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The Top 7... things gamers love to hate

2. Casual games/motion control

Here’s a tip: f*ck off and die. That should pretty much sum up how the hardcore community feel about their uninformed, Wiimote-waving neighbours. Put simply, they’ve got no business invading our cherished hobby. Well, that’s the argument any self-respecting gamer worth their 50, 000 GamerScore says. Whether they’ve got good intentions or not, they’re interfering in our beloved industry, and ruining it as a consequence.


Above: They've got it coming

But they’re bringing much needed money into the games market, which can subsequently be used by publishers to invest in bolder, thought provoking fare. Pah! What a stupid argument. Just the sort of mindless crap we’d expect a non gamer to spout. They might not be actively threatening our pastime just now. But give these bastards and inch and suddenly there’ll be a government law enforced by pepper spray, forcing us all to play Wii Imagine Baby Racquetball for 35 hours a week.


Above: Better keep on gaming, gran


1. Uwe Boll movies

He’s evil we tells ya! Evil! Seriously, listen to average Joe Gamer on the street and they’ll say poor old Uwe ranks somewhere between Hitler and that dude who smokes in the X Files as the most evil man in the history of things. It doesn’t matter if we’ve seen any of his movies. There’s no need to waste time watching them and forming an opinion for ourselves. The whole of the internet says he and his films are shit. Go against that collective logic and angry gamers with film degrees will hunt us down, force us to watch Citizen Kane, make us write an essay about it, then shoot us dead.


Above: Boll keeps good company

Just look at the interactive works of art he’s mangled beyond recognition. The House of the Dead. Far Cry. Postal! The calibre of these games’ narratives deserve movie adaptations penned by David Mamet and directed by Marty Scorsese. And just look at the actors’ careers he’s forever sullied by employing them in his vapid trash. Michael Madsen’s career may never be the same again. But for God’s sake, don’t whisper a syllable of discontent towards the hulking German artisan. We hear he’s a bit handy with his fists.


Above: You might think his films are shit, but do you have the guts to put your uppercuts where your mouth is?

Mar 22, 2010


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Topics

Top 7

83 comments

  • Strangleme - March 29, 2010 3:22 a.m.

    Amazing Top 7!!! Fuck non gamers!!!
  • DriveShaft - March 28, 2010 8:21 p.m.

    Weyland-Yutani, I was just watching Alien O.o
  • AVenGer777 - March 27, 2010 12:56 a.m.

    yea xbox suck's and GamesRadar is the best
  • AVenGer777 - March 27, 2010 12:55 a.m.

    yea xbox suck's and GamesRadar is the best
  • Alain - March 26, 2010 1:51 p.m.

    I agree with number 5 and im pretty sure alout of ous do.
  • Strangleme - March 26, 2010 10:37 a.m.

    I can't wait to hear them discuss this on Talkradar.
  • SailorCallie - March 25, 2010 10:35 p.m.

    I have one word to describe Uwe Boil: DUMBKOFF!!!!
  • FinderKeeper - March 24, 2010 3:20 a.m.

    The article mentioned Okami, but not God Hand. So, I hate it. I might even waterboard it. Or take it hunting and shoot it in the face. Viva (Week of) Hate!
  • thephntm - March 24, 2010 1:25 a.m.

    It depends on the game the motion control is in. Zack and Wiki was phenomenal, and it was mostly motion control. I agree about the casual game thing, though. That and flying war games. But my #1 gamer hate has to be when non-gamers think they know what they're talking about. My cousin almost bought Tony Hawk: RIDE, but then I told him it blows, and he still almost bought it anyway.
  • Tochy - March 23, 2010 11:41 p.m.

    wheres mw2
  • Metroidhunter32 - March 23, 2010 10:34 p.m.

    Just to piss you off, the movie game Sky Crawlers Innocent Aces got a 9 from YOU. So I'd say that was a good movie tie in, even if the connection to the movie is token, and outisde of Japan, it's an obscure movie.
  • GodofPS314 - March 23, 2010 10:11 p.m.

    Uwe Boll's next movie... Wii Sports: The Tournament. LOL. Oh btw a bit hypocrite? We all know IW paid you for the 10 on MW2.
  • JamesTQuest - March 23, 2010 8:25 p.m.

    Now THIS is an article I can get behind. Well played.
  • fattoler - March 23, 2010 7:47 p.m.

    Uwe Boll is the enemy, Uwe Boll was always the enemy.
  • d0x - March 23, 2010 7:22 p.m.

    While its true Goldeneye was probably the 1st good tie in game there is another... Both the original and remake of The Chronicles of Riddick are amazing!
  • Nocturne989 - March 23, 2010 7:09 p.m.

    WEEK OF HATE!!! nuff said
  • ScorpioMaurus - March 23, 2010 4:19 p.m.

    I gotta say my top things would have to be non-gamers because they constantly talk to you while you're focusing (or trying too for god's sake) And trying to explain something in the game is like trying to sink a helium balloon under water. But my number one hated thing is EA games because they take some of the greatest games and ruin them by giving us a faulty product and then no proper customer support. I bought Dragon age when it was new only to find out about the serious memory leak issue with certain Quads. Now here I am almost 5 months later updated with all the patches they released and still no fix I have to shut it down about every hour or so so get decent performance. I hate game companies in general who release faulty games riddled with bugs. How could a company like EA arguably one of the biggest in the world not have tested that game on an AMD Quad? Seriously? It's interesting that companies like Capcom can put out games so flawless that they never need to be patched but a much bigger company like EA can't be bothered to make certain the customers get a $60 product they can use. Our family experienced that with Sims 2 as well the expansion FreeTime had some minor glitches that when "fixed" made the game unable to load and it had a grand total of 3 patches before it started working, Sad. And since it's release in Sept of 2005 Sims 2 Nightlife EP still has a huge error where Vampire's fangs glow blue and float over their heads. In order to fix it you need to download a CC from Cyjon. Correct me if I'm wrong but wasn't that the company's responsibility?
  • PhantomDave - March 23, 2010 3:59 p.m.

    I believe....in all honesty...that Uwe Boll is a casual non-gamer. LOL
  • rxb - March 23, 2010 1:43 p.m.

    The Postal movie is kinda funny. Rip off DLC isnt.
  • swishpronoob - March 23, 2010 1:26 p.m.

    I actually thought one of his movies was ok, a movie called Tunnel Rats. It might still be on netflix instant watch for those curious.

Showing 1-20 of 83 comments

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