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The Top 7... things gamers love to hate

2. Casual games/motion control

Here’s a tip: f*ck off and die. That should pretty much sum up how the hardcore community feel about their uninformed, Wiimote-waving neighbours. Put simply, they’ve got no business invading our cherished hobby. Well, that’s the argument any self-respecting gamer worth their 50, 000 GamerScore says. Whether they’ve got good intentions or not, they’re interfering in our beloved industry, and ruining it as a consequence.


Above: They've got it coming

But they’re bringing much needed money into the games market, which can subsequently be used by publishers to invest in bolder, thought provoking fare. Pah! What a stupid argument. Just the sort of mindless crap we’d expect a non gamer to spout. They might not be actively threatening our pastime just now. But give these bastards and inch and suddenly there’ll be a government law enforced by pepper spray, forcing us all to play Wii Imagine Baby Racquetball for 35 hours a week.


Above: Better keep on gaming, gran


1. Uwe Boll movies

He’s evil we tells ya! Evil! Seriously, listen to average Joe Gamer on the street and they’ll say poor old Uwe ranks somewhere between Hitler and that dude who smokes in the X Files as the most evil man in the history of things. It doesn’t matter if we’ve seen any of his movies. There’s no need to waste time watching them and forming an opinion for ourselves. The whole of the internet says he and his films are shit. Go against that collective logic and angry gamers with film degrees will hunt us down, force us to watch Citizen Kane, make us write an essay about it, then shoot us dead.


Above: Boll keeps good company

Just look at the interactive works of art he’s mangled beyond recognition. The House of the Dead. Far Cry. Postal! The calibre of these games’ narratives deserve movie adaptations penned by David Mamet and directed by Marty Scorsese. And just look at the actors’ careers he’s forever sullied by employing them in his vapid trash. Michael Madsen’s career may never be the same again. But for God’s sake, don’t whisper a syllable of discontent towards the hulking German artisan. We hear he’s a bit handy with his fists.


Above: You might think his films are shit, but do you have the guts to put your uppercuts where your mouth is?

Mar 22, 2010


Beloved games we hate
You love ‘em? We don’t

 

100 reasons fanboys hate casual games
Our bilious video bashes the most despicable of all genres

 

100 reasons fanboys hate RPGs
VIDEO: We draw our +6 Vorpal Blade of Indignation

Topics

Top 7

83 comments

  • allthegoodnameswheretaken - March 22, 2010 4:50 p.m.

    This will translate nicely to audio =)
  • chrisat928 - March 22, 2010 4:51 p.m.

    YAY!!! Week of Hate is back! Uwe Boll sucks ass.
  • Ensoul - March 22, 2010 4:54 p.m.

    That screen grab doesn't look like the N64 Goldeneye?! WTF?! Make a reference to a game and not even use the appropriate screen grab?! Hate it when so called "professional" game sites pull this sh*t. (Seriously though why does GE look so good there?)
  • miltch - March 22, 2010 4:54 p.m.

    Nice work all.But it leaves me with one question,is there really a game called Big Boobed Extreme Sports Racer?
  • dtzulu - March 22, 2010 4:57 p.m.

    GoldenEye STILL rocks!!
  • CatrParrot - March 22, 2010 5:01 p.m.

    I assumed that non-gamers would've been number one on the list. Still, it's great to see that the Week of Hate is back!
  • CH3BURASHKA - March 22, 2010 5:34 p.m.

    Ah, yes, Week o' Hate is back. It's been too long.
  • goochbiscuit - March 22, 2010 5:35 p.m.

    Whoa, whoa... Where'd that Goldeneye pick come from? The game never looked THAT good, so is there some type of remake happening like Perfect Dark that I don't know about?
  • Yaro - March 22, 2010 5:37 p.m.

    My kind of article. Had some laughs. What is kinda sad, is the fact that there NEEDS to be a sarcasm warning, and as if that wasn't enough lotta people won't get it anyway. Do not let that EVER discourage you guys from writing this stuff. This is exactly what makes you the best site on the 'netz. But I'm sure you know that very well. Thanks! recaptcha: The fascismo
  • Unoriginal - March 22, 2010 6 p.m.

    I f***ing hate the article. It is obviously biased toward Sony. Also, 3 PAGES!? Get a life GR.
  • J0NO99 - March 22, 2010 6:07 p.m.

    Unoriginal! You did it! You're in the perfect spirit for the Week of Hate! Psssh. Another hilarious piece by you guys in the UK. BTW, in the Motion Control picture.....is Mr. "I'll kill you all!" holding an N64 controller? Man that definitely brings back memories.
  • gamingfreak - March 22, 2010 6:09 p.m.

    Woot-woot! Week of Hate is back!
  • Ru89 - March 22, 2010 6:27 p.m.

    The week you love to hate is back! I love it!
  • Corsair89 - March 22, 2010 7:01 p.m.

    Yes! Week of Hate is back!
  • Amnesiac - March 22, 2010 7:02 p.m.

    I add my voice to those cheering for a new Week of Hate. Haters gonna hate, baby.
  • RebornKusabi - March 22, 2010 7:08 p.m.

    My Kayako Saeki pic agrees, give me MORE!!!
  • Vitoruss1 - March 22, 2010 7:23 p.m.

    Grammar Nazi Strike: You spelled "their" wrong in the subsection of 'non-gamers'. That pic from Goldeneye looked beautiful... brought a tear to my eye. Was that the Half-Life Goldeneye Mod or is it a work-in-progress? WE ALL NEED MORE GOLDENEYE.
  • CaptainSpatula - March 22, 2010 7:24 p.m.

    um, King Kong was a good movie tie in.
  • KnightDehumidifier - March 22, 2010 7:26 p.m.

    Here is a number of other things gamers love to hate: Politics, religion, social lives based around person-to-person interaction, sanitation, health, politeness, engaging conversations beyond fictional happenstances, relationships that interrupt their lives, children, elderly, paying for rent or taxes (just kidding, all gamers live with their parents), charity, thinking about others, and life.
  • michaelmcc827 - March 22, 2010 7:37 p.m.

    WEEK OF HATE YEEAAAAHH

Showing 1-20 of 83 comments

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