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The Top 7... impractical characters

6. Wakka (Final Fantasy X)
PS2 | 2001

Let's see how our world-saving posse is shaping up: a swordsman, a living legend, a sorceress, a master thief and a jock who throws volleyballs at stuff. Hold on - volleyballs? The person next to you came armed with a sword the size of a Buick and you brought volleyballs? Nevermind the fact that these things somehow inflict damage on fire-breathing dragons; we can't get past how he looked around the house and chose sporting equipment as his weapon. Grunting and throwing doesn't solve everything, sir.

Wakka can learn plenty of other cool tricks through the magic of the Sphere Grid, but that doesn't excuse him from being the least-prepared member of this crew.



5. Axel (Twisted Metal 2)
PSOne | 1996

Conveniently bound to a death machine on wheels, Axel decides to enter a tournament that pits him against other death machines on wheels. But wait - his opponents are inside their vehicles, whereas Axel is physically attached to two giant tires. His body is completely in the open with zero protection against, well, anything. A kid could hop on and poke his eyes out, so what happens when a missile-launching bulldozer comes around? The end of a stupid idea, that's what. And while we're at it, how the hell did he get so ripped? Last we checked, standing around all day with no way to move or exercise led to, um, death - not a picture perfect physique.

Axel wins the tournament, miraculously without having to eat, reload or scratch his nose. His victory wish is to see his dad, who put him in the wheels 30 years ago (apparently with special tires that grew as he aged). Instead of threatening to peel out on his dad's face until freed, Axel rips himself out of the wheels, destroying his arms in the process. Maybe all he needed to do was let go of the tires?

This reminds us of a Simpsons episode where Homer's arms were trapped in two vending machines, and as they were about to saw them off, one of the technicians asks:

"You're not just holding on to the can, are you?"

Just saying.

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6 comments

  • Cwf2008 - November 29, 2008 4:17 a.m.

    Im not sure that the B-52s were painted in camo but i know that in Vietnam the F-4 Phantoms were painted in jungle camo...altough i doubt that camo did much against North Vietnamese SAMs
  • tehbarbar - December 9, 2008 12:43 a.m.

    I'm glad that someone has taken the time to talk about Disgaea, but come on, the Prinnies are awesome. Wouldn't you want a servant that was basically a penguin that you could throw at other people and they'd blow up on contact? That sounds quite practical to me, haha.
  • SirBonkers - November 18, 2008 9:17 p.m.

    Funny article. By the way, I hate to tell you, but B-52s along with many other USAF fighter aircraft were painted with modified forest or jungle camo through the first gulf war. I'm just saying.......
  • richomak27 - September 8, 2008 5:18 p.m.

    alpharmed looks quite cool camo pants or not
  • Arehexes - January 21, 2009 3:20 p.m.

    I had to make a account to post on this one. F' YEAH PRINNIES haha. I love those buggers, one prinny took out almost the whole room when I threw it.
  • vdaymassacre - March 14, 2009 6:24 a.m.

    I never liked those animals in Tekken... but hey what the hell.

Showing 1-6 of 6 comments

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