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The Top 7... Naked flesh we didn't want to see



Flashing you in: The Soul Calibur series

C’mon, cover up, man. We accept Voldo comes from a simpler time. But really, how hard is it to buy a pair of 16th century pantaloons? We can just about deal with the codpiece - with the aid of heavy squinting. But it's his butt-hugging bodice that really makes our delicate eyes wince. Although, in a beat ‘em up full of fighters sporting liquorice-thin thongs, his costume makes as much sense as a diversionary tactic as any other outfit…







Don’t worry, you’re not the only ones who’ve got lost in the valley of the Voldo cheeks.

We’re hard pressed to believe his chosen flesh-flaunting attire has anything to do with fighting tactics, though. This guy is a clear sadist. And he wants to inflict as much pain on everyone he meets by slithering into a variety of positions designed intentionally to show off his crotch and disturbingly taught ass. Ah well, at least it segues nicely into a Simpsons’ joke.



Above: Stupid sexy Voldo

Ivy’s chest is ridiculous and we’re not crazy about Astaroth’s outfit, but Voldo’s bondage butt of doom is simply too much for the human ocular cavity to stand.

Flashing you in: Hitman: Contracts

Campbell Sturrock is Hitman’s answer to Fat Bastard. Obese, slovenly and Scottish, the self-entitled Meat King is truly a grotesque sight to behold. While Mike Myers' hulking Glaswegian may have scarred a generation of filmgoers with his grease-coated man nipples the size of watermelons, he at least had the decency to wear a kilt… occasionally.

Not so with this disgusting criminal. In a game saturated with brutal strangling, remorseless executions and sinister stabbings, nothing leaves such a disturbing imprint on the inside of your eyeballs as this butcher’s sagging man boobs. Thankfully, you can put a stop to their incessant wobbling by offing the hefty Highlander with one of 47’s most inventive kills. That’s right, death by roast chicken. Well, the gun concealed inside it might have done more damage than the poultry breast.



Above: Battle of the man boobs

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Top 7

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