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The Top 7… Games you don't want for Christmas 2009

6. Band Hero (DS)

First, there’s the Guitar Grip that sends spasms of pain through your wrist. Then, there’s the mushy drum sleeve and inaccurate voice recognition. Let’s also not forget the silly censorship that strikes naughty words, like ‘hell,’ out of the lyrics. Nothing screams ‘I’m a good little consumer and a total tool,’ like rocking out to Two Princes by the Spin Doctors on your DS during your daily commute - and nothing says ‘I don’t really know you, but I figured you like bright colors and lame pop music,’ like a carefully wrapped copy of Band Hero for the DS under your Christmas tree.


Above: Blegh. Bright colors and jaggy polygons will remind you of the early 90s - just like Band Hero’s song list! 


Above: Meh. The mushy drum sleeve doesn’t feel very responsive 


Above: Ugh. The Spin Doctors on Sesame Street. Once Elmo likes something, it’s officially not cool anymore

What you should do if you got this for Christmas: See if you can upgrade to the console version of Band Hero (a real guitar controller makes all the difference). If music games are your thing, you should also check out DJ Hero. If a refund or exchange isn’t an option, you can also stop treating Band Hero as a game, and start using it as a mini-exercise machine. You’ll likely have the most powerful handshake on your block after pumping up your digits with Band Hero for a few months.


5. Marvel Super Hero Squad (PSP)

What could be worse than a Wii port of a horrible 360 or PS3 game? Try this PSP port of an awful Wii game? Meet Marvel Super Hero Squad, the biggest insult to Marvel fans since the release of X-Men Origins: Wolverine. In it, you’ll get to play as grotesquely adorable caricatures of some of the coolest characters to grace the pages of comic books. But wait, there’s more! You’ll also experience the joy of repetitive battles as you pound identical enemies to death and the excitement of wrestling with the awful camera angles that make finding objectives a real challenge. And don’t forget about the graphics! They were unsightly on the Wii version, but they’re downright horrible on the PSP. 

 
Above: How can we feel the fury of Wolverine’s berserker rage when he looks so huggable? 


Above: The jaggy characters and textures perfectly complement Marvel Super Hero Squad’s boring button mash-a-thons

What you should do if you got this for Christmas: Batman: Arkham Asylum was, without a doubt, the comic book game of the year. But if you’re a diehard Marvel fan or already got your fill of Batman, Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 for the 360 and PS3 is an excellent alternative to Marvel Super Hero Squad.

Topics

Top 7

40 comments

  • AuthorityFigure - December 21, 2009 10:25 a.m.

    Finally I say, It's amazing to be; Reading this article, So easily. Thanks for reading.
  • JiminyNickIt - December 21, 2009 11:21 a.m.

    Wow, Oscar the Grouch sure hates Christmas.
  • TRAVthe3RD - December 21, 2009 11:49 a.m.

    i can describe what will happen if one finds a game like this for christmas..: -unwraps present - sees game - face palm (remembers family is watching - best fake smile, face palming on the inside - once family leaves.. use as frisbee, coaster.. then trade in
  • Frexerik - December 21, 2009 12:55 p.m.

    hmm.. the only one i would be afraid of getting for christmas is tony hawk ride! *shudders*
  • waynski1457 - December 21, 2009 1:12 p.m.

    "But NOT the 3D series." Oh c'mon! Sure the beginning and movie sucked, but the show has easily found its legs and knows how to kick some ass now. And, a better alternative for BHDS would be Lego RB DS. Even with its okay tracklist, it's a worthy alternative to RBU on the PSP in that it's basically more portable Frequency/Amplitude.
  • Cyberninja - December 21, 2009 1:14 p.m.

    i want to get tony hawk ride for christmas then i can sell it on the internet and get more than its worth
  • Thanatos0013 - December 21, 2009 2:38 p.m.

    I ddon't wanna get tony hawk ride (dies abit inside) 10 secconds later Holy !@#$%! gets $100 for good games
  • QWERTYCommander - December 21, 2009 3:39 p.m.

    *Sigh* The N64 version of Tony Hawk 1 was one of my first games ever, and the 4th was one of my favorite games ever. RIP TH games, you will be missed. They should've stopped once THAW came out.
  • garnsr - December 21, 2009 4:21 p.m.

    Looks like it's mostly Nintendo-only owners who really have to worry. And, very appropriately, ReCaptcha is: the flakiest. Most appropriate, simple one I've ever had.
  • rxb - December 21, 2009 4:55 p.m.

    Unless you tell parents/girlfriend/whoever what game to buy, you will alway end up with something you didnt want.
  • GameManiac - December 21, 2009 5:05 p.m.

    For whatever game I get, as long as it isn't based on licensed ANYTHING (unless I hear it's good), I'll keep it. And if I don't like it? eBay. Also, why couldn't Scene it? Twilight be #1. I HATE the Twilight series. The whole thought of a romance with a vampire who doesn't, in my opinion, look ANYTHING like a vampire is idiotic and a giant load of shit in my eyes.
  • sveini22 - December 21, 2009 5:15 p.m.

    whel i dont care what they say about reflex, i am going to get it.
  • Romination - December 21, 2009 6:08 p.m.

    It should be "former GR staffer Paul Ryan". It brought a tear to my eyes to have to admit these words....but it's true.
  • FalconMbuster - December 21, 2009 6:13 p.m.

    I got Castlevania: Judgment last year -_-. That was an IMMEDIATE return. I had mentioned Order of Ecclesia, but when the only thing you get that Christmas is money, clothes, and likely the worst Castlevania game in the history of forever... the spirit of the season kinda dies.
  • Unoriginal - December 21, 2009 6:55 p.m.

    Aw man, no crying babies this year? Great list but I do disagree with one thing: Once Elmo takes a Liking to something it is NOT lame!
  • CaptainSpatula - December 21, 2009 7:14 p.m.

    Alright, back for another year. I love this top 7 but it always makes me nervous for what I'm going to get for Christmas, my parents aren't the most videogame savvy people in the universe...
  • Xplosive59 - December 21, 2009 7:50 p.m.

    although there was crap this year at least it better than 2008s offerings
  • aguilanthony - December 21, 2009 8:15 p.m.

    Gamesradar really hates MW:R on the wii.
  • Dexsus - December 21, 2009 8:48 p.m.

    What the hell kind of trousers is that girl wearing on page 3? Anyway....great article, but it makes me sad how much of a joke they made the TH series.
  • gojiguy - December 21, 2009 9:46 p.m.

    Dead Space Extraction is great for a rail shooter on the Wii? Are Rail-shooters bad? And are they better on consoles besides the Wii?

Showing 1-20 of 40 comments

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