The Top 7… Games you don’t want for Christmas 2010

5. Blur (360, PS3, PC)

Your good-intentioned relative thought: I can’t tell all these racing games apart. This one is colorful, and the box says it’ll go “beyond racing.” Done, son!

Why you don’t want it: We really liked Blur (the licensed-car-skinned cart racer that it is), but surely it isn’t the new, exciting racing game you wanted. No, no, you wanted Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit or Gran Turismo 5.

If NFS: Hot Pursuit is on your list, then congratulations, you made the right decision. It’ll quickly sap the already-waning interest you had in spending time with your family and replace it with the non-stop wail of police sirens. (Bonus! If your family isn’t in the room, listen for someone to say, “What the hell is going on with the sirens out there?”)

Above: This is what we're talking about

If Gran Turismo 5 is your dream gift, we totally understand. You’ve waited five years for the new racing benchmark, and you’re ready to hunker down for some serious simulation. You’re probably going to be disappointed (sorry).

Above: This isn’t what you signed up for. But it’s fun to watch, so there’s that

You want it anyway, don’t you? That’s OK, we get it. If you’re going to be disappointed, you want it to be of your own accord. Don’t worry, you’ll have fun through the disappointment, and it won’t be as bad as getting the racing game you didn’t want (even if it’s arguably more fun).

Unless… You like your games like you like your popsicles.

Above: You know the line

4. Alan Wake (360)

Your good-intentioned relative thought:  It was Time Magazine’s Game of the Year, and that’s a magazine I read. That’ll be a good conversation starter when the gift is opened - everyone will know that I read an article about something in Time, because I often read articles about things. I’ll be the cleverest gift-giver in the room!

Why you don’t want it: Time Magazine’s opinion is dumb. Alan Wake is a good game, but it isn’t nearly as special as we’d hoped it would be. It’s standard survival horror with pretty good writing.

Like many other games on this list, it is worth a play. It’s just… you probably wanted Red Dead Redemption, especially in conjunction with Undead Nightmare.

Unless… Your second biggest passion in life is maintaining your Thermos collection.

3. Medal of Honor (360, PS3, PC)

Your good-intentioned relative thought:  Dude with beard. A gun. Explosions and stuff. Sure, the kid likes this kind of thing, right?

Why you don’t want it: I liked a lot about Medal of Honor, and disliked some of it, and I said so in my review. Some people liked it much less than I did. Either way, it’s not what you want. Go ahead, don’t be ashamed… you want Call of Duty: Black Ops. I would too. It’s at the top of zeitgeist right now, and its multiplayer will last you until the next game in the series.

Sure, you’ll complain about it. You’ll call it unbalanced, and whine about cheap kills. But that’s because you’ll be playing it so damn much. If Medal of Honor’s not-quite-Battlefield-but-not-quite-CoD multiplayer doesn’t hook you, you won’t play it long enough to have any complaints about it to begin with. And the campaign won’t take you long. It's CoDBlOps or nothing.

Unless… You have a beard fetish.

Above: Sure, looks cool now... 

Above: Until someone makes you eat it


  • Slayer11496 - December 5, 2011 7:46 p.m.

    alan wake awesome, lmao for 007 "poker face"
  • CanadianBeaverHunter - January 1, 2011 3:20 p.m.

    I can't say anything bad about Blur. Maybe my vision is blurred from playing it so long, but I loved it.
  • shadowreaper72 - December 25, 2010 1:39 a.m.

    I completly disagree about Alan Wake. Sure u may get a crap load of ammo so it feels more like a shooter than a survival horror but bring in the awesome Stephen King like storyline, intense dark atmosphere, and a fat dude named Barry who provides comic relief, and this game is golden! As for the rest yeah ill agree with ya there.
  • Hydrohs - December 25, 2010 1:04 a.m.

    I laughed so much at the Blood Stone entry. And the the Power Gig entry. Fantastic work, Tyler.
  • Felixthecat - December 24, 2010 9:02 p.m.

    Pictures of Samus is enough to convince me. I'm off to buy Other M now.
  • AndyGiff93 - December 24, 2010 4:44 p.m.

    Haha, brilliant
  • Sukharevskaya - December 23, 2010 9:19 p.m.

    GooodNESS! the bloodstone part is frickin hilarious.
  • egregious - December 23, 2010 8:05 p.m.

    I still have yet to progress past Channel 2/Episode 2/Scene 2/Act 2/Zone 2 of Alan Wake. Whoops. I asked for NFS: Hot Pursuit. A winner is me?
  • ensabahnur - December 23, 2010 3:36 p.m.

    You hsould just do entire articles like the bloodstone section. Hilarious.
  • wastedspace - December 23, 2010 3:20 p.m.

    TYLER Y U NO VIDEO TOP 7??????
  • YoshiAteMyBaby - December 22, 2010 9:51 p.m.

    Oh've been spending too much time on 4chan, haven't you? Actually this article made me shudder because a few of the things listed are close to what I always get from my well-meaning dad. Other things on the list (like Alan Wake) are perfect examples of games I'd actually love to get because I've bought most of the games I really wanted already for the year and I enjoy getting something for Christmas that I'm interested in but not interested enough to buy for myself.
  • BarbwireTino - December 22, 2010 6:29 p.m.

    That's what you little sister looks like? That old guy it the Santa Hat playing the kinect? Sad.
  • nai1210 - December 22, 2010 3:54 a.m.

    good article,enjoyed it,what i'm not enjoying is xboxwarriorx is this guy real,or is someone having a laugh?
  • jesusfrk15 - December 22, 2010 2:11 a.m.

    gamesradar fell into the rage comic trend... for shame
  • soren7550 - December 22, 2010 1:10 a.m.

    Holy christ, the Blood Stone pics are hilariously epic! I think I found my next wallpaper.
  • Clovin64 - December 22, 2010 1:01 a.m.

    Blood stone pics made me lol, hard. Also, I'd like to mention that I'm not getting any game-related gifts for Xmas. I just wanted socks.
  • ViolentLee - December 21, 2010 10:30 p.m.

    Alan Wake's on my Top 10 list this year. Unless you absolutely NEED nonstop action, you'll enjoy it.
  • humpiedumpie - December 21, 2010 9:37 p.m.

    Don't agree with Alan Wake, the article was fun though :)
  • FNG - December 21, 2010 8:49 p.m.

  • RichieT1000 - December 21, 2010 8:48 p.m.

    That GT5 video was hilarious! I disagree with Alan Wake though.

Showing 1-20 of 115 comments

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