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The Top 7... Lamest party games

5) FUZION FRENZY 2

How you know it’s a “party”: Wait a second…

FUSION’S NOT SPELLED WITH A “Z”!

The lame reality: What could be more excruciating than the dumbed-down, sugar-rushed, toddler-targeted nonsense detailed in the two entries on the previous page? That’s easy – the opposite extreme. Say hello to Fuzion Frenzy 2, an Xbox 360-exclusive party game so anxious to avoid the “kiddie” label that every last element of the experience has been infused with edge and danger... or at least with some out-of-touch corporate boardroom’s definition of those words.

The setting is futuristic, of course, but no more original or inspired than a random episode of Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers. The characters – all four of them – are like an insecure high school clique, dressing up in as many silly gadgets and cyberpunk accessories as possible, hoping you’ll notice how cool they are. Even the manual descriptions are embarrassing: “Dub always wears headphones and is famous for listening to everything from bass-pumping mainstream to online underground podcasts.”

Then there’s the host.

Yeah. For all that older-demographic posing, however, Fuzion Frenzy 2 is just as stupidly simplistic as any other party game. While the activities may sound hardcore (Robot deathmatch! Anti-grav basketball! Outer space skydiving!), they all boil down to the usual button mashing. The only shock here is that the title has a “2” at the end.

Worst excuse for a minigame: Xtreme… ice sculpting?

60 seconds to ensure you’ll never ever play:

 


4) MUPPETS PARTY CRUISE

How you know it’s a “party”: Hmmm. Popping through portholes is pretty zany, but we’re not entirely convinced yet. To be honest, we’re a bit disappointed that Kermit is being pulled in just one direction.. opposite directions would be much wackier.

You know what’d be great? If the Muppets could somehow dress in the most obvious, one-note cruise-theme clothes imaginable. Then we would be absolutely certain of this game’s party credentials.

The lame reality: Muppets Party Cruise hurts our hearts. It’s not the worst party game on this list, but it is the one we find most unbearable to play. Nobody here really cares if Shrek and Nickelodeon characters are bastardized in the name of bite-sized family fun; watching that happen to some of our most cherished childhood icons, on the other hand, is gut-wrenching.

Why is Kermit playing shuffleboard? Why is Miss Piggy collecting circus balls on a unicycle? Why is Gonzo pushing Animal’s car to the gas station? Why is Fozzie Bear playing drums in a Jamaican rhythm competition? And, most importantly, why do we have to see their flimsy felt legs flailing about in each and every scene? They’re supposed to be puppets!

The gameplay is pretty awful, too, but we imagine that goes without saying.

Worst excuse for a minigame: Counting pigs at a party. You literally stand in the corner, watching as they eat cake, toss confetti and – through the magic of artificial intelligence – continuously bump into each other while trying to enter and exit the room.

60 seconds to ensure you’ll never ever play:

 

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