4. Star Wars The Clone Wars: Republic Heroes (360 and PS3)
The slow rape of treasured memories continues this year with the awkwardly titled action game, Star Wars The Clone Wars: Republic Heroes. Because we love the movies so much, there’s a part of us that wants to like the worst Star Wars games. So it’s disappointing that Republic Heroes was so bad that we couldn’t even give it a bit of a break.
This abominable addition to the Star Wars universe succeeds in ruining any fun you might have had hacking and slashing your way through waves of enemies with a lightsaber. The combat is boring and the awkward camera angles make it all too easy to fail at traversing narrow gaps with your jumping Jedi. Maybe team Lucas can work some of its revisionist magic on this shoddy action title by adding more CG banthas into the backgrounds of its tedious levels. It couldn’t hurt, right?
Above: With the help of advanced digital technology, we were able to place three copies of Republic Heroes into this stock photo
What you should do if you got this for Christmas: If you manage to get a refund, pick up the complete season of the Star Wars: The Clone Wars 2D animated series on DVD, but NOT the more recent 3D series. If you haven’t already seen it, it’s great - and will make you realize how truly badass General Grievous and Count Dooku really were thanks to its many amazing action scenes.
3. Anything from the Imagine series (DS)
It’s tough being a girl gamer. Just ask GamesRadar’s own Paul Ryan. That’s why a little piece of us dies every time we visit our local GameStop, where titles from Ubisoft’s Imagine series line the walls of the DS game section. Games like Imagine Cheerleader, Imagine Makeup Artist, and Imagine Dream Wedding feed young gamers a steady stream of shallow wish fulfillment. The overall message being that with a little imagination, you can be a pretty cheerleader who grows up to be a professional makeup artist before you marry some asshole so you can quit your career.
Above: Let’s imagine a world with no “girl” games
What you should do if you got this for Christmas: Confirm whether or not this was meant to be an ironic gift. If it wasn’t, your new mission in life is to shatter the limited expectations the gift giver has for you every chance you get. We imagine that you’ll be glad you did. Then again, you probably don’t want to be taking advice from someone who writes about videogames for a living.