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The Top 7… Games you don't want for Christmas 2009

4. Star Wars The Clone Wars: Republic Heroes (360 and PS3)

The slow rape of treasured memories continues this year with the awkwardly titled action game, Star Wars The Clone Wars: Republic Heroes. Because we love the movies so much, there’s a part of us that wants to like the worst Star Wars games. So it’s disappointing that Republic Heroes was so bad that we couldn’t even give it a bit of a break.

This abominable addition to the Star Wars universe succeeds in ruining any fun you might have had hacking and slashing your way through waves of enemies with a lightsaber. The combat is boring and the awkward camera angles make it all too easy to fail at traversing narrow gaps with your jumping Jedi. Maybe team Lucas can work some of its revisionist magic on this shoddy action title by adding more CG banthas into the backgrounds of its tedious levels. It couldn’t hurt, right?


Above: With the help of advanced digital technology, we were able to place three copies of Republic Heroes into this stock photo 

What you should do if you got this for Christmas: If you manage to get a refund, pick up the complete season of the Star Wars: The Clone Wars 2D animated series on DVD, but NOT the more recent 3D series. If you haven’t already seen it, it’s great - and will make you realize how truly badass General Grievous and Count Dooku really were thanks to its many amazing action scenes.


3. Anything from the Imagine series (DS)

It’s tough being a girl gamer. Just ask GamesRadar’s own Paul Ryan. That’s why a little piece of us dies every time we visit our local GameStop, where titles from Ubisoft’s Imagine series line the walls of the DS game section. Games like Imagine Cheerleader, Imagine Makeup Artist, and Imagine Dream Wedding feed young gamers a steady stream of shallow wish fulfillment. The overall message being that with a little imagination, you can be a pretty cheerleader who grows up to be a professional makeup artist before you marry some asshole so you can quit your career.


Above: Let’s imagine a world with no “girl” games

What you should do if you got this for Christmas: Confirm whether or not this was meant to be an ironic gift. If it wasn’t, your new mission in life is to shatter the limited expectations the gift giver has for you every chance you get. We imagine that you’ll be glad you did. Then again, you probably don’t want to be taking advice from someone who writes about videogames for a living.

Topics

Top 7

40 comments

  • AuthorityFigure - December 21, 2009 10:25 a.m.

    Finally I say, It's amazing to be; Reading this article, So easily. Thanks for reading.
  • JiminyNickIt - December 21, 2009 11:21 a.m.

    Wow, Oscar the Grouch sure hates Christmas.
  • TRAVthe3RD - December 21, 2009 11:49 a.m.

    i can describe what will happen if one finds a game like this for christmas..: -unwraps present - sees game - face palm (remembers family is watching - best fake smile, face palming on the inside - once family leaves.. use as frisbee, coaster.. then trade in
  • Frexerik - December 21, 2009 12:55 p.m.

    hmm.. the only one i would be afraid of getting for christmas is tony hawk ride! *shudders*
  • waynski1457 - December 21, 2009 1:12 p.m.

    "But NOT the 3D series." Oh c'mon! Sure the beginning and movie sucked, but the show has easily found its legs and knows how to kick some ass now. And, a better alternative for BHDS would be Lego RB DS. Even with its okay tracklist, it's a worthy alternative to RBU on the PSP in that it's basically more portable Frequency/Amplitude.
  • Cyberninja - December 21, 2009 1:14 p.m.

    i want to get tony hawk ride for christmas then i can sell it on the internet and get more than its worth
  • Thanatos0013 - December 21, 2009 2:38 p.m.

    I ddon't wanna get tony hawk ride (dies abit inside) 10 secconds later Holy !@#$%! gets $100 for good games
  • QWERTYCommander - December 21, 2009 3:39 p.m.

    *Sigh* The N64 version of Tony Hawk 1 was one of my first games ever, and the 4th was one of my favorite games ever. RIP TH games, you will be missed. They should've stopped once THAW came out.
  • garnsr - December 21, 2009 4:21 p.m.

    Looks like it's mostly Nintendo-only owners who really have to worry. And, very appropriately, ReCaptcha is: the flakiest. Most appropriate, simple one I've ever had.
  • rxb - December 21, 2009 4:55 p.m.

    Unless you tell parents/girlfriend/whoever what game to buy, you will alway end up with something you didnt want.
  • GameManiac - December 21, 2009 5:05 p.m.

    For whatever game I get, as long as it isn't based on licensed ANYTHING (unless I hear it's good), I'll keep it. And if I don't like it? eBay. Also, why couldn't Scene it? Twilight be #1. I HATE the Twilight series. The whole thought of a romance with a vampire who doesn't, in my opinion, look ANYTHING like a vampire is idiotic and a giant load of shit in my eyes.
  • sveini22 - December 21, 2009 5:15 p.m.

    whel i dont care what they say about reflex, i am going to get it.
  • Romination - December 21, 2009 6:08 p.m.

    It should be "former GR staffer Paul Ryan". It brought a tear to my eyes to have to admit these words....but it's true.
  • FalconMbuster - December 21, 2009 6:13 p.m.

    I got Castlevania: Judgment last year -_-. That was an IMMEDIATE return. I had mentioned Order of Ecclesia, but when the only thing you get that Christmas is money, clothes, and likely the worst Castlevania game in the history of forever... the spirit of the season kinda dies.
  • Unoriginal - December 21, 2009 6:55 p.m.

    Aw man, no crying babies this year? Great list but I do disagree with one thing: Once Elmo takes a Liking to something it is NOT lame!
  • CaptainSpatula - December 21, 2009 7:14 p.m.

    Alright, back for another year. I love this top 7 but it always makes me nervous for what I'm going to get for Christmas, my parents aren't the most videogame savvy people in the universe...
  • Xplosive59 - December 21, 2009 7:50 p.m.

    although there was crap this year at least it better than 2008s offerings
  • aguilanthony - December 21, 2009 8:15 p.m.

    Gamesradar really hates MW:R on the wii.
  • Dexsus - December 21, 2009 8:48 p.m.

    What the hell kind of trousers is that girl wearing on page 3? Anyway....great article, but it makes me sad how much of a joke they made the TH series.
  • gojiguy - December 21, 2009 9:46 p.m.

    Dead Space Extraction is great for a rail shooter on the Wii? Are Rail-shooters bad? And are they better on consoles besides the Wii?

Showing 1-20 of 40 comments

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