What do Tony Hawk’s Underground, Need for Speed: Carbon, and Midnight Club have in common? If you read the title of this entry, you already know. After GTA III, the whole industry decided they had to carjack the open world bandwagon and drive it into the ground (can you drive a bandwagon?). Just because GTA did something doesn’t mean you have to – not all games need to scrap linear progression. Linear progression can be fun.
Above: The least entertaining method of transportation
What do we like about skateboarding games? The skateboarding. So Tony Hawk’s Underground introduces… walking? Walking is never fun (at least until the introduction of the Pokewalker).
If you kill a character in a game, please try to leave the bugger dead. If you make your martyr’s death ambiguous so you can pull him out of a hat later, we’re going to see through it. We are aware that you only do this to manipulate our aching little fanboy hearts, so please, stop treating us like giddy, rosy-cheeked marionettes who will dance about every time you pull our strings.
Above: WE HAD NO IDEA DERP DEE DERP
Capcom knew we wanted good ol’ Jill Valentine back in Resident Evil 5, but the least they could have done is make her something other than a cheap plot device who drives the story along until she’s rescued, and then immediately waves “bye bye” and skips away.
And, gee, who could have guessed that Captain Price, everyone’s favorite character, would be back in Modern Warfare 2? What a surprise.
Above: A terrifying Zombie Price, however, would have made us very, very happy
Apr 19, 2010
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