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The Top 7... impractical characters



2. Ivy (Soulcalibur)
Dreamcast | 1999

We're the last group of people to discourage sexed-up characters in games, but Ivy needs a serious reality check. Her chest is constantly growing, and her fighting attire has dwindled to the point of absurdity. Stilettos and string bikinis? With what must be only dental floss covering her ass? How does that thing even stay together?

Granted, the saying "if you've got it, flaunt it" has real-world application, especially if you're trying to hopelessly distract your opponent, but there's no way she could fight in that getup. Ivy's not alone of course, as there are many other impractically dressed fighter girls, but she's the worst. She's an attention whore, slowly taking it off while cosmetically enhancing herself in between competitions just so people will look. And look we do.

Ivy loses clothes in every sequel, yet gains a pound or two of pure boob. At this rate, there's an outside chance she'll still be clothed in part five, but by the sixth installment she'll be totally naked with assets that droop all the way down to her 12-inch heels. It's a strange day indeed when this is comparatively tame.

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6 comments

  • Cwf2008 - November 29, 2008 4:17 a.m.

    Im not sure that the B-52s were painted in camo but i know that in Vietnam the F-4 Phantoms were painted in jungle camo...altough i doubt that camo did much against North Vietnamese SAMs
  • tehbarbar - December 9, 2008 12:43 a.m.

    I'm glad that someone has taken the time to talk about Disgaea, but come on, the Prinnies are awesome. Wouldn't you want a servant that was basically a penguin that you could throw at other people and they'd blow up on contact? That sounds quite practical to me, haha.
  • SirBonkers - November 18, 2008 9:17 p.m.

    Funny article. By the way, I hate to tell you, but B-52s along with many other USAF fighter aircraft were painted with modified forest or jungle camo through the first gulf war. I'm just saying.......
  • richomak27 - September 8, 2008 5:18 p.m.

    alpharmed looks quite cool camo pants or not
  • Arehexes - January 21, 2009 3:20 p.m.

    I had to make a account to post on this one. F' YEAH PRINNIES haha. I love those buggers, one prinny took out almost the whole room when I threw it.
  • vdaymassacre - March 14, 2009 6:24 a.m.

    I never liked those animals in Tekken... but hey what the hell.

Showing 1-6 of 6 comments

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