcore_gamer1990 - February 19, 2009 1:25 p.m.

    @ Russianred90: They were more training games than actual minigames. Think of them as additional tutorials And In addition to Cyhsquid77's comment, what about the Quark Vid-Comics in R&C Up Your Arsenal? They weren't TERRIBLE, though needing to complete them at high speed to get Skill Points and collecting all the Quark Tokens to get the Titanium Bolts (Yes, these are just bragging rights, i know) was kinda irritating. But yeah, The Quark Vid-Comics were bearable. Not ALL minigames = evil... Just most of them. lol, ReCaptcha : "ignorant 10" - description of most people on XBL possibly? xD
  • crossed23 - February 19, 2009 2:03 a.m.

    Sorry Cronoman66 but Blitzball sucked. I actually quit playing FFX just because of the blitzball force on to the player segment of the game. But that is just me so I have to agree with the site on that one and OH.... Boba Fett didnt die but Im sure you guys really knew that, I mean come on could Lucas really kill off a Mandolarian that easily.... I think NOT!!!
  • Darthkeyblader13 - February 18, 2009 10:15 p.m.

    hey!!!Blitzball was actually a good game! I get how you could hate Wakka
  • Auron - February 18, 2009 9:36 p.m.

    I thought Blitzball was quite good -.-
  • Clownsarescary - February 18, 2009 9 p.m.

    Awsome article, but you missed out Fable 2 - a bad mini game in the overall game of life.
  • sadowolf - February 18, 2009 8:19 a.m.

    i absolutely loathed blitzball at first. but then after suffering thru over 90 games of it to get a goddamn jupiter sigil it kinda grows on you. i never lost a game (i was like 95-0...) so it became kinda fun seeing how badly i could beat the other team and if i could make a goal from over 3/4 fields length away with 3 people guarding me (actually did it a few times). but yea, blitzball sucks haha
  • triforcerpgfreek - February 18, 2009 5:35 a.m.

    yeah pazaak is the only boring part about KOTOR.
  • Spunkypikachu89 - February 17, 2009 11:20 p.m.

    Are you implying that freecell is a bad game? Huh beyatch, u wanna go. Iz gun kik ur azz wit mai roflcopter. See what you did. You made my I.Q. go down because of my frustration with you.
  • Russianred90 - February 17, 2009 11 p.m.

    old game but the god awful arcade games in spiderman 2 ya all the same crap then one in doom 3 and also hated the one in prey in the bar
  • noobeater - February 17, 2009 9:40 p.m.

    oh i menat to say on banjo kazooie if some of you need to know sorry for bouble post
  • Jordo141 - February 17, 2009 6:55 p.m.

    Oh God, the minigames in GTA:SA were truely crap, and hard too. And that cube one in GTA IV was a pain in the ass too.
  • BodyDamage - February 17, 2009 5:12 p.m.

    I actually really enjoyed blitzball in FFX, but man did i hate stupid wakka.
  • SOLIDSNAKE1983 - February 17, 2009 3:08 p.m.

    The mini games in bully were annoying especially the bloody sumo one that you had to do to progress the the story!!!
  • TheKraige - February 17, 2009 11:57 a.m.

    And a great game in a great game, Hero Klungo in Banjo Nuts and Bolts. I like Blitzball and the pub games and ME just needed more indepth version of quasar and an actual need for money seriously thats a game that needs to be like grinding on cetain planets and playin gambling games to get money it basically threw it at you thats my one critisism of that game maybe in ME2.
  • swinghi - February 17, 2009 8:58 a.m.

    C'mon. That air hockey game in Beyond Good and Evil is not on the list. That thing was crazy hard at the higher levels.

Showing 1-20 of 79 comments

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