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The Top 7... Geek movies that should never become games

2 - Kill Bill

Having brought the heist, crime-drama and blaxploitation genres into the modern era by adding car-trunk POV shots and discussions of obscure TV shows, Quentin Tarantino turned his attention to proving a truth known by geeks and stoners alike: shitty kung-fu movies rule. Unsure whether to take the Kill Bill flicks as exceptionally good pap or uncommonly entertaining cinema, audiences rejoiced regardless – none more so than geeks and stoners.

Seems like a great idea because: Having given the gaming world Reservoir Dogs – “Acceptable,” we gushed – the only way is up for Tarantino-based games. If any Tarantino movie was worth interactive reinvention, it'd be one in which dialogue was unusually sparse and there were more swords than skinny black ties.

But actually: Stop and think about the pivotal action scenes of Kill Bill. With the exception of the legendary Crazy Eights battle, they're either one-on-one scraps between Uma Thurman and a well-cast guest star, or Thurman performing game-unfriendly feats like moving a toe or one-inch-punching her way out of a coffin. If that sends your mind to the logical place - “that's easy, just do it as a one-on-one fighter with QTE bonus sequences!” - ask yourself: does that actually sound like a game you'd want to play? Maybe that's why it was cancelled.

Instead, try: Try pretending Red Steel had been hyped as a curiously male-centric Kill Bill adaptation/expansion instead of a system-defining Wii blockbuster. See if your interpretation of Red Steel, in this context, is at least marginally less crushingly disappointing. We’d suggest the vastly superior sequel, but it’s all Western instead of modern-day ninja ballet.


1 - Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

Wrath of Khan succeeded where many would say even JJ Abrams' Star Trek reboot didn't: pleasing the crowds with its well-drawn action and characters, while satisfying hardcore Trek nerds with its devotion to the franchise's universe and backstory. It's still held up as the template for Trek films – which means, for certain sectors of the populace, the template for all films, period.


Above: Interplay's 25th Anniversary game could finally be due for improvement 

Seems like a great idea because: There's never been a truly classic Star Trek videogame, which should be like shooting fish in a barrel. Maybe designers' problems with the franchise are the same ones solved by Khan's filmmakers: game producers could take their cue from the movie by starting out with a kick-ass crowd-pleaser, then working backwards to make sure there's plenty of fan-friendly nods to canon.


Above: Or just graft Ricardo Montalban's head onto Ivy Valentine's body and call it a day 

But actually: The film works because it's a small-but-pivotal episode in a massive larger universe. Would Khan be a space-combat game? A third-person adventure? An RPG? Would it hew closely to the film's structure, only letting you do each of those things briefly then moving onto another mode? Or would it expand each section with token-collecting stretches of filler, negating the movie's self-contained formula? It's hard to know which is the less palatable option, and the opportunity for disaster is so great that it’s best to just let Kirk, Kahn and those creepy ear bugs stay on the silver screen.

Instead, try: If you're really desperate, there's always the Wrath of Khan Game Watch – it does feature two whole game modes, after all. There's also a Star Trek Legacy mod that recreates the space-combat bits of the movie. Or you could just relive the movie's single greatest moment at its very own website.

Nov 22, 2010

Top 7… Failed franchises we know how to fix
The best part is, Rocksteady ended up making our perfectly predicted Batman game

 


10 classic films that would be great games
We scour the history of cinema for unexploited gems

 


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Film taking from games is annoying, but pray it never comes full circle

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38 comments

  • Clovin64 - November 25, 2010 8:50 p.m.

    Despite never watching Firefly, I saw Serenity when it first came out and I loved it. I only saw it that one time, and that was years ago. I need to watch it again sometime.
  • Cadavra41 - November 25, 2010 8:39 p.m.

    Couldn't it be said that Wet would have been just as good or better of a replacement for Kill Bill than Red Steel is.
  • gfcgfcgf - November 25, 2010 1:40 a.m.

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  • Tomgoulter - November 24, 2010 7:47 a.m.

    Unfortunately, the list of games influenced by Twin Peaks must remain incomplete for reasons of limited space, and a recommendation that readers try Deadly Premonition for themselves must not be provided for reasons of good conscience.
  • FinderKeeper - November 24, 2010 2:24 a.m.

    Tom Goulter is fail... several other posts have mentioned the omission of "Deadly Premonition" as the logical adaptation of "Twin Peaks". Such an omission, kind sirs, is an offense to geek sensibilities. Can we haz corekshun to artikul nau plz?
  • SausageLozenge - November 24, 2010 12:48 a.m.

    How about Million Dollar Baby?
  • Radagast107 - November 23, 2010 11:28 p.m.

    IDK Serenity could be a good game if made by the right people. Firefly was great! But this is just your opinion and everyone is entitled to their opinion!
  • Skykid - November 23, 2010 10:27 p.m.

    GAAAAAAHH!!! GET THEM AWAY FROM ME! Must. Resist. Urge. To. Get. SHOTGUN. TOO MUCH GEEKNESS!!!
  • GreatMuerte - November 23, 2010 10:13 p.m.

    none more so than geeks and stoners. Go stoners woooo
  • scsmith1 - November 23, 2010 7:54 p.m.

    While not directly related to "The Princess Bride," the classic Xbox game "The Bards Tale" is enjoyable and also features Cary Elwes in the title role.
  • infernox - November 23, 2010 6:35 p.m.

    dude was that an image of shadowrunner the game? hacker with glasses im refering to.
  • atomicsandman - November 23, 2010 5:52 p.m.

    "If you listen to Peter Molyneux" people still listen to Peter Molyneux? lol. Also, @CH3BURASHKA Dark City FTW. One of my favorite movies of all time, a game would fail but I wish they'd make a sequel.
  • philipshaw - November 23, 2010 5:37 p.m.

    These sort of of top 7's is why I love GR so much
  • bass88 - November 23, 2010 3:53 p.m.

    Anybody remember Die Hard Trilogy? Still the best movie to video game I've ever played. And yes, that does include the bland, dull and almost lifeless GoldenEye. Not trying to start a fight about GoldenEye. Just expressed my opinion about the so-called greatest movie to video game adaptation.
  • jmcgrotty - November 23, 2010 8:27 a.m.

    As someone else pointed out, the enemeis in Kill Bill are the Crazy 88s not Crazy Eights. As for a comparison in games, if only in that scene, I think of madworld for the Revolution.
  • Satu - November 23, 2010 7:21 a.m.

    The movie Stardust is actually based on the book by Neil Gaiman. Also, first! (If you choose newest first for order comments and no one else has commented yet.)
  • JohnDagger - November 23, 2010 6:24 a.m.

    Twin Peaks has already been done. It's called Deadly Premonition.
  • wind869 - November 23, 2010 5:20 a.m.

    i guess am not that much of a geek cause this has the most boring top 7 so far,
  • ChipTheExecutioner - November 23, 2010 4:59 a.m.

    I was expecting "Akira" and "Neon Genesis Evangelion" to make the list but hey, you put on the princess bride so I have no complaints ReCAPTCHA: wearat season? what the hell are wearats?
  • NightCrawler_358 - November 23, 2010 3:45 a.m.

    TronLegacysaywhat?

Showing 1-20 of 38 comments

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