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The Top 7... Halo cameos

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6. Master Chief Sucks at Halo

The first minute of this fan-made peek into Master Chief's life betrays how accurately it sums up the Halo 3 beta experience. After several long seconds of white noise and questionable machine-speak dialogue, Chief actually starts to display the same thought process we all had while waiting for Crackdown's glacially paced menus. Even moments of discovery, like the grenade-bouncing force fields and the bubble shield, are presented just as they happened for thousands of gamers. If you're offended by the incessant gay jokes or accusations of hacking, welcome to Xbox Live.

The follow-up, "Master Chief Sucks at Halo 2," is two minutes longer and not nearly as fresh. When Master Chief goes from broken sentences like "god damnit how he snipe me he hax wtf bungie ruin game" to perfectly readable but purposely mistyped "i feel like playing halo 3 beta, i'll c if arbiter wants 2 pleh," some of the charm is lost. Then again, it does capture a bit of the shock some players felt when told to consider Shadowrun in lieu of more Halo 3.

5. Haloid

A true fangasm come to life. What begins as a simple Halo-themed brawl quickly morph-balls into a mascot battle for supremacy. Dripping with Matrix and Star Wars references, this one-on-one battle between Samus Aran and Master Chief hits all the right notes of mega-battle - buildings collapsing, waves of enemies dying and both characters using all their trademarked moves. If you can buy Master Chief suddenly becoming ten times as fast as he is in the game (and as strong as Superman), then you're in for a good time.

As for the (first) surprise ending, well, let's just pretend that this isn't Master Chief, but rather Nicole from Dead or Alive 4. Sit back, enjoy the Metroid remix, "All the World in One Girl" and ignore what comes next.

Seriously, do not watch past the credits.

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6 comments

  • Wallywarp - September 14, 2010 8:34 p.m.

    I thought the Haloid video was about to end in extreme superhuman scissoring for about 10 seconds but i was happily mistaken.
  • PortalFTW - October 21, 2009 9 p.m.

    I hate that Haloid animation. Everyone is way more powerful than they are supposed to be. I also ate the ending. I mean if any spartun could be so powerful it would be master chief and then they make him a girl. Has he even heard his voice, seen his name, or even read the books.
  • lordloss009 - November 3, 2008 1:51 a.m.

    i want the worthog/puma!
  • Cwf2008 - July 19, 2009 4:28 a.m.

    Just seeing that real hog in real life shows what a piece of crap that would be in a real combat situation. On the other hand, i hope thats not a real gatling gun on the back of that thing
  • Frostyman - April 22, 2009 4:22 a.m.

    OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD. The Samus/Chief vid. Epic. Except the end.
  • stuffblowupnation - January 17, 2009 9:25 p.m.

    HOT DAMN!!! I NEED A HOG!!

Showing 1-6 of 6 comments

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