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The Top 7... Most insane things videogames have been blamed for

2. Ron Jeremy accuses games of corrupting impressionable minds

Ron Jeremy, a mustachioed sphere which somehow became famous as an "ugly man who has a big penis in spite of his looks," attended the Consumer Electronics Show last year. He was about as prepared for this as anyone in porn is for any career event (which is "not at all" and most likely the reason they're in porn). Faced with an anti-pornography activist during a debate he made several mistakes simultaneously.


Above: Ron Jeremy who, as you can see, is clearly against video games 

The first was responding. Come on, guy: she hates porn, and you're Ron Jeremy. You're not going to change her mind or exchange meaningful views (especially since the only view you can offer is of your ridiculous genitals). The second flub was turning it into a fight. The pornographers' motto is "Make Love, Not Any Other Job Skills." Somebody who turns up at crowded events and defines themselves as "Against That Thing Most People Like" is way readier to fight than you, and most soldiers.

The third was turning the fight against an innocent third party by saying that videogames targeted children while porn didn't, and doing that at CES was mistakes three through twenty-seven. Turning the crowd against you AND throwing an easier target under the bus instead of saying "Screw you, and I could do that professionally" demonstrates a serious lack of balls. And make no mistake: videogames are the easier target here. Porn is much more likely to be a closet hobby for the crusty old suits making most of our country’s decisions, and it’s a larger industry. The only reason porn companies don't print money directly is it takes too long and isn't phallic enough.


Above: Can porn and games eventually work together?


1. Pedophilia

Convicted (and, considering his subsequent jail time, unfortunately-named) pedophile Michael Cherry attempted to blame comics and videogames for crimes. His lawyer launched a bizarre defense trying to convince a judge that his client was simply too pathetic to be responsible for his crimes. Unfortunately for Cherry’s legal team, the only thing more pathetic than him was this defense.


Above: On the lighter side of molestation, here's YouTube favorite Sex Offender Shuffle

Congratulations, anti-videogame lunatics: You've actually made games such a scapegoat that even pedophiles now think games are the real bad guy. That's insane. The philosophy certainly didn't help Cherry, probably because it was the most ludicrous defense since the tin foil shield. Probably the only worse legal maneuver would have been putting the judge in a chokehold.

Protip: When your defense is “Yes I did own images of child pornography BUT…” then you already lost your case a long time ago.

Jan 24, 2011

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54 comments

  • Sjoeki - July 19, 2011 9:52 p.m.

    When Ron Jemery talks everyone should just shut up and listen! He's a goddamn legend! Also S.O.S. will never be the same for me
  • HA HA HADEN - February 1, 2011 10:38 a.m.

    "the knife is an absolutely terrible weapon." Not if you play COD.
  • OneNightInParez - January 29, 2011 11:46 a.m.

    "not on the fact that somebody had ruined those DVDs by putting Shrek 3 on them" its good to laugh.
  • soren7550 - January 28, 2011 7:37 p.m.

    This made me laugh quite a bit. People's stupidity somehow still amazes me. And was I the only one expecting to see the whole 'Sex-box' crap on the list?
  • shadlee04 - January 28, 2011 2:44 a.m.

    If you read the full story for the Nintendogs part, it says that the dog that bit off her lip was actually put down... Wow... And the whole 'she may have kicked him' thing was said AFTER the dog was put down...
  • waffman11 - January 27, 2011 12:15 a.m.

    Wait, the tin foil shield doesn't work? What else doesn't work? Covering your eyes so that the big scary thing in front of you disappears? Oh. Oh god, what have I based my life upon?
  • fatguy19 - January 26, 2011 10:09 p.m.

    I dont know what the girl at number three is complaining about, my dog savages and shouts at me all the time when im playing games bexause im not paying attention to him.
  • Hamm005 - January 26, 2011 11:20 a.m.

    Blaming HOMELESS-child knife crime on video games... no house, but a xbox/playstation and TV they have?
  • DeathbyFira - January 26, 2011 12:35 a.m.

    Omg this shows how desperate people will go thru to blame everything on media and eveything else but not on there own stupidty and Ron Jeremy is way beond a total douch bag stop trying to suck up on people and say this is what i do you dont like it sorry but though cookies
  • TheCloakandDagger - January 25, 2011 10:27 p.m.

    I bet all those mother fuckers drive cars too! Blame the car industry and Canada as well.
  • xumaximus - January 25, 2011 10:25 p.m.

    I only clicked on this story because of the hott girl on the cover......
  • 2cute2Bcruel - January 25, 2011 9:51 p.m.

    Funny article!
  • ViolentLee - January 25, 2011 9:12 p.m.

    Wow, Luke...read Seanbaby much? You seemed to have captured his voice. Liked this article a lot, though.
  • philrees - January 25, 2011 8:11 p.m.

    @teaguehipkiss Green said "If you want to have the best national side on a longer-term basis, you need to go into every household and throw away the PlayStation, Xbox and video games. Maybe in 15 years' time you'd have the best national side. It's a society thing. Look at countries who always seem to bring up world-class players, like Brazil and Argentina. If you look at the situations that they live in, it's football or nothing. We live in one of the leading countries in the world and we have choices"
  • teaguehipkiss - January 25, 2011 7:13 p.m.

    I thought Rob Green was saying that too many people from his generation were playing Video Games so there aren't as many great footballers as there could've been but apparently not.
  • SillyPigeon - January 25, 2011 5:33 p.m.

    What saddens me is that most of these came from the UK. I knew we were stupid but god damn
  • gilgamesh310 - January 25, 2011 4:26 p.m.

    Knives aren't always useless weapons in games. In Modern Warfare 1 and 2, Killzone 2 and Far Cry 2 they are great weapons and swiping an enemy leads to instant kills.
  • mahajinx - January 25, 2011 3:51 p.m.

    All this crap kinda reminds me of this story I've read several years ago, something about people of China suing Sharon Stone for 1 million $ (or was it even MORE??) just for saying that the earthquake they've had was a 'karmic retribution' for their maltreatment of the nature, or something like that. Sure, it was a tragedy, all the lives lost and all, but come on people, who gives a rat's ass what some actress says and believes?!? Cases like that and like the ones in this article go to show just how low some people are willing to stoop to either 1) make an easy buck, or 2) drop their own responsibility on someone else. Or 3) they're just simply bored in life, or plain stupid :). Also, I like how Ron's not only wearing Mario's clothes in that pic, but he also apparently starred in a Super Mario porn!! (just found about it on google). And then he goes so far as to blame video games for all the evils in this world?? Right. Some nerve... Anyway, great article as usual, GR! :D
  • Nap1400 - January 25, 2011 3:01 p.m.

    Blaming Nintendogs for a dog attack?! A PORN STAR blaming video games for corrupting minds?! BLAMING VIDEO GAMES FOR TURNING INTO A PEDOPHILE?!?!?!?! I've heard of dumb things that people do, but these things top the charts.
  • rabidpotatochip - January 25, 2011 1:47 p.m.

    "The only reason porn companies don't print money directly is it takes too long and isn't phallic enough." I feel out of my chair laughing....

Showing 1-20 of 54 comments

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