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The Top 7... Top 7s

2. The Top 7… Girl-on-girl kisses

Do you ever worry about what will be written on your tombstone after you’re gone? Because if mine turns out to say “Remembered for writing a creepy Internet article about lesbian kisses,” I’m going to kill myself. Presumably for a second time.

Embarrassing though it might be, The Top 7… Girl-on-girl kisses is nonetheless one of the most important articles I – and by extension, we – have ever written. Not only did it go on to outperform nearly every other article we posted in our first year (racking up hundreds of thousands of pageviews in its first few weeks alone), but it simultaneously helped establish our anything-goes editorial tone and became emblematic of early GamesRadar and its somewhat shameless, tit-focused mentality.


Above: Justin’s Top 7 might have gotten the best magazine ad, but mine proudly advertises weekly features we never did and will never do. Also I'm pretty sure that's a picture of a dude making out with Lemmy from Motorhead 

I was a little worried when the assignment was handed to me, but the intention was never to make a drooling, babes-for-bros piece of shit. This would be proof that we could be smart and funny even when we were clearly pandering to internet horndogs. So I did my best to keep the article objectively sarcastic and silly, downplaying the sexiness in exchange for a sort of cynically detached enthusiasm (although my attempts at identifying hotness were still awkward enough that future Future co-worker Greg Orlando compared me to Norman Bates).


 
Above: It also boasted one of our earliest custom videos, which eventually got censored because the cartoon nipples freaked out an advertiser

That maybe didn’t stop most of the article’s readers from being driven to it by their boners, but I’m still proud to have produced one of GR’s most iconic articles. Proud enough to tell my parents about it, at least.


Above: My mom has seen this, and yet I feel no shame 


1. The Top 7… Top 7s

Back on page one, when we started this retrospective, we had no idea how significant it would eventually become. On the surface, doing a Top 7 list of previous Top 7s seemed like an incredibly lazy, half-assed gesture along the lines of a sitcom doing a clip show. We even self-deprecatingly made fun of that fact. But in the minutes that followed, it became clear that we had something big on our hands. Something important.

What began as a simple way to celebrate our five-year anniversary quickly took on a life of its own, spurring our editors to bash out long-winded, self-indulgent diatribes about articles they wrote years ago and how great they were. Of course, the article’s lasting appeal came from the fact that it boiled down the best of nearly five years of list articles into one small, digestible package, thereby providing an invaluable service to our most forgiving readers. In the minutes since it was posted, The Top 7… Top 7s has come to stand as the definitive Top 7, and will doubtless continue to do so well into the foreseeable future.


Above: Fans with sharp eyes and long memories will no doubt remember this entry. Oh, that Charlie! 

It was, in short, the single greatest Top 7 we’ve ever done. What are you waiting for? Read it now! 

Mar 14, 2011

7. The Top 7… sexy horses every stud should ride
Have a roll in the hay with the hottest mares in gaming

 


6. The Top 7... inanimate objects
They're nothing without you

 


5. The Top 7… hated habits of the mainstream media
See how videogames turn respectable journalists into raving lunatics

 


4. The Top 7... Little heroes in big worlds
Honey, we shrunk the protagonist

 


3. The Top 7... stupid plans for world conquest
When brilliant tactical masterminds aren't

 


2. The Top 7... Winter wonderlands
Embrace the unforgiving cold of gaming's greatest snow levels

 


1. The Top 7... Nudity You Didn't Notice
Look closer - gaming is even naughtier than you think

126 comments

  • Fiirestorm21 - March 19, 2011 7:09 p.m.

    That last one was good for a chuckle. And a bit of a mind screw.
  • zigs - March 19, 2011 1:22 p.m.

    Phenomenal. Loved reading this, laughed a lot at the end.
  • Mateus7 - March 19, 2011 12:18 a.m.

    Great article, didn't see the Top 1 coming :P you guys are so clever!
  • rxb - March 18, 2011 2:13 a.m.

    Agree with all the other comments..... The link back to the start was the perfect finishing touch. Happy 5th Birthday
  • super0sonic - March 17, 2011 10:43 p.m.

    Oh wow i was not expecting 1) and then i ended up in a feed back loop. Reading it over and over forever.
  • ashleymenvielle - March 17, 2011 8:38 p.m.

    Happy 5th Birthday GamesRadar!! I have a very soft spot in my heart for the Top 7s, so this list made me squee like a little school girl when I saw it listed. It was actually one of Charlie Barrett's top 7s that got me into the site, the top 7 lazy character cliches to be exact. I enjoyed that article so much I had to read more and more top 7s and started reading the news articles after that, eventually stumbling onto the gem that is the weekly podcast, TalkRadar, as well. Now I check the site nearly everyday and listen to every TDar:). You all are amazing, keep doing what you're doing and you'll always have a faithful listener in this fan. Congrats!
  • FantasticMrStarFox - March 17, 2011 1:47 p.m.

    I was looking through old PTOM magazines earlier this year and I saw your ad for top 7 bad guys you didnt want to kill.
  • WickedSid - March 16, 2011 10:11 p.m.

    Girl on Girl Kisses and Cheat Planet... Ads which blew and continue to blow my mind... Amazing editors... Etc... Ass kissing... etc... Greatness hath been thrust upon thou soul!
  • Soxboii - March 16, 2011 5:39 p.m.

    I came to this site back when it was only CheatPlanet all those years ago. I saw it transform into GamesRadar with its shitty layout. I watched it mature into the GamesRadar we see here today. I've been here since the start and I can't thank you guys enough for what you do.
  • Jimmyjammy - March 16, 2011 4:20 p.m.

    @Druupwnz I remember cheat planet, used to go down to the library to read it at about age 10. Ha memories :). S'how I found this site.
  • Japanaman - March 16, 2011 4:19 p.m.

    That "Play It Loud" commercial was totally radical, dude!
  • Jimmyjammy - March 16, 2011 4:10 p.m.

    I'm sorry but putting the whole list as number 1 is pretty lame.
  • camelfro - March 16, 2011 1:19 p.m.

    number juan made me laugh a lot taking the pictures just used hahaha great article guys!
  • Spybreak8 - March 16, 2011 8:22 a.m.

    Yeah those GamesRadar ads in OXM got me into this site and later into TalkRadarrrrrrrrrr! Funny I have no magazine subscriptions now (had like around 3 before).
  • Syncmaster - March 16, 2011 1:33 a.m.

    great job guys! I just love your top 7s and lists because they are pretty much unusual stuff. that makes you stand apart from most sites out there, keep on rocking
  • Limbo - March 16, 2011 12:40 a.m.

    Loving how you put pictures of the article IN the article. Cuz that was so necessary right? (;
  • mijetman - March 15, 2011 11:51 p.m.

    Help! I'm stuck in a top 7 loop and I can get out. I'm scared, cold and lonely :'-(
  • Yeager1122 - March 15, 2011 11:17 p.m.

    I love top seven's evrytime i see a new one i get excited to read it.
  • D0CCON - March 15, 2011 10:30 p.m.

    I love how there's a link to bring you back to the page you just read. Love it! PS: Will we be getting a Homefront review soon?
  • OneEyedGoon - March 15, 2011 10:23 p.m.

    You guys are all so amazing. The #1 entry is amazing. Congrats on five years. I've loved every one of 'em.

Showing 1-20 of 126 comments

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