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The Top 7... Most embarrassing live-action game scenes

 
This is embarrassing on multiple fronts. Firstly, Scottie Pippen performs the opening song. Boy, that must have been exciting for him… bet he doesn’t regret that at all. Then there’s the cast of wacky characters who are introduced like Power Rangers. Oh I see, they all have different personalities, and thus different playing styles! I bet those actors went on to play lots of great roles that ended in numbers (Hey, “Assistant #1” is better than “Assistant #2!”). And finally, there’s the naïve “street” setting which looks like the set of a Broadway musical.

Breakdown of Embarrassment
0:21 – Welcome to Slam City, aka a warehouse that we hired classically trained artists to graffiti.
0:56 – EYAAARAA! I hate this basketball! I’m gonna squint at you!
1:20 – Basketball players are not necessarily actors. Shaq was though. Shaq was awesome.



Yes, yet another Digital Pictures game. Sewer Shark is an on-rails FMV shooter which takes place in a network of sewers beneath Solar City, the island paradise of everyone’s dreams. The game was originally meant to be released on Hasbro’s NEMO, a VHS-based game console. Yeah, that was cancelled (wonder why). Like the rest of these, the game found its way to the awesome power of CD-ROMs.

It really doesn’t get more “early ‘90s” than this. Everything about it – from the font on the box to the face-palm-inducing acting – screams at you as if subtlety is the one-and-only deadly sin. The plot has about the depth of a Fruity Pebbles commercial: You’re a rookie “sewer jockey” on your way to Solar City with Ghost, a veteran sewer… guy who holds conversations by walking away from you and sporadically turning around and jumping in your face. You’re assisted by Falco, a female jockey who is looking for a hidden route to Solar City, and is later captured by the evil Commissioner. There’s also a robot. Just watch the opening:

Breakdown of embarrassment
0:43 – New York accents are hard.
1:30 – You better believe everything he says is going to be punctuated with a guitar riff!
3:24 – Introducing Catfish, the spawn of Morgan Freeman in Driving Miss Daisy, Kenneth from 30 Rock, and a robot from Doctor Who.

Fun Fact! Wikipedia erroneously credits the part of evil commissioner Stenchler to Jerry Seinfeld. Good thing we at GamesRadar have a rigorous fact checking policy, which involves not believing bullshit we read on the internet.


 

The Horde – Kirk Cameron stars in this FMV game, which was written by someone who saw a Monty Python sketch once and thought, “Hey, I could do that.”
Mad Dog McCree – You can still buy this classic lightgun game from Digital Leisure for the low price of $29.95. We’re so lucky.
Warhawk – The opening scene was going to be longer, but the actors had to get back to their community college acting classes.
Ground Zero Texas – Damn, videogames were so much more exciting back in the day.
Tomcat Alley – What’s that thing he picks up while he’s walking down the path… is that a tomcat? What is a tomcat, really? Oh, a male cat. Why’d they name a jet after that?

Apr 5, 2009


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The Top 7... Consoles that never were
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The Top 7... In-game in-jokes
Don't get these obvious references? Hide your shame with our handy list of the industry's best attempts to poke fun at itself

Topics

Top 7

60 comments

  • ScorpioMaurus - March 24, 2010 4:17 p.m.

    I find it hard to believe and a little sad that the opening sequence from Resident Evil PS1 didn't make it onto the list to me that's always been one of the worst.
  • TripleAD - May 17, 2009 6:39 a.m.

    7 and 4 made me wanna kill myself Anyway good article man
  • NottaFanboY - May 14, 2009 6:28 p.m.

    And now they don't put live action in games...Except command and conquer of course. Wonder why?
  • sprog - April 17, 2009 11:16 p.m.

    I too am surprised at the lack of RE intro movie. The fact that they kept Wesker's appearance the same all these years after that pose is a testament to Capcom's devotion.
  • planet5421 - April 15, 2009 6:40 p.m.

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  • CoD_22 - April 14, 2009 10:19 p.m.

    im posting this comment because of the recaptcha: Hated you
  • Cwf2008 - April 14, 2009 3:01 a.m.

    WTF?! NO!!! That C&C Video has been removed! Why Youtube why do you have to be so fucking gay?! reCAPTCHA: ambushes Russian
  • JHawk - April 13, 2009 11:37 p.m.

    I remember sitting around with my best friend playing Sewer Shark and Prizefighter and thinking to myself, "Self, is this the future of gaming because if it is you may want to take up sports."
  • thochaos - April 11, 2009 11:08 a.m.

    I'm also surprised by the lack of Resident Evil. I cannot believe I never noticed that chick take off her top in Night Trap before. Holy crap.
  • Baconator96 - April 11, 2009 2:26 a.m.

    damn! Why has the C&C video been removed due to TOS violation...WHY?!
  • MrPips - April 11, 2009 12:23 a.m.

    Lol, C&C just got owned by rights violations.
  • Geminiman82 - April 8, 2009 1:59 p.m.

    Oh Sewer Shark...how I loved playing you at Zappers all those years ago :) YEAH THAT'S RIGHT! I was a Zappers nerd. For those of you younglings who don't know what Zappers was...it was the game rental place that also has terminals to sit at and play the video games you could rent. You'd pay for your play time. I miss places like that.
  • sourpunch - April 8, 2009 6:18 a.m.

    My eyes, my eyes, my poor eyes, they died while watching these videos. Great top 7 though.
  • Brainspike367 - April 8, 2009 4:07 a.m.

    "Ahhh. Don't you love the smell of the sewers in the morning? They smell like VICTORY!!" God yes.
  • magicwalnuts0 - April 8, 2009 1:09 a.m.

    HAHAHAHA I remember the Seth one, I watched it like 5 times and I still laugh every time. The Wing Commander one despite being cool was also hilarious "those frothy targets, dead ahead". Too bad FMV's still look ridiculous today, although I can't help but love RA3's.
  • KillYouSD - April 8, 2009 12:09 a.m.

    ha ha i love total recall lol
  • StefanGrey - April 7, 2009 10:38 p.m.

    What no mention of the greatest game intro ever: Resident Evil 1 (PS1)?
  • Bassist94 - April 7, 2009 5:20 p.m.

    what a crap scottish accent lol
  • lawless77 - April 7, 2009 2:50 p.m.

    Holy crap! I actually owned all of these. FMV was the shit back in the day. Now it's just shit. I must admit though, I really liked Sewer Shark. But why does Mr. Ghost have to yell at me all the time? It really hurts my feelings.
  • Mumb00 - April 7, 2009 12:45 p.m.

    Another Digital Pictures gem was Crypt Killer. It had Vincent "Get off my TRAIN!" Schiavelli in it. One of the clips, not too long after the intro, when the female "love interest" is looking at your computer interface or whatever, says seductively, "I bet you can... turn it on!" WTF?!

Showing 1-20 of 60 comments

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