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The Top 7... Unsexy Femme Fatales



"Ham Hands"

Who is she? Catalina. When she's not robbing banks, distributing drugs or running a vast Colombian crime cartel, Catalina enjoys curling up with a good book.

Where's she from? Grand Theft Auto III (2001 - PS2)

What the hell is wrong with her? By seducing the mute hero of GTA III into a hopeless life of law-breaking - and then betraying him for her own personal gain - Catalina guaranteed that she would be the only woman on this list to actually fit the proper, smarty-pants definition of a femme fatale:

femme fa·tale - noun: an alluring woman whose charms ensnare her lovers in bonds of irresistible desire, often leading them into compromising, dangerous, and deadly situations. [French: femme, woman + fatale, deadly.]

Sadly, her melted and misshapen face, her giant ham hands, the broken bag of polygons that's supposed to pass for her body and that god awful voice also guaranteed that she'd fit our definition of a seriously unsexy femme fatale. Oh well. See ya in San Andreas, kid.


 

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15 comments

  • edw0027 - October 17, 2009 4:23 a.m.

    the first one isnt that bad in the beginning of the video. and you could always put a bag over her head
  • SteelStreet - September 29, 2009 6:51 a.m.

    The funniest thing was when he tried to run away in the nomad soul.
  • thochaos - October 29, 2008 7:35 a.m.

    Holy shit, I'd forgotten how awesome I thought battle Arena Toshinden 1 & 2 were back in the Playstations' early days. Oh, good article too.
  • skyguy343 - October 29, 2008 12:17 a.m.

    slutty AND bitchy!?! HOT DAMN I'LL TAKE FOUR!!
  • mozaralio - October 28, 2008 11:56 p.m.

    w00t 2nd comment hmm ok well I agree all those characters were unsexy idk about you but some of the ermm prostitutes? in saints row one were pretty unsexy then again I odnt know if they were supposed to be any way nice article
  • GGsBeat - October 28, 2008 11:13 p.m.

    wow i did not know most of these so called "vixens" existed oh and uhm first i think
  • uz_mike222 - August 19, 2009 8:27 p.m.

    @geosteiner she's in a different Top 7 article dude but nice read
  • zombie95 - July 14, 2009 4:53 a.m.

    dood i know a chic named ashley, shez a cheerleader and she acts like a slut and she iz a bitch sumtimez and she is really hot(big titz 2) and she live like 5 minz away from me(walking). Also there is this other girl she isnt hot but she iz cute, she live close 2 but she has medium sized titz. lolz
  • AnonymouZ - July 9, 2009 11:42 p.m.

    who the hell minds thongs anyway? And... like a comment above, hadn't even heard of most of these ladies. Still a pretty entertaining read x)
  • AA95mp - January 18, 2009 3:52 p.m.

    @skyguy343:your not the only one
  • geosteiner5 - July 15, 2009 10:31 p.m.

    where the hell is that fat cop from dead rising?
  • sdmitch16 - July 14, 2009 4:39 a.m.

    Uranus in an angelic woman in that game.
  • TheHumbleSlave - July 9, 2009 11:52 p.m.

    I don't think Shahdee looks bad at all. I'm not saying that she is all too beautiful, but she looks okay.+
  • doomdoomdoom - July 9, 2009 10:14 p.m.

    My eye's are bleeding and my ears are screaming AT LEAST BLUR THE FACES!!!!!
  • kryptkeeper666 - July 9, 2009 8:11 a.m.

    maybe its just cuz ima fucked up goth kid... but i dont mind the PoP chick... Shes a royal pain to fight though..

Showing 1-15 of 15 comments

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