2. The Top 7… Girl-on-girl kisses
Do you ever worry about what will be written on your tombstone after you’re gone? Because if mine turns out to say “Remembered for writing a creepy Internet article about lesbian kisses,” I’m going to kill myself. Presumably for a second time.
Embarrassing though it might be, The Top 7… Girl-on-girl kisses is nonetheless one of the most important articles I – and by extension, we – have ever written. Not only did it go on to outperform nearly every other article we posted in our first year (racking up hundreds of thousands of pageviews in its first few weeks alone), but it simultaneously helped establish our anything-goes editorial tone and became emblematic of early GamesRadar and its somewhat shameless, tit-focused mentality.
Above: Justin’s Top 7 might have gotten the best magazine ad, but mine proudly advertises weekly features we never did and will never do. Also I'm pretty sure that's a picture of a dude making out with Lemmy from Motorhead
I was a little worried when the assignment was handed to me, but the intention was never to make a drooling, babes-for-bros piece of shit. This would be proof that we could be smart and funny even when we were clearly pandering to internet horndogs. So I did my best to keep the article objectively sarcastic and silly, downplaying the sexiness in exchange for a sort of cynically detached enthusiasm (although my attempts at identifying hotness were still awkward enough that future Future co-worker Greg Orlando compared me to Norman Bates).
Above: It also boasted one of our earliest custom videos, which eventually got censored because the cartoon nipples freaked out an advertiser
That maybe didn’t stop most of the article’s readers from being driven to it by their boners, but I’m still proud to have produced one of GR’s most iconic articles. Proud enough to tell my parents about it, at least.
Above: My mom has seen this, and yet I feel no shame
1. The Top 7… Top 7s
Back on page one, when we started this retrospective, we had no idea how significant it would eventually become. On the surface, doing a Top 7 list of previous Top 7s seemed like an incredibly lazy, half-assed gesture along the lines of a sitcom doing a clip show. We even self-deprecatingly made fun of that fact. But in the minutes that followed, it became clear that we had something big on our hands. Something important.
What began as a simple way to celebrate our five-year anniversary quickly took on a life of its own, spurring our editors to bash out long-winded, self-indulgent diatribes about articles they wrote years ago and how great they were. Of course, the article’s lasting appeal came from the fact that it boiled down the best of nearly five years of list articles into one small, digestible package, thereby providing an invaluable service to our most forgiving readers. In the minutes since it was posted, The Top 7… Top 7s has come to stand as the definitive Top 7, and will doubtless continue to do so well into the foreseeable future.
Above: Fans with sharp eyes and long memories will no doubt remember this entry. Oh, that Charlie!
It was, in short, the single greatest Top 7 we’ve ever done. What are you waiting for? Read it now!
Mar 14, 2011
7. The Top 7… sexy horses every stud should ride
Have a roll in the hay with the hottest mares in gaming
6. The Top 7... inanimate objects
They're nothing without you
5. The Top 7… hated habits of the mainstream media
See how videogames turn respectable journalists into raving lunatics
4. The Top 7... Little heroes in big worlds
Honey, we shrunk the protagonist
3. The Top 7... stupid plans for world conquest
When brilliant tactical masterminds aren't
2. The Top 7... Winter wonderlands
Embrace the unforgiving cold of gaming's greatest snow levels
1. The Top 7... Nudity You Didn't Notice
Look closer - gaming is even naughtier than you think