The human form really is a beautiful thing – provided you spend 6 hours daily in the gym and exist solely on Ryvita. If not, it’s something to be covered up, ashamed of and never discussed. Sadly, many developers have no such qualms with nude, fleshy parts. They see games as the perfect forum to roll out a bit of man boob action and unappealing, exposed ass flesh.
Got a strong stomach? The following collection of bloated bellies, nauseating nipples and gaming’s first exposed peep will surely challenge it. No one asked for it. And no one sure as hell wanted it. But, since we’ve had to suffer these naked nightmares in the making of this article, its time for the rest of you to share our pain.
Flashing you in: Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty
Kojima hated us all back in 2001. Fact. Replacing one of the most beloved leads in games with an effeminate Back Street Boy wannabe was a thematic misstep. Forcing MGS fans to control said boy band wannabe in his birthday suit as he cradled his privates - thanks to the floppy haired one being captured, stripped and tortured – a disaster. After all, nothing screams masculinity and ‘I’m ready to save the world from an armada of nuclear robots’ like cupping your plums while cowering from guards.
Clearly, Kojima had seen the folly in the enforced man flesh segment by the sequel, though, playfully poking fun at Raiden through the Major Raikov character and a lighting bolt-clad thong. Still, the sight of the hero's clenched cheeks remains the enduring image from a game filled with brilliant boss battles, benchmark-setting cutscenes and ace setpieces. And it also inspired this sort of fan art…
Flashing you in: Left 4 Dead
Aside from someone screaming out ‘Witch!’ or ‘Tank!’ there’s nothing we hate hearing more than ‘Boomer!’ in a frantic match of our favourite zombie game. If the appearance of the big-boned undead man is disconcerting – his vomit blinds you for thirty seconds at a time – then seeing his tumour-ridden, bloated belly is stomach-churning.
The detail Valve have injected into his stuffed corpse is truly terrifying. Lesions and cracked, vein-strewn skin make his naked gut a triumph of texturing as well as a sin against nature. The only joy from having such a rotund, rotting figure is the joy we get from turning zombie cellulite and boils into an exploding Piñata of guts and blood. All thanks to Mr. 12 Gauge. Still, any chance of releasing woolly jumper DLC for the Boomer soon, Valve? We’ll gladly pay for it.