The Top 7... Unsexy Femme Fatales

Videogame vixens gone terribly, terribly wrong

Words: on August 29, 2007

What makes a game successful? Graphics? Story? Gameplay? Don't be silly. All a game really needs are the two magic ingredients - blood and boobs.

Knowing this, developers will cram as much sex and violence into their products as possible. They always get the latter right. Forgive our stereotype, but since these teams usually consist of a bunch of geeky dudes, they tend to understand the guts and gore part. For the exact same reason, however, their attempts at creating beautiful and sexy women can be embarrassingly clumsy.

The seven pixelated ladies in our countdown were clearly designed to arouse and allure, to attain a pinnacle of hotness that would tempt any boy or man into forking over his hard-earned cash. But somewhere along the way, something went horribly wrong. What should have been sirens, vixens, seducers and heartbreakers... ended up monsters.



"The Fug Fatale"

Who is she? Shahdee. When she's not commanding an army of bloodthirsty sand demons, hijacking pirate ships or hunting Middle Eastern royalty through the far reaches of time, Shahdee enjoys long walks on the beach.

Where's she from? Prince of Persia: Warrior Within (2004 - Multi-Platform)

What the hell is wrong with her? From the neck down, Shahdee is a statuesque picture of female perfection. From the neck up, unfortunately, she looks more like a 13 year-old boy at a Marilyn Manson concert. The badly smeared eyeliner, the butch haircut and the petulant frown all scream, "Get out of my room, Mom! God I hate you!"

If Shahdee is ever resurrected for a sequel, we'd suggest spending less time on the meticulous placement of tiny leather strips over her crotch and more time on making sure she doesn't resemble a drowned teenage corpse.

Meet Shahdee in the video below.


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Platforms:

Xbox 360, PS3, PS2, Wii, PC, PSP, DS, Xbox

Topics:

Top 7

15 Comments
Order Comments: Newest First | Oldest First
  • edw0027

    edw0027  - 2 years, 4 months ago  - Report

    the first one isnt that bad in the beginning of the video. and you could always put a bag over her head
  • SteelStreet

    SteelStreet  - 2 years, 4 months ago  - Report

    The funniest thing was when he tried to run away in the nomad soul.
  • thochaos

    thochaos  - 3 years, 3 months ago  - Report

    Holy shit, I'd forgotten how awesome I thought battle Arena Toshinden 1 & 2 were back in the Playstations' early days.

    Oh, good article too.
  • skyguy343

    skyguy343  - 3 years, 3 months ago  - Report

    slutty AND bitchy!?! HOT DAMN I'LL TAKE FOUR!!
  • mozaralio

    mozaralio  - 3 years, 3 months ago  - Report

    w00t 2nd comment hmm ok well I agree all those characters were unsexy idk about you but some of the ermm prostitutes? in saints row one were pretty unsexy then again I odnt know if they were supposed to be any way nice article
  • GGsBeat

    GGsBeat  - 3 years, 3 months ago  - Report

    wow i did not know most of these so called "vixens" existed oh and uhm first i think
  • uz_mike222

    uz_mike222  - 2 years, 6 months ago  - Report

    @geosteiner she's in a different Top 7 article dude but nice read
  • zombie95

    zombie95  - 2 years, 7 months ago  - Report

    dood i know a chic named ashley, shez a cheerleader and she acts like a slut and she iz a bitch sumtimez and she is really hot(big titz 2) and she live like 5 minz away from me(walking). Also there is this other girl she isnt hot but she iz cute, she live close 2 but she has medium sized titz. lolz
  • AnonymouZ

    AnonymouZ  - 2 years, 7 months ago  - Report

    who the hell minds thongs anyway? And... like a comment above, hadn't even heard of most of these ladies. Still a pretty entertaining read x)
  • AA95mp

    AA95mp  - 3 years ago  - Report

    @skyguy343:your not the only one
  • geosteiner5

    geosteiner5  - 2 years, 7 months ago  - Report

    where the hell is that fat cop from dead rising?
  • sdmitch16

    sdmitch16  - 2 years, 7 months ago  - Report

    Uranus in an angelic woman in that game.
  • TheHumbleSlave

    TheHumbleSlave  - 2 years, 7 months ago  - Report

    I don't think Shahdee looks bad at all. I'm not saying that she is all too beautiful, but she looks okay.+
  • doomdoomdoom

    doomdoomdoom  - 2 years, 7 months ago  - Report

    My eye's are bleeding and my ears are screaming

    AT LEAST BLUR THE FACES!!!!!
  • kryptkeeper666

    kryptkeeper666  - 2 years, 7 months ago  - Report

    maybe its just cuz ima fucked up goth kid... but i dont mind the PoP chick... Shes a royal pain to fight though..
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