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The Top 7... Lamest party games

5) FUZION FRENZY 2

How you know it’s a “party”: Wait a second…

FUSION’S NOT SPELLED WITH A “Z”!

The lame reality: What could be more excruciating than the dumbed-down, sugar-rushed, toddler-targeted nonsense detailed in the two entries on the previous page? That’s easy – the opposite extreme. Say hello to Fuzion Frenzy 2, an Xbox 360-exclusive party game so anxious to avoid the “kiddie” label that every last element of the experience has been infused with edge and danger... or at least with some out-of-touch corporate boardroom’s definition of those words.

The setting is futuristic, of course, but no more original or inspired than a random episode of Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers. The characters – all four of them – are like an insecure high school clique, dressing up in as many silly gadgets and cyberpunk accessories as possible, hoping you’ll notice how cool they are. Even the manual descriptions are embarrassing: “Dub always wears headphones and is famous for listening to everything from bass-pumping mainstream to online underground podcasts.”

Then there’s the host.

Yeah. For all that older-demographic posing, however, Fuzion Frenzy 2 is just as stupidly simplistic as any other party game. While the activities may sound hardcore (Robot deathmatch! Anti-grav basketball! Outer space skydiving!), they all boil down to the usual button mashing. The only shock here is that the title has a “2” at the end.

Worst excuse for a minigame: Xtreme… ice sculpting?

60 seconds to ensure you’ll never ever play:

 


4) MUPPETS PARTY CRUISE

How you know it’s a “party”: Hmmm. Popping through portholes is pretty zany, but we’re not entirely convinced yet. To be honest, we’re a bit disappointed that Kermit is being pulled in just one direction.. opposite directions would be much wackier.

You know what’d be great? If the Muppets could somehow dress in the most obvious, one-note cruise-theme clothes imaginable. Then we would be absolutely certain of this game’s party credentials.

The lame reality: Muppets Party Cruise hurts our hearts. It’s not the worst party game on this list, but it is the one we find most unbearable to play. Nobody here really cares if Shrek and Nickelodeon characters are bastardized in the name of bite-sized family fun; watching that happen to some of our most cherished childhood icons, on the other hand, is gut-wrenching.

Why is Kermit playing shuffleboard? Why is Miss Piggy collecting circus balls on a unicycle? Why is Gonzo pushing Animal’s car to the gas station? Why is Fozzie Bear playing drums in a Jamaican rhythm competition? And, most importantly, why do we have to see their flimsy felt legs flailing about in each and every scene? They’re supposed to be puppets!

The gameplay is pretty awful, too, but we imagine that goes without saying.

Worst excuse for a minigame: Counting pigs at a party. You literally stand in the corner, watching as they eat cake, toss confetti and – through the magic of artificial intelligence – continuously bump into each other while trying to enter and exit the room.

60 seconds to ensure you’ll never ever play:

 

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72 comments

  • Jacob816 - October 12, 2009 3:12 p.m.

    None of these are as bad as my new party game, Tween Super Excitement Jam: Ultra Party Mega Box of Family Fun: Xpress Edition.
  • AaronTheGamingGeek - October 12, 2009 3:12 p.m.

    the wii just got owned. Fisrt.
  • CheeseFiend - October 12, 2009 3:15 p.m.

    Dear god, this is bad. At least the guy game had boobies. Apart from that then 17 year-old
  • CheeseFiend - October 12, 2009 3:17 p.m.

    Dear god, this is bad. At least The Guy Game had boobies. Apart from that then 17 year-old
  • CheeseFiend - October 12, 2009 3:18 p.m.

    Sorry I put that comment twice. Fail13 tull
  • Xplosive59 - October 12, 2009 3:26 p.m.

    how come most of these happened in the ps2 era
  • silvereye - October 12, 2009 3:47 p.m.

    I loved the monopoly party game, and I know it is the law that a 17 year old getting naked is technically child pornography but its not like she was 5 or something, and I think she did end up sueing the company for the game anyway. Im probably wrong, just my opinion.
  • WayByWind - October 12, 2009 3:47 p.m.

    ads before almost every video, but brilliant article nonetheless
  • CombatCat120 - October 12, 2009 3:55 p.m.

    the industry was full of licensed shit like this back then. the party genre has significantly dropped in numbers to only 2 consoles instead of all of them: the Wii n DS. Those were some dark days indeed.....
  • CatrParrot - October 12, 2009 4:31 p.m.

    The second I read the headline, I knew Game Party would be at the top of this list. Prediction: Game Party 3 will sell at least half a million copies in it's first week.
  • axis56 - October 12, 2009 4:46 p.m.

    completely agreed. theres only approximately ten titles that justify the wii ownership.
  • FlyinMX - October 12, 2009 5:10 p.m.

    'Warning: These are so annoying, so pointless and so unplayable that the maraca-shaking asshole couldn’t even make the cut." You mean me?
  • AA95mp - October 12, 2009 5:42 p.m.

    the girls flashing it in the guy game must be pretty desparate to get famous or just flash.
  • AA95mp - October 12, 2009 5:47 p.m.

    the amount of wii party games are scary and there's more!
  • DirkSteele1 - October 12, 2009 6:14 p.m.

    While reading pages 1 through 3, I was sitting there slightly puzzled as to the where abouts of a Wii game, only to break out in laughter on page 4. Great article.
  • Cyberninja - October 12, 2009 6:35 p.m.

    ill defend the wii and i sadly was given 2 crap games with my system but since i dont play party games i am safe and i just think all the gems are worth the system
  • Romination - October 12, 2009 6:36 p.m.

    i'm right there with dirksteele. i was highly confused and then saw that and it all made sense suddenly...
  • haford - October 12, 2009 6:37 p.m.

    I'm so ashamed to say it, but.... i have the monopoly game, :/ it is quite possibly the worst game ever.....
  • Corsair89 - October 12, 2009 7:11 p.m.

    *vomits*
  • mastersword369 - October 12, 2009 7:28 p.m.

    I kept my Wii when I bought my Xbox 360. Just wait for Galaxy 2 and the next Zelda game, nintendo fans.

Showing 1-20 of 72 comments

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